2 failed natural FETS, 2 to go. Really worried

[worried2015]

I haven't ventured into the infertililty forum before but I guess it's time. Brief history of us: we have a 7 year old DS who was the product of an ICSI cycle (first time lucky) when I was 34. That cycle left behind 4 blastocysts who were frozen.

Cause of our infertility was my DH's sperm quality. I still have regular cycles and am not aware of any problems on my part.

I'm now 42 and for a variety of reasons we had delayed trying for a second DC. We have now embarked on that journey & I tried 2 natural FETs back to back (in the last 2 months) which sadly failed. We still have 2 frozen embryos & I've now met the doctor who prescribed a long list of investigations before proceeding with the next . Immune tests, all sorts of other blood tests, and a 'scratch' at the end of this month. I'm quite scared of all this (I've heard the scratch hurts) and wanted advice in case anyone has done it. The scratch will also include a EMA whatever that is. There might also be an issue with my progesterone levels which they're checking too.

Mostly though, I would like some emotional support as I've found the experience of the 2 FETs not working utterly heartbreaking & emotional. I am now terrified that our remaining 2 frozen embryos also won't work, and what then? I'm not at all sure that DH would be open to embarking in what would be the very complicated next steps of DE / adoption / or ICSI fresh cycles which I imagine at my age aren't such a promising idea.

I would just like some hope really that our remaining 2 blastocysts might stand a chance. Any stories of successful natural FETs and what might help in the process are much appreciated.

Anyway. Just wanted to talk to people really about this experience which is proving much more emotional than I had expected. I think because it had been so many years of not being involved in the world of infertility that I had forgotten some of it.... It's all so overwhelming & heartbreaking.

I also hope I can support others on their journeys.

Hello there worried (we can all relate to that username I think!)

I've had a couple of scratches before, one for a medicated FET that implanted successfully, and one for the fresh cycle I'm currently on. Yes they hurt. BUT it only hurts for about 15 seconds while they do the actual scratch and after that it is OK. So it's not so bad really. In my opinion it's probably worthwhile (but like so much else in IVF the evidence for it is not solid - yet). The whole thing takes about 5 minutes, you need a moderately full bladder for it. The second time I had one I doubled up on painkillers about an hour before (max dose of paracetamol + ibuprofen) and although I definitely still felt it, it wasn't so bad. I'm afraid I don't know what an EMA is, sorry. It's OK to ask your clinic though!

The worst bit both times was actually due to the one-off dose of antibiotic they gave me to reduce the infection risk afterwards. That made my guts extremely unhappy for a few hours but you may not react so badly or they may give you something different. I was fine the next day though.

Re the emotional side of things, yes it's so difficult when things don't work out. You still have two to go though, so don't despair yet. I'm sure they do stand a good chance as they were created with lovely young eggs. It also sounds like your clinic are on the ball by making sure that there aren't any underlying problems that could reduce your chances with the two in the freezer. Can I ask why you are going for natural FET rather than medicated? I was never really offered the option of natural but I have to admit it sounds more pleasant!

Your clinic should offer counselling - I have used the service at mine and found it really helpful. There should be someone who can help you think about your options if those remaining two don't work out. And yes it is bloody horrible, you're right, and it's OK to say so.

Also, I think there is a thread on here for women who are trying for their second with IVF, I expect they would have some support and advice too.

lots of hugs x

Thank you so much CatnipMouse. I particularly appreciate the advice on taking painkillers before the scratch. Sounds great, I'll definitely do that.

Thanks also for the suggestion for the idea of specialised counselling at my clinic. I think it sounds a wise thing to do, as it would involve looking through the options with someone who is experienced in these sorts of issues but outside the whole thing (i.e. not a family member / personal friend). But let's see, I'm not there quite yet...

How do you feel about the idea of just sticking to one child? Is it very difficult to think about?

CatnipMouse. Yes, I think it's an important question for a lot of us, having one child. If the FETs don't work then all other options (at me age 42+ and DH 10 year older) are complicated / costly etc. Not that they're not possible. But they will be difficult to achieve & basically DH won't be open to any of that initially so it'll involve a battle.

I think having one child is absolutely fine and works fantastically for many families. But given that I would love to have a second & finally feel ready financially etc at this point in my life, accepting we have 1 child will be a process of mourning. I think that's doable though. The alternatives (Donor Eggs / adoption / fresh ICSI cycles at 42+) areas I saidpossible but have their own very high costs. Both DH & I have demanding jobs (emotionally demanding too) so these costs should be considered, and I'm just not sure we should go ahead & ignore them.

Still. 2 more frozen embryos to go.

Added complication now is that yesterday during a routine scan at the clinic, they discovered a uterine polyp & next week I'll have it taken out. The credit card keeps getting money added on it... I'm now considering not doing some of the long list of investigations doctor suggested & moving ahead with the FET next month (after the polyp operation) as otherwise we're looking at January at the earliest for next FET & that means I will start having issues in terms of qualifying for maternity payments at work (which is also a big consideration) as I'm on a contract & there's a time limit.

Aaaaaaaarrrrrghhhhh big decisions. All very complicated.