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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

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Original poster

SO dragging his feet

8 replies

BexWex · 13/04/2015 10:22

I had my tests done back in December/January and my half of everything is all ready for to be referred to the fertility clinic. Found out I have PCOS and trying my best to deal with it and make some changes before our first appointment but my SO is dragging his heels and STILL hasn't done his side of the tests! He keeps coming up with excuses but at the same time saying he does want to get them done.

I am just so frustrated and annoyed. Did anyone else's SO do this?

OP posts:

Naty1 · 13/04/2015 14:22

No but mine did first test at home then drove it in. Wouldnt recommend that though as we then wondered if it had affected the results
I can see they dont like doing the test. But i know which i would prefer between that and an internal scan.
He is likely to be fine, but if he's not the treatment may go straight to ivf, in which case womans age etc make a difference so he shouldnt delay unnecessarily
I actually think they shoult test men first, as it doesnt really matter if we are ovulating naturally if there isnt enough sperm (bit bitter about doing 3, day 21 tests before finding out about the low sperm count and wastibg about a yr.

Justusemyname · 13/04/2015 14:25

Actions speak louder than words. You need to have an honest talk.

FortySixandTwo · 13/04/2015 16:28

Mine took 2 years to complete his tests and did the same as Natys and drove the tests in, then needed a retest which took him 6 months to get round to. As he had been the one actively interested in starting a family I couldn't understand why he was dragging his heels, but as Justusemyname says a frank and honest discussion is in need. Once id drummed it into DH's head that time was not an infinite resource he finally got with the programme. Good Luck x

CatnipMouse · 14/04/2015 20:04

Yes. It was very stressful. Really bloody stressful actually. However, eventually we got there and now that we are mid IVF he has become so much better and supportive and engaged. But it did feel like dragging an anchor uphill through mud to get to this point. I am sorry you are also having trouble... I felt a bit grrrr when I was reading all this stuff online with women talking about how amazing their partners were, and I thought well clearly it's just me with an issue here. Of course it wasn't only me!

Is he worried that the whole treatment thing will be awful (it's not, IMHO), is that maybe why he's reluctant? Or that you will be angry with him if there is a problem with his side of things? What do you think is underlying this?

Original poster

BexWex · 17/04/2015 13:16

He has never shown any sign that he's scared of the result and he knows that I wouldn't be mad at him - that would be like him being mad at me for having PCOS. I really don't know what is causing him to do this :/

Does seem that I need to sit him down though and have a proper conversation with him about it though.

OP posts:

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy · 18/04/2015 14:36

My friends DP has been like this. They started tests etc at the same time as a colleague of mine. Colleague was referred to IVF clinic and are undergoing the first cycle right now. Friend is about 12 months behind because her partner feels uncomfortable going into the hospital to provide his samples.
Please explain that he needs to shape up and prioritise this. I know my friend has had to sit hers down and explain all the tests she has had and will be having (blood tests, taking temp daily, internal scan and HSG so far). I think he's beginning to get it, but it's taking a long time.

For me, DH told me he hated having to do the test but that was about it, we just got on with it, we made light of it I sent him some random boob pictures while he was doing his sample but its a very long road. I have PCOS and we are mid-treatment right now. Its very very difficult and you need to be a team by plodding on together whilst acknowledging that it's rubbish for both of you but will be worth it in the end.

Sakura03 · 24/04/2015 15:58

So glad I came across this thread as I thought it was just my OH who doesn't seem keen to have it done, well initially he was all up for it but then he had a wobble and wasn't sure if he wanted a child (long story but he's got a child already who he's had not contact with and feels very guilty towards this child) and for a while we were going round in circles. He does want to go ahead he says but I feel I can't discuss it as much as I'd like... I've got the tub and paperwork of my dr today so I've got discuss it with him. In general I suppose it must be a bit daunting for a bloke to have a SA but then so are our tests. I've had bloods done and they are fine but at some point I may have further tests done depending on the SA.

How is everyone getting on?

RudeBarbandCustard · 30/04/2015 21:52

I've been there, had all the arguments and heartache.

At the end of the day, if you are going to go through IVF you'll face invasive examinations, daily injections, probes, legs in stirrups... god knows what else.

All your DH has to do is go and wank in a cup.

Frank talk, and tell him to pull his finger out and grow up if he wants this to happen.

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