Fed up of being strong

[VixxFace]

(Moan thread apologies in advance).

Anyone else fed up of having to put a brave face on when yet another friend or family member is pregnant.

I became pregnant after years of infertility but lost my little bean at three months which broke me. Its been three years and I am currently waiting for my last appointment with consultant where they tell us if we can have ivf.
I have pcos and dp has a low sperm count.

I am sick of smiling when a friend is pregnant (although I am happy for them).
Sick of saying 'hopefully one day soon' when someone else asks me if I have kids.
Sick of not being able to speak about the little one I lost or like he didn't exist.

Sick of feeling like a failure. in the last five years my younger sisters have had five pregnancies including one I had to pick up from an abortion clinic (one night stand).

Anyone else feel the same way (eaten up but having to suck it up)?

blooming heck, im sure i wrote that myself!

totally know the feeling. i also have pcos, OH also has low count, currently on iui, (cancelled due to over-stim) then probs ivf next year. also had miscarriage in 2013.

his sister had mc recently, his parents made a massive fuss of her and shoving it in our faces of how much hell shes been thru, yet ours was just brushed aside, maybe cos im not their daughter?

so sad about your sisters, esp the abortion one. thats sad. ive deceided ive become a whole lot bitter about it all. i used to be so laid back and blase' about life, now im foul.

don't know of any words to comfort you, but you'll keep going just cos your heart is packed full of hope and you cant let that feeling go. good luck with ivf hunny, i hope you pick up soon xx

Hi Bessie, thanks for replying. I am sorry you're in a similar boat but it is nice to hear someone who is in the same boat.

Sorry about your mc, did you conceive naturally?

Sorry you're having a hard time, and sorry about your mc.

I think infertility is one of toughest things you can go through in life. I don't think anything can make it better, but I can tell you what my husband once said to me on one of my toughest days - 'every knock gets you ready to be a better parent, with all the knocks we've had we'll be the best parents'.

My SIL got pregnant around 2 years ago (we were still trying), I was so annoyed she even had the coil, and still got pregnant. Unfortunately she had a mc days later and I couldn't have felt smaller as a person. I try and keep that in mind now when I hear people's news, holding out hope one it'll be me.

Wish you all the luck in the world x

I could have written your post op.

Lots of counselling helped.

It's the hardest thing I've ever had to cope with - and I'm including the sudden death of my DDad and the miserable, painful death of my dm in that equation.

Look after yourself and don't expect too much of yourself.

X

Thanks for responding, im sorry we are all in or have been in this unfortunate club.
Where did you find your counselling?

Your dp is wise . My dp is more like if it happens it happens if not then ok.

At the fertility clinic Vixx.

She was amazing. If you were my friend (and you are, virtually) I be seriously encouraging you to give it a go.

It's not for everyone, but with a bloody big go. X

How do I go about getting that? My appointment isn't until March.

I can relate to lots of your post, too OP. It IS hard hearing about other people getting pregnant - especially those who didn't mean to and aren't over the moon about it. It is all so unfair.

The thing that made me saddest though, was your reference to not being able to talk about your pregnancy loss. You can - you should - this grief is as real as any other type of grief. The taboo around talking about miscarriage is the world's problem, not ours, and I've had so much support from lovely friends since I started talking about mine.

I miscarried after ttc for 2 years and at the time, my primary emotion was "well, at least I can conceive....let's get on with doing it again." That was 3 years ago, and it never did happen again. We had 2 failed fresh IVF cycles and a frozen one last year and we're now having a last ditch attempt with donor eggs.

Good luck x

Ah purple maggie I am sorry for your loss and I understand when you say you thought 'at least I know I can get pregnant'. I really hope the future is positive for you and that you get there.

Eumice what did you write