Anyone else struggling with secondary infertility

[needleandthread]

Hi everyone, I haven't posted here before but thought I would bite the bullet...

I have a DD who is 2.5 who means the world to me. It took 3 years of trying to conceive her and we never thought we would get there. We have been trying pretty much since she was born to conceive again and over 2 years later absolutely nothing. I am finding it so hard - all my friends and sister who had babies at the same time as my first are pregnant again. I am 33 now and worried about getting older with no success.

My AF started today and we went out to meet friends who announced they are pregnant. I don't want to take away anyone elses joy but going through this again is so painful and lonely. I also feel guilty for having these feelings when I have a healthy and wonderful daughter. I am struggling to express how I feel to those around me and feel so utterly down right now. Most times I try to not think about it at all as it's so painful. Sorry for the long moany post - I guess I've just got to get it off my chest and would love to hear from others in the same situation or who have been there.

Hi needle

I'm not in the same boat exactly as we're ttc no1, but I can totally relate to your feelings towards friends pregnancies. It's so hard when they have the one thing you want more than anything.

I don't have any advice as I'm really struggling myself but just wanted to say you're not alone in feeling like that. X

www.infertilitynetworkuk.com/

I would have a chat with the above charity as they are very helpful to those who have problems in ttc.

Did you receive help when you tried to conceive your first child?. I ask this only as it took 3 years to conceive your DD. I would now look into getting medical advice particularly as it took this length of time to conceive your DD. Both of you should be tested further.

You're definitely not alone in feeling like this, and it doesn't make you a bad person either. We've been ttc #2 for 1.5 years now with a mmc last February. One of my friends who started ttc at the same time as us got pregnant immediately and had her baby last spring. It took me a while to not feel jealous every time I saw her, and it's only natural to think 'why can't that be me?'

All my NCT friends have had their second babies as well (or at least the ones who were going to have more than one) and at last week's get together I felt really sad and left out when they were all talking about how their babies are growing up.

I agree with Attila though, if you haven't had any investigations done you should definitely see your GP. We've had all the tests and no issue has been found, which just makes it more annoying really that it's not happening, but there might be something easily fixable for you.

Hi needle. We are in the same position - dd is 2.3 and all my Nct friends are pregnant or with a newborn. I have actually moved away from the group because the chat was getting too painful.

We have started to have investigations and I got myself into the system pretty early on - it took a few months to get appointments and procedures haven't been conclusive so far. I have a final investigation at the end of the month and based on what they find we will likely then go private.

The last few months I have been absolutely devastated and completely blindsided by my dream of having a little gang not happening. I feel so guilty for not being able to provide my daughter with a sibling close in age. Somehow though I have worked through this and have accepted the thought of having a long journey ahead.

Very best of luck. Taking control and doing what I can has helped.

I'm in this position too. I have one precious DS from IVF - first round was successful after 2 years TTC naturally. I have ovulatory PCOS so our infertility was unexplained.
We did a frozen embryo cycle in November and I got pregnant but sadly miscarried at almost 7 weeks.

Most of my mum friends have a second already or are about to give birth. Whenever we go to toddler activities it seems everyone with a child the same age as mine has a babe in arms or a huge bump.

AFAIK none experienced any difficulty conceiving either time...

It's very painful, but not as bad (yet) as the primary infertility we experienced.

I've been ttc#2 for over a year now. Ive lost count of the number of cycles. I really don't know how me and dh keep going at it every month with the optimism that this is the month to then have AF turn up exactly on time. The whole time I've been trying ive never even had to take a test as AF has never been late.

I am lucky to have an amazing 2.5 year old who I love more than anything and like so many of you have said it just breaks my heart that I can't give her a sibling. I'm dreading when she's old enough to ask why she doesn't have a brother or sister.

I've had blood tests and a scan and nothing's been found. I'm supposed to be having a lap and dye next week and have also started having acupuncture.

I feel the same about toddler groups. Everyone who has a toddler is either pregnant or has a babe in arms. I can't bear to look at them. So we've mostly stopped going now. Meeting up with a friend with a dd same age as mine and new baby on Friday and absolutely dreading it.
Here's hoping some of us get good news soon.

My son is 2.5 too Mrsbadger. We may be the same age too judging by your username...? I had a lap and dye before my IVF and also did acupuncture for months. PM me if you want?

Hi there
I'm having the exact same problem been trying just over a year and half for baby no 2 and nothing . My periods are very irregular and I haven't had one positive ovulation test , I know exactly how you feel about everybody else getting pregnant as many of my close family ,friends etc seem to be all announcing there pregnancies and it's very upsetting xxx

Yep, I'm in the secondary infertility boat as well. Nine attempts at IVF and still nothing. As a few of you say, it's so painful not to be able to provide my DS with a sibling and I want to cry when I watch him play alone at home and it's painful seeing other siblings laughing and playing out and about.

I am 38 in July so am feeling the dread that I am running out of time and that it may never happen if my next IVF attempt this March doesn't work.

I'm in the same boat.
October - failed ivf
November - natural bfp then early miscarriage
Jan - FET

My DD is 6 and a half years old and doesn't understand why she is the only one in her class with no siblings! Very hard and she asks me almost daily for a sister or brother. Every birthday and the 9 months before her birthday are the hardest. When I realised I missed her 7th birthday I was very sad and it's only those times I cry. But….what can you do? Wallow? Feel shit? Yes, but I'm a mum and she deserves a happy mum and she's had a great life so far with lots of attention! I refuse to let it eat me up.

Sorry, mrsbadger but your comment about stopping going to toddler playgroups was sad to read. I know it's hard but surely if it's a sibling you really want then the best place for your DD is to be in these toddler groups interacting with others? I hope that hasn't come out wrong.

Good luck to everyone desperately trying for for no.. 2

Hi needleandthread, sorry to hear you are in such a horrible situation, I know how you feel, we have a 6 year old son who is amazing but now asking why he is the only 'only' at school.

We have been trying for 44 cycles, had 1 mc 36 months ago, have tried acupuncture, massage, counselling, and the best piece if advice...not thinking about it....really, how is that supposed to happen when it is all consuming and the ONLY thing I think about all the time.

As with you my baby friends are now having number 3, which is hard for me and also awkward that they feel awkward as well. I was at the consultant today, she doesn't think ivf will be any help to us as there are actually no problems, unexplained secondary infertility, it is my age ( I am 41) that she says is the problem. I so wish that there was a medical reason and then I could move on, it's the 2 weeks of hope every month that are the hardest. She says ihave to punt my blessings and make the most of the child we have.

Sorry to moan but I have been breaking my heart all night and deciding to clear out all our baby things, I can't keep going on like this, I need to move on and get over seeing prams, buggies, bumps everywhere, even the blooming gynae room in the hospital is right beside the labour suite and the baby ward.

Good luck to everyone, I hope your no. 2 comes along xx

We're in the same boat. Just posted before I saw this thread.

I've got a 5 year old, and been trying 3 years for nr 2. Not happening. It feels as if she's the only child in her class without a sibling.

My infertility is unexplained. All tests came back normal. So now we're having our first IVF cylcle

Hello everyone

We're in the same position and have been for 5 heartbreaking years. We started trying when our DS was 6 months old and have had 2 MC's. With the second one 3 years ago I had to have a D&C and since then haven't been pregnant. Having looked into it and after complete disinterest from our GP (I'm now 46), we went to London for investigation and the consultant found adhesions on my cervix from the D&C (I think it's also called Asherman's Syndrome). How I regret that D&C now but at the time it was the only option.

Anyway, I completely understand how you all feel - from avoiding friends, to stopping going to playgroups. I even gave up my job last year as 3 of my clients were pregnant with their second ones (I know, what an idiot, as we now need the money - but it really was too painful). One friend, even knowing a little of what we were going through, turned to another friend and said "We're so lucky, it was so easy for us" - I could have walloped him but I guess if you haven't been through it, you don't realise how heartbreaking secondary infertility is. It really is all consuming but, although I'm still desperate for a sibling for our DS, I'm so completely grateful for him at the same time as I have friends who would love even one child. I'm so tired of sobbing about this and have got to the point where I have to accept it's not going to happen. We're now looking into adoption.

So.... for anyone else who still has the energy, here's a list of what I tried and I really hope it helps someone going through what we went through -

1. Had our chromosomes checked

1. Tests for anti-phospholipid syndrome

1. Acupuncture

1. Kinesiology - by far the best investment as she tested the following:

a) Trauma left over from the miscarriage and invasive D&C and was able to release this - bonkers but true! b) She tested my husband's sperm against my body and my body was apparently rejecting it - she cleared whatever block was there (I know! Can you even imagine the conversation I had to have with my husband to even get this to happen. What can I say? We were desperate! And this did work for friends of ours who got pregnant after trying with no luck for 5 years) c) Homocysteine Levels - mine were off the charts d) V-steaming - well, I drew the line at this but she did suggest it e) Vitamin and mineral testing

1. Private testing - obvs not for everyone but again, we didn't know what else to do and, upsettingly, did give us an answer as to what was going on

Hope one of you has some good news soon . Feel free to message me if you want further information

Babytiger xx

It took us 4 years to conceive DD. I have endo but after medical intervention and referral for IVF we finally conceived naturally. I am 33 and we are now ttc #2 and even though this is out first cycle of official trying, we have not used any form of contraception in the last 6 years and that only resulted in one pregnancy. I am anxious about it all because I really don't think I could bear to go through it all again, even though we would really love to have another child and give DD a sibling.

By officially trying I mean that DH and I sat down and discussed it all and decided we would like to try properly and commit to dtd every other day so as to increase our chances. For the first time since DD was born, 2.2 years ago we both opened up to each other about our feelings. We were plodding along hoping it would happen without us 'trying' Unfortunately, not been possible to dtd every other day this cycle due to other stuff going.

I wish everyone in the same boat the best of luck as I know full well how tough it is