Sorting work life before ivf!?!?!?

[annejay]

OK so I'm a teacher (newly qualified large year) and I have found it difficult to find a secure job. I believe my current job will become permanent next year, but here is the problem. I have just received my letter for my first ivf appointment. This means I would be pregnant before I could even apply for the job. And although we like to think it wouldn't stop them hiring, we all know it would. What do I do?! I need my job to secure our Future but with an aging partner and both being desperate to have a baby I'm not sure I can hold off any longer!

Hi AnneJay - that's a really difficult one. Deep down do you have a gut feeling? Personally I wouldn't hesitate to go along with the IVF. Hopefully you will be seen quickly and it will work first time, but if it doesn't and if it takes a few attempts (or even years) you'll be pleased you got cracking earlier. Similarly, I think it's good to put as much as you can into securing the fixed job as you may need the finances and may also need the distraction from TTC and IVF! Best of luck!

It's such a hard choice. Ideally I wanted the permanent job and then dive straight into the ivf meaning I would get my full maternity pay. Meaning I wouldn't have to rely on my partner when we should be enjoying our new addition. There's always the chance it won't work. But on the off chance it does I'm not sure it wouldn't affect my career. I think if baby is first I won't ever secure a job and that isn't what I want. They have told us they could hold back a maximum of 6 months, not sure that'll be long enough though :( so worried. The letter today was a specialty of ART, is this a consultation? Or is it the start of my procedure?

Hi AnneJay

I personally wouldn't make any decisions until you go to the consultation. When I went for my first NHS appt it was to discuss investigations I had had previously but they told me it would be another six months before I would be able to start treatment due to the long waiting list. While I was waiting I went privately, and even then I didn't start straight away as they wanted further investigations to happen before I could actually start.

We took three years of TTC before I got pregnant with my little girl through IVF and throughout the whole journey I wish now I had not put off retraining as something else, going on 3 week trip to Vegas and surround areas or going to our friends' wedding in Australia.

Good luck with whatever you decide xx

Our infertility is on my partners side, he had to have an extraction but thats all done now. A few years ago i had exploritory surgery which came back as all ok. But i havent had any real tests throughout our ivf journey and now im wondering if this needs to be discussed before we go ahead. I just dont want to turn up at this appoinrment and turn down treatment that could have benifitted someone else at this point. My partner is quite negative, he thinks it wont work and whilst i feel similar there is always that doubt that it could work first time and i have a newborn whilst attempting to rekindle a career to support us.

I would just keep trying for a baby. It could take months or even years and I would not be trying to delay it.

Deep down I want this more than anything. But I think my own mother is inside me saying getting a career first! Guess it's the way I've been brought up. I must be able to support my children before I have them. I think I'll just gotta this appointment and see what is said, discuss my options. There is a high chance my job will become permanent and when it does everything will be perfect for us to have our baby, or at least try. Thanks for comments guys. If anyone has any experiance in a similar scenario please do share.

I have had the opposite problem to you really, but I think it's relevant. I kept holding off applying for jobs and moving forward with my career because we were ttc. 3 years of infertility later and a bunch of missed opportunities, I was on a 1 year long waiting list for IVF and in a job I hated. Then I felt I HAD to stick in my job because I was going to be pregnant soon and it would be really rude to start a new job then go on maternity leave straight away.

I did get pregnant, and then I miscarried, and my boss was a dick about the whole thing. So I told him where to go and quit my job. I interviewed for another job knowing full well I was going to do FET in 3/4 months, and I really didn't care. I'm currently 3 months pregnant and starting to believe this one might actually stick. You just never know, and juggling your career and IVF is a toughie for sure.

When would you interview for the permanent position? I think most teacher friends I know have had interviews around Easter? It's October now, so even if your appointment is in a couple of weeks, you'd need a blood test for your AMH etc on day 2 and day 21 of your period so even if that lines up really well with your cycle you wouldn't start till December. I started downregging on 31st December last year for transfer day on 31st January to give you some idea of how long it takes. So even if you were earlier than that, you'd still be looking at potentially being pregnant in January. At that rate, you are definitely not going to be showing by the time your interview rolls round, and a slightly baggier top can do wonders to hide a bump if you are. You are under no obligation to tell work about your pregnancy until much later on, and if you're really worried about their reaction you can feign naïveté and claim you have "oh my god only just discovered I am 5 months pregnant! Terribly sorry about that still accepting the job offer though thanks." (Unless you're a biology teacher maybe?! )

I also hate to add misery to a happy thread about babies, but given the situation as it is in teaching at the moment, you're never going to find it that hard to get work so go for it now. Unless you're 21 or something and really truly have years of youthful fertility ahead of you!

I'm 23! But partner is older at 38 (yes 14.5 years between us) from his point of view he doesn't want to be much older with a newborn which I totally understand. And before anyone asks, he has been fully supportive of this dilemma and asks often if I still want to go ahead. Years ago he accepted that he wouldn't have children for me this is a first time thing. You always expected to get the job, gentle man, get married and babies just happen.... It's really not like that at all. Toes and fingers, that was really good advice. From that perspective It would work. I just wouldn't get my full maternity pay (only available after 6months) there is talk of the job not appearing till just before summer, but it could be easter. No one knows at this point, but I am hopefull to have a full time permanent job by easter. So if I held of by just 6 months I'd be well within my timescale..... Sounds like a good plan. :)

Don't quote me on this, but I think as far as maternity benefits are concerned it's the continuity of service not time spent in the position from which your entitlements are calculated. So if you're staying in the same school, even if you go from job title x (temporary) to job title y (permanent) your continuity of service will start from when you began working there so well over 6 months. This doesn't apply if you're agency staff though because you'll be employed by the agency not the school/council.

No I am temporary so that would be fantastic!! Thank you for that, I will double check it :)

could you ask the school if there is a permanent position sooner or look for other schools with permanent positions? I am unsure if your contract ends what you may receive so worth looking up your school's policies and look up Union information.

Good news is your age.

The permanent position can't be put up until the previous employee completes her promotion. I am looking for other positions, there has only been around three in the last two years. Nothing has came up this session. The jobs are few and far between, and those that do come up are heavily applied for. The good news is the school I'm at is very rural, I love it, and when I applied for temporary I was the only applicant!! So when the job comes up, as long as I don't mess up, it's likely to be mine (as long as I don't mess up interview). However if I'm heavily pregnant they might be reluctant. I'm pretty sure I can hang off a few months just to be sure I'm not heavy, that seems the best way to handle this. I'm excited for our journey now and not scared :) x

As a teacher going through IVF I strongly advise you to carry on with both. You have no obligation to tell them.
Plus, without wanting to sound pessimistic, it might not work first time.
Go for the job, go for the consultation. Nothing is guaranteed in life so keep all your options open.
And the best of luck with both!!