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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

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Original poster

how best to support friend

12 replies

pud1 · 11/02/2015 12:48

my friend is going through the IVF process and she is currently on her first cycle. i apologize if i get all the terminology wrong but she has had her fertilized eggs implanted as as i understand it she will test in 2 weeks.

i have supported her through the entire process, she hasn't told many people and i get the feeling that i am the person that she uses to walk about it all. what i am tryng to say is that i have been involved in it all as much as an onlooker can be

my question is i know the date she will be testing and i dont know what i should do on that date. should i call her, not call her. i dont want her to feel any pressure but i also don't want her to feel ignored. if it is positive i dont want her to feel that she has to tell me but if its not good news i dont want her to feel like i am not there for her. i am probably thinking too much but any advice would be great

thanks

OP posts:

Thurlow · 11/02/2015 12:54

I'm going through similar with a friend. I sent her a message a day before and wished her well and said I wouldn't message her on the day, that she could let me know if she wanted to, or not if she didn't. It is awkward, isn't it? I think make sure that she knows you're not ignoring her.

Britbird · 11/02/2015 12:56

I would text in the morning or the evening before to say you're thinking of her and leave it at that. It will be nice for her to know you haven't forgotten. One of the things I didn't like was feeling that I had everyone's else's expectations to deal with too and I certainly didn't feel like letting everyone know when it was negative, I just couldn't cope with that on the day.

Britbird · 11/02/2015 12:59

Pud and Thurlow you both sound like lovely friends. Knowing people are thinking of you and that they get what a massive thing it is for you is so important. What I can't stand is other peoples excitement, people who are really positive telling you it will work etc. because I think that downplays the significance of everything that I've been through. Or people who want to know every single detail even though they don't really understand it.

HawkeyeInChaos · 11/02/2015 23:25

You sound a lovely friend. I think a text the night before is a good idea.

However, she may get a bleed before the two weeks are up. The clinic will have told her that a bleed does not mean it hasn't worked. However, it is very hard to stay positive when you are facing something which is like a normal AF. I think what I'm saying is that she may need your support before the 2 weeks are up.

I hope it goes well for her.

inconceivableme · 11/02/2015 23:59

A few friends who supported me throughout my (successful) IVF cycle text me the night before / morning of test day. One just said ' thinking of and praying for you' and another said ' thinking of you. no need to reply, just wanted you to know'. Both texts were wonderful to receive before I tested. You're a very considerate friend. I wish your friend all the best.

Ficidy · 12/02/2015 08:44

I agree with everyone else. Text her the night before. Tell her you won't contact her the next day but you are there if she needs you.

I hope she gets a BFP! Let us know.

Original poster

pud1 · 12/02/2015 08:57

thanks. I will text her the night before. I really hope its good news for her

OP posts:

Original poster

pud1 · 14/02/2015 13:32

can I ask you ladies a question.

she has had an embrio implanted that is 5 days old. it has a name bit I can't remember it. is this significant. does it increase her chances

OP posts:

Maidmarigold · 14/02/2015 13:37

She has had a blastocyst transferred. This means that the embryo was 5 days old so that's good news because it survived that long. Lots die in the first couple of days. It hasn't been implanted, this happens a few days after transfer and there is no way of knowing if this has happened until the pregnancy test.

Original poster

pud1 · 14/02/2015 13:42

blastocyst. that's it. I understand now. I forget all the terminology.

she also said that it flashed when they did the transfer and the doctor said that's a good thing.

I am asking all this as I am seeing her over the weekend and want to get the facts in my head.

OP posts:

Maidmarigold · 14/02/2015 13:53

It's all very complicated! She will have been given a date to test on, usually two weeks after when the eggs were collected. She will be taking progesterone now and they can mimic pregnancy symptoms so really there is no way of knowing until test day. She will have been told to act as though she is pregnant, it's called pupo - pregnant until proven otherwise. It's is such a nerve wracking time because so much rests on the result and really it's out of the persons control now, all they can do is hope it implants and develops normally. But, ivf is often down to luck and remember at best there might only be a 50% chance of it working.

Original poster

pud1 · 14/02/2015 14:20

thanks for all the info. i cant even imagine what she is going through at the moment.

it has been heartbreaking to see her go though this over the past 7 years. she has helped me through 2 mc's and has been the best god mother 2 my 2dd's. she is such a good friend and a lovely person.

OP posts:

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