Newbie - really struggling at this time of year

[Honeybee79]

Hi all

Have been on MN for ages not posted for years.

Have been tcc number 2 for about 3 years now. DS is 5. I have PCOS and DS was conceived with clomid. Clomid hasn't worked for us this time around and we are due to have IVF in Jan. I am utterly, utterly terrified.

I have spent the last 6 months trying to get myself healthy. For various reasons over the last couple of years (particularly work), I have let my weight get out of hand and having PCOS hasn't helped with that. So, over the last 6 months I have managed to lose 3.5 stone and now have a BMI of just under 25. We wanted to give ourselves the best chance possible and it has really helped to have something positive to focus on.

Anyway, am suddenly really, really struggling. In particular, I am struggling to deal with other people's pregnancy announcements. Just had another one today - I feel like such a selfish, uncharitable cow for feeling the way I do. I want to be happy for people and on some level I am happy. But I am also so sad and gutted and terrified that I just want the whole world to go away right now.

Just wanted to get that off my chest! I think I definitely need a bit more support with this whole thing.

I'm completely with you. Been ttc for nearly eight years. Have been through nine months of chlomid with no success, two unsuccessful of iui. Currently having a break before next two rounds of iui. It's been such a difficult year, and so many pregnancies and babies amongst my friends. It's so hard! I'm starting to worry it will never happen and I just don't know how to deal with that. Sending you heaps of positive thoughts for Ivf in January.

It is so hard, isn't it? And I find it hard to keep the smile on my face at this time of year. Sending you positive and relaxing vibes too Maryrose.

Other people's pregnancy announcements are really tough, no getting round it.

Yep. Completely unprepared for how terribly hard I would find it. To be fair SIL is visiting with her 8 week old, which is so, so hard. I just know I will get the inevitable questions from relatives over Christmas. Not sure how many times I can be diplomatic whilst trying to get over the fact there's a newborn in the house. We are currently unable to conceive, surgery may make it possible but unsure about that and it's all quite complex (and personal!) so I don't want to sit there explaining the ins and outs to the whole family. You have my complete sympathy. Will be thinking of you

Honeybee wish u luck for January.

Pregnancy announcements are always hard. My sister in law told me she may start trying in the next year or two and i mentioned to my partner. I added the comment that i was surprised seeing as they still rent. My partner replied with it's up to them isn't it..! Like i had done something wrong saying that, explained i didn't mean it like that ( in the jealous way). It's just they rent from his step dad for about half the average rent amount. They have said before how they will not be given the house as it wouldn't be fair on other family.

Made me wonder if in fact it was him that was jealous.

Maryrose my apologies for being nosey but any reason why you're only doing IUI after 8 years?

Hyland, no worries about being nosey! eight years ago we moved home to Cornwall after university, with the intention of starting a family. I came off the pill, so we knew it might take a while, we sort of tried on and off for the first couple of years or rather didn't try but didn't not try if that makes sense! It had been 18 months of actively trying when we went to the docs and started having tests and investigations. After 6/8 months of this my husband and I separated, partly due to the strain on our relationship caused by the infertility. However after 8 months of separation we got back together. 18 months ago we went back to the docs to re-start fertility investigations. I was then out on 9 months of chlomid. A year ago we were due to start the first round of iui which unfortunately got postponed as I had an issue with my heart. Finally started iui in July. Then second round in September. Have been taking a break over Christmas and due to start third round with my next cycle. So all in all its been a very long time!! Nearly eight years of hoping each month that my period won't come! And watching all my best friends start families. Hoping this is my year, but finding it hard to stay hopeful. Two more rounds of iui and one of Ivf on the NHS and then that's it.

Mary rose:

wow what a Journey...

I really hope you get tour wish.

Do you only get one go at IVF through NHS because of the IUI's that you will have had?

I do sympathise with the stress it puts on a relationship.

I think this is something I under estimated.

All kind if thoughts go through my head, especially after our recent failed ICSI. My partner was deeply upset, as was I. The only difference was he seemed unconsolable.