3rd private ivf or accept never gonna be a mum

[Blondeshavemorefun]

really wasnt sure what to name this thread

basically i/we cant work out whether to try for ivf a 3rd time, both other tries were private due to dp having children (who i may add are in their 20's) so think its so unfair that i lose my 'free' nhs go, but thats life ................ :(

im almost 42, so running out of time, we spent over £10k so far last year, and obv failed both times

to go a 3rd time will be a financial struggle, not least if fails and paying it back, but then it might work

is it a case of 3rd time lucky

if we dont try again will i always regret it?

99% of my friends have children, 1 couple nhs ivf and worked first/only yime, so no cost to them

everyone else ie my friends/relatives just seems to get preg :( either without trying ie accident, or tcc and get preg 1st month its not that i dont want them to get preg, but why do they/everyone just fall preg :(

ttc basically 33-37 with my then dh (was about to try nhs ivf) but who sadly died when i was 37, then met an amazing man with older kids who was happy to try for a baby and 39-41/42, so almost 10yrs on and off with 2 men

i have one blocked tube but other one is fine and tech i should get preg, but dont, so unexplained

so do we try again and it work :), try again and fail and still be paying it off in 6/12mths time or accept will never be a mum :(

we did go for adoption talks, but as had ivf and my mum died last year, we have to wait 6mths before starting the process, and was told would take 2yrs or so, and as dp will be over 50 then and me heading up to 44/45 that we wouldnt be able to adopt prob an under 5 due to our age and dp smoking

sorry for long post, trying to give all info

just dont know what to do :(

Have you thought about donor eggs? The success rates would be much higher. I am having ivf in Prague at the moment and has been amazing so far. The clinics are so much more efficient than in the UK and it's a lot cheaper. I'm loving it. I'm having egg transfer on Friday and really hoping I get a bfp!

As someone who had IVF (NHS and thankfully it worked on the 2nd go when we were moved from IVF to ICSI and different stim drugs) I'd say to always follow your heart.

It's better IMO to be looking back in a few years knowing that at least you tried and gave it your best shot rather than looking back and having the horrid nagging 'yeah but what if we were meant to be a 3rd time lucky couple' doubts.

I don't know if you are able to visit a fertility clinic for an assessment to ask them if there's anything health wise you can do prior to the next go to put yourself (and your DH) in the best possible position for a positive outcome.

Hello, I just had my 4th ivf after trying own eggs but moving onto donor for last two cycle, I had been trying 7 years with 1 tube and nothing. We tried some immunes meds with this cycle for the first time and I can only presume that's what helped

Would stop smoking to increase chances? Has clinic said what they could do differently to increase chances or explain why cycles not work. For eg I did not get mny eggs (4) so reduced our chances.

have thought about donor eggs,but apparently i have very good eggs for ' a bird my age' as the doctor said

got 11 last time so dont think its the smoking bit (i dont smoke,just dp) tho he is trying to give up, but as hes been smoking over 30yrs a very hard habit to do

they dont know why ivf fails for me, tho guess no one ever knows why it fails or would always be 100% success rate :(

woobeedoo i think youve hit the nail on the head, i will always wonder if we dont give it a 3rd go of what if ........

it will be a financial struggle and put on credit card but will be worth it

when do people stop trying, when they run out of money last time lol or cant stand the heartbreak, both failed attempts i was in a complete mess afterwards tears all the time, and then my mum died which was the icing on the cake so to speak :(

im just dithering :( if i had more time it wouldnt be so bad but being 41 i dont really :(

Our consultant told us IVF was a numbers game.

The success rate is small especially for older women, but he said the statistics show that most people get pregnant with up to 3 attempts. I'm not sure of age group for this statistic though, I was 37 at the time but poor egg quantity due to only having one ovary.

But after 3 unsuccessful attempts your chances get smaller.

For this reason I decided to give it 3 tries and then give up, and I always saw it as a course of treatment rather than individual attempts IYKWIM.

The cost meant we couldn't go on indefinitely, and psychologically it helped to know there was an end point, after which we could attempt to move on or explore other options.

The reason I suggested donor eggs was that even though you may have a good supply of eggs at 41 around 80% of them will be chromosomally abnormal and so will not be viable to create a pregnancy. You can have the eggs tested via something called array cgh testing to identify which ones are viable but it's not cheap. Although it is considerably cheaper abroad than the UK. I just thought if this were to be your last treatment you would have a far greater chance of success with donor but that's not to say it couldn't work for your own eggs either just different success rates. Good luck in whatever you decide x

Definitely try again! But maybe have a look at going abroad. From my limited research it seems you can get treatment for less than half the UK cost, plus the clinics I've looked at provide a few more 'high tech' treatments and seem a lot more advanced than the one clinic I've been to. I've had 2 failed cycles here in the UK, we will be going to Prague later on in the year to try again!

Hi op. I'm marking my place to come back later. X

I am having treatment in prague as we speak blue i can highly recommend it. We have had a fantastic experience!

Thanks for replies

We are going for a chat /review in 3 weeks time with the clinic where we were

Obv depends what they say - if they say not worth it etc then won't - but think we will try again - put the cost on our flexible friend ........ But Obv depends on what our consultation says

Coz we are thinking about it so much - I feel we have to give it another try or I will always wonder what if .......,,,,

Hope those in praque get the results you want - come back and say x

Lucieloos has made all the points I was going to make . I'm 42, 2 failed fresh cycles and 1 failed FET in the UK last year. We went to Prague for DE IVF in January and although it failed, we've got 3 frosties to try and we're going to transfer two more next month and then the last one if we need it. The fresh donor cycle plus one FET will have cost me less than one own egg cycle in the UK.

Lucie is absolutely right about egg quality - even if it's "good for your age" (mine was too - I produced 9 embryos over the two fresh cycles, of which 5 made it to blastocyst. The second time we didn't wait to see how long they lasted, because we had decided to transfer 3 (based on my age and the fact that I'd had two failed transfers already) so we transferred at day 2. But in spite of "good" quality embryos/blastocysts, my chances are really slim compared with the odds of a donor cycle working.

It's not for everyone - I've known people feel very strongly that they would not want to use donor eggs, but for me it was the most pragmatic thing to do.

We have decided though, that enough is enough. We will use up the frosties that we have and if we have been unsuccessful, then we will draw a line under IVF and accept our lot. We may yet consider adoption, but I'm not sure.

I think the criteria for nhs treatment is often no smoking for either partner.
I agree with lucie the problem with older eggs is the quality not quantity (though that can be reduced too). So less chance of blasts implanting- higher MC rates etc.
As you are unexplained it could be ivf isnt solving whatever the issue is :(
Is that 11 eggs? Did they all fertilise? How did they look on day 3 or as blasts?

my cousins dp smoked and they got nhs ivf, i dont get it coz dp has children from a previous relationship

think 11 eggs, 10 fertilized, 3 didnt make it and after blasting 3 good ones left - brain hazy

we are going for a chat in 2 weeks and see what the consultant says

I think the non smoking probably varies by area. But here and next couple of pcts all say both partners non smokers (1pct says for 6m)
3 blasts sounds good. It is what i hate most about ivf there are no answers when it doesnt work- just probabilities i.e womans age- but it wont necessarily be that.

I say go for it. It's true that you rarely regret the things you do (as opposed to those you don't). I'm 26 weeks after cycle 4. We weren't sure either but imagine if we hadn't gone ahead...
I echo the DE suggestions. I had my first child (unassisted) at 40 but the own egg IVF at 42 didn't work despite 'good eggs' and high AMH. With all 3 DE cycles, a pregnancy was established (even if 2 went on to miscarry).
Good luck and be happy, whatever you decide.

think about going abroad for ivf. In Czech and Polonad clinics are cheaper. In Poland good fertility clinics offer ivf for 2000 Euro, other programms (pgd, pgd ngs, eggs freezing) if you need are also cheaper. There are low cost flights to main cities in Poland, a country itself is a low cost. Or any good clinic in Czech rep.

It's a hard truth that age/eggs really change your chances. 2 good friends of mine finally have their miracle families after years and years of failed fertility treatments and heartache because they made the change to donor eggs. Worked first time for both after years and £££££ down the drain with their own eggs.