ICSI, Miscarriage & remains

[ranchgirl]

Sorry if this is posted in wrong thread, just seeking advice (& solace)

Two rounds of IVF aged 40. 2nd cycle BFP (really high blood test result).
6 week scan showed empty sac.
7 week scan showed foetal pole & heartbeat plus another growing sac.
8 week scan to check 2nd sac showed we had lost both. No sign of 2nd sac and no growth on first baby or a heartbeat.
DH & I are utterly devastated and heartbroken.
In tomorrow for final confirmation scan.

I'm really just wondering for those unfortunate to have also lost a baby, what choices were you given about their remains? I can't stand the thought of it being treated as clinical waste and want to be able to treat it as the baby it was, no matter how young it may have been.

Hi- am really sorry for your loss, you poor thing. It seems especially bad after ivf. Hopefully over time it will seem less awful and you will be able to look at next steps. In the meantime, just be nice to yourself. Do u have other children at all?

There is a separate miscarriage section on mumsnet - you might be as well posting this message on there. If you can't find it just google mumsnet miscarriage and it will take you to it.

I did have an Erpc myself a few years ago and I had to sign forms to allow them to deal with the remains so I believe they are dealt with as human remains and not just as clinical waste. I would definitely double check it with them though. In the meantime, the miscarriage thread is really supportive- it helped me a lot at the time to talk to others going through the same. Again, I'm really sorry.

Hi ranchgirl, how awful for you. I was in a very similar situation a couple of months ago.

My hospital had a policy around respectful cremation of miscarriage so if you have a managed mc in hospital or an erpc (surgical option) then they should be able to tell you what will happen. If you mc at home then it is up to you what to do, there are some helpful threads on the miscarriage board. You might possibly want to consider genetic testing of the remains, but you might have to pay for this yourself. I asked for it and they found a chromosomal abnormality, and it really helped me to know the reason why it stopped growing, but there's also a good chance the results won't show anything.

Really sorry you have to go through this shit. My counsellor said that miscarriage after IVF is even more shitty and unfair than mc after natural conception, and although it's not great to try and rank unfairness or grief I think she had a point.

PM me if it might help
Xx

Thank you both. Will look at the mc section too.

I'll be sure to ask tomorrow. I'd like the cremated remains to bury in our garden. I just hope it will help the healing process. I've had no bleeding now and we estimate it stopped growing about two weeks ago. I suspect I will have a managed m/c which I think will also help with preparing for our next cycle of ICSI.