Sister infertility

[LouLoulondon34]

I hope this is the right place to post this, my sister is currently experiencing infertility issues and is shortly due to start ivf. I am hoping after a long time TTC that she will get a result my lovely sister is desperate for. The reason for this post , I am 15 weeks pregnant, which happened naturally and I know my sister is struggling with this and is trying to be involved, but I can see how hard it is for her. I just want some tips how I can be sensitive to her at this time and be supportive to her on the Ivf road.
Thanks in advance

Hi LouLou

Didn't want to read and run! You sound like a nice caring sister and she's lucky to have you :-)

I feel that everyone might be different in what they want from others though... Me personally, I hate being asked all the time how things are going with regards to TTC. People always seem to ask a lot of questions as it's something people cannot really understand without going through it. I don't know if your sister is on MN but I get a lot of support from the groups of ladies on here that are going through the same thing. If she's not on here suggest she does maybe? I'm not saying that your comfort won't be enough btw! Wish her luck and say you're there if she needs to talk about anything or cry on your shoulder.

I've been ttc for over 2 years now and during that time at least 6 people i know have got preg and had babies. There is nothing you can do to take that pain away from her I'm afraid. I will say one thing you can do though, don't complain about anything in your pregnancy! Infertile people want to get morning sickness and indigestion and backaches believe it or not! My best friends know and so do our parents. I don't get any support from my Mum or sister unfortunately. My Mum believes in what will be will be and that we shouldn't interfere. She was against me having treatment but said it was my choice in the end. I told her I'll just let her know if it works and not when we are having it. I don't really see my sister or my nieces unfortunately as we don't get on. My sister's kids, or at least the first one, was unplanned and she's been quite resentful of it ever since. I can't get on with someone like that.

Sorry for epic post! I hope your sister's dreams come true!

Thank you victoria for taking the time to reply. Your advice is really helpful and has given me some really good tips on how to support my sister over the next few months.
I send you my very best wishes for your journey and thank you again for your kind words.

I'm struggling with secondary infertility so not able to avoid all things child related. I find it really difficult talking about pregnancies with friends who have got pregnant (and in particular my NCT friends). My best advice is to only bring up anything to do with your pregnancy if she asks.

Good luck with your pregnancy and to your sister too. You sound lovely.

You sound really lovely and very thoughtful. I was in a very similar position except that I was the one with fertility issues and my younger sister was pregnant.

Although I was happy for her, I was so sad for myself. I'm afraid that I couldn't bring myself to see her during most of her pregnancy. I knitted things for her dc, so she knew I was thinking of her, but I just couldn't face seeing her growing bump.

The one time I did see her, she complained about how awful her pregnancy symptoms were. Whilst I completely understood that she was having a tough time, it was horrendous hearing her complain about the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world.

Once her dc was born, our relationship improved again, and in fact, I found out I was very unexpectedly pregnant about 6 months later.

I am in the opposite situation to you as we are infertile and have had ivf/waiting for a frozen embryo transfer and my little sister is now 8.5 months pregnant.

It was very very hard to start with but has got easier. I am now at the stage where I am just very happy and excited for her and can't wait to meet her baby. I think as the baby has grown it is easier for me to consider it 'her' baby and realise it's not my baby, it has no bearing on my own situation, and that I need to support her and her partner.

To start with, yes it was very very hard, I shed a few tears! There were definitely a good few months where I distanced myself a bit as I just couldn't bear it. What helped me was: her not complaining about pregnancy. I simply cannot bear people complaining about pregnancy - I would give anything to be puking all the time! other moments I found hard were when she started buying maternity clothes, started nct classes, started regular midwife appointments, talking about a christening etc. Milestones I suppose, as these are things I can only dream of. So, just be careful about how much you share unless she asks you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy - you are a good sister to be thinking about your sister's feelings at what must be an overwhelming and exciting time. I hope all goes well for you and that things work out for your sister too.