anyone come off facebook due to infertility? and anyone gone straight for adoption?

[lugo40]

hi ll

i have posted quite a lot this morning so i apologise - we had the news yesterday that Husbands sperm motility is low,were awaiting second result to confirm but it looks like ICSI will be needed. AS its so new i have loads of questions and emotions are high!!!

Firstly - my facebook newsfeed is completely full of photos of baby's. Has anyone decided to suspend their facebook account while going through this? i feel like it could be a good idea. The more photos i see of more people getting pregnant, enjoying days out with their baby, moaning that their baby is "hard work" the more i want to cry.

Secondly- starting to research a little into IVF today. Did anyone decide to not try IVF and go straight for adoption? I am really not sure that i want to go through with IVF.

x

Is the op happening Monday or just a consultation?. Wishing you loads of luck. I can understand why you and DH feel like that, it's scary stuff and the outcome is so important. Hope the consultant can put DH at ease a little before

Just the consultation. Thanks for the luck x

How did it go Laura? X

Hi

totally agree with the Facebook nightmare. I've unfollowed the serial posters and pg ladies.

I'm about to go through my second ivf, I understand the fear and apprehension of considering ivf but its honestly physically not as bad as I thought. injecting was easy and I don't even remember egg collection as I was out of it. transfer to all of a minute and was easy. the worst part is the emotional rollercoaster. for me I was hoping fine until I mc a week after my bfp, but despite how hard that was it did "work" for me and I couldn't imagine not trying it again. that said I feel less and less confident I will get .y own baby and am also thinking forward to adoption so its interesting to hear others experiences. either way everyone chooses what is right for them, I just wanted to share my ivf experience with u in case it helped.

Hey lugo it went fine thanks, asked questions and signed the consent form etc. He said there's a 50% chance of finding decent sperm, not great odds but it's all we've got. Waiting list will be till Dec or jan. Got an app for the private urologist next Mon to see about having it done sooner private. We've got money but the waiting is killing me every day.

I know what you mean about the emotional rollercoaster lildottie and I've not even had any treatment! My husband and I had a mega row in the Car after the appointment he was saying he didn't want the tese sooner cos he's got too much on at work and can't take a week off, and I'm like are you kidding!!?? Then it was the I never wanted kids anyway and if it's gonna be this hard maybe I don't want kids. So I start crying, driving through Liverpool probably through every red light crying and arguing!! So our marriage is on the edge now too as well as my nerves!

oh Laura I'm so sorry to hear that. I think when it's our men with the fertility issue it hurts their image of their masculinity. I am very lucky that me and my dh have remained very strong through the turmoil of the last three years, but I can completely see how it can cause arguments and rifts. your clinic has to offer counselling so maybe it's worth considering going to a session with dh if he's willing. you don't have to be having/had treatment to get the counselling as far as I know.

Hi Laura, I'm so sorry your both going through such a tough time. It's such a difficult thing to go through. I think it's totally normal to have huge ups and downs with this and also take it out on each other as your the only ones who know what it's like going through it. I think for the men with the infertility they can take a little longer to feel comfortable with the invasive nature of it all and it can be hard not to get frustrated with them. My husband is taking so long to come to terms with it that sometimes I just want to scream. Try and take the time pressure off a little if you can, it will help him to feel in control of the decisions over his body and gives him space to process how he feels. I have found having my own counselling really helpful, he's not ready for it yet but I have accessed and really found it helpful.

Big hug to you and I hope you manage to talk it all through. Don't be scared if arguing, it can be healthy and doesn't mean your not a strong couple x

Thanks for the love guys. We made up last night, he said he does want children and will go to the private appointment next week. I think it just got too real too soon for him x

Thats great news Laura - have you found a private urologist? are you planning or freezing the sperm or starting icsi ASAP?

THanks lildottie - so good to read your story. I'm sorry that you miscarried - how are you feeling? its good to be positive about the fact that you did get pregnant - is that your first pregnancy?

For me and DH we are more worried about the long term effects of IVF than the process of going through it which is what is putting us off it. DH is still hopeful that it wont be needed at all and we will get pregnant naturally, i hope he's right but am far less positive about it. Its a funny time as part of me hopes the next appointment helps us by taking decisions away from us ie the vitamins have improved things so much you don't need ivf or theres no way you can use DH sperm. It would make it easier if there were less options and less choice, in a way. If there is anything inbetween then we need to decide how far we are willing to go and if the mostly unkown long term risks are worth taking. All such big decisions. In total contrast to the amount of people i work with who don't even make a decision to try for a baby, it just happens.

Lugo I'm feeling OK atm but I'm starting to have wobbles. yes ivf bfp was my first and only bfp. just trying to stay relaxed about it.
interested to know what you mean about long term effects of ivf. do you mean for you or baby? as far as I'm aware the risk of birth defects is only increased to 2.6% for icsi compared to 2% in natural conception so not really significant enough for me to worry about personally. and ivf has been around for decades now so I imagine any significant long term effects would be known by now and I've not found information on any.

Gosh I'm sorry, that must be hard. I no when you set out on this you get and prepare for it not working straight away but I doubt it makes it easier.

It's hard as this is such a personal and hard decision for everyone so I by no means think Ivf is wrong. What I personally find difficult is that there's very little to no finding given to researching the long term effects of Ivf on the mother so although it's been around a long time no one is doin the research to see any patterns. I've had two friends have Ivf and be diagnosed with cancer within 2 years - may not be linked at all but I'm sure you can see why it makes us anxious. As for the baby, the birth defect risk is relatively small but there's some research which says increased risk of certain diseases later in life. A lot of things increase that though so it's not necessarily a direct link or anything to worry about. For me, I have a brain tumor which I've had since a baby and it's non cancerous but I worry that the high doses of hormones could cause it to start growing. All irrational probably but suddenly when you are faced with these decisions it makes it very hard to know the right choice.

I guess the truth of it is there is no wrong choice. there's so many reasons not to do ivf yet the only reason to do it comes with no guarantee's! I think in your circumstances I would definitely have the same fears/concerns, but for me there's not a great history of cancer in my family and I figure 10 years on the pill has already upped my cancer risk so why not throw a little ivf in the mix, lol. and I guess the diseases the child may get also come down to personal opinion on whether you feel not living is better than living with said diseases. for me the worst conundrum is the ethics of left over embryo's. but of 11 eggs I was only left with 2 embryos and had them both transferred so that took that problem away for me!
we are all different, and that's what will make our children special, however we have them.