"Didn't you want any more? " *facepalm*

[DennyDifferent]

At a family do today for my step sister's birthday, two members of her family separately commented on how 7 year old DS had grown etc and both asked, "Don't you want any more?" I managed to restrain myself from replying, "Well, we haven't used contraception since he was born, I have Pcos which reduces my chance of ovulation and polyps which mean even if I did conceive it would probably result in miscarriage, and has three times in the last 6 years.. so yeah I do want another, I physically ache for another. ooh can you pass the menu?"

I know they meant no harm but so much of infertility is dealt with in secret, it sucks I have to watch what I say to stop others from feeling uncomfortable, but they don't!

My actual response was, "you never know what might happen..." with a weak smile and a shrug of the shoulders.

What are your best responses when people ask questions like this? Do you answer honestly, spare their feelings or come up with a witty retort?

In a slightly different place in that we have 1 DS conceived naturally but Dh has a medical condition affecting a very relevant part of his anatomy, and medical condition has worsened a lot since DS was born to the extent of needing surgery. We don't know yet how this affects our chances of having another.

Can just about deal with that except ignorant people who ask "oh, ready for another one" or "So, when are you having number 2?" It's so hard especially as SIL pregnant with no 2 (after 4 mc in 15 months) so obviously delighted for her, but people outside of close family just see her being pregnant with no 2 and ask when we're having another. I'd have loved to be pregnant at the same time as her again (both pregnant with no 1 together) but it isn't going to happen any time soon. And I don't feel up to discussing it with the next idiot who asks!!!

Sorry, rant over, it's just nice to read of other people who have to deal with the ignorance too.

I think you should reply exactly as you said in your post. My adored and beloved best friend died a year ago and a passing acquaintance said to me a couple of weeks ago ' you missed X's BBQ last year coz your friend died didn't you I guess you must be over that now' my reply was no actually I miss her every day I can't believe I am never going to laugh with h e r share anything with her ever again but thank you for acknowledging it I do appreciate it's hard to understand

My ds is only 7 months old, but I knew from the day he was born that I wanted another one. We found out when he was 3 weeks old that we would not be able to conceive naturally again and it breaks my heart. Even if we can save the money for ivf it is unreliable. People ask all the time if we want another one. Well yes, but wanting doesn't make it happen!

I can't bear to give away my maternity clothes or the things he's already grown out of as I'm not prepared to give up,even though it is unlikely. I feel like I should be happy with one as so many people don't even get that, but easier said than done.

I wish I was asked. My DD is about to turn 8 and I've been longing for another since she was 4. DH was adamantly against it as he was going through depression and didn't want another anyhow. By the time we worked through that and he finally agreed to one around of IVF (last year and it failed), I was desperate for some support. I think most people thought that I hadn't sprogged by now (I'm 41) there was no conversation to be had about having anither. Now all I have to endure are lots of "well meaning comments" about how my DS must behave the way she does because she's an only child. Thanks - really helps the guilt! Makes me start up a conversation about parenting techniques and get very close to criticising them as they are inadvertently criticising me!