Beginning my path as an egg donor...

[phoenixrose314]

Hi all, I didn't really know where to post this but hoped this was kind of the right place.

I'm in my late 20's, happily married with three gorgeous children (one mine, two my stepchildren) and have decided that as I am not using my eggs anymore, I would like to become an egg donor. My children are my entire world, such a blessing, and I really want to help those who need a little extra help to make their own dream come true - I can only imagine how hard it must be to be told you need help conceiving.

I was really excited initially and my husband, after initial worries and concerns, is now very supportive. But as time goes on and I have looked more and more into egg donation, I keep seeing negative posts by donor-conceived children and some by donors themselves - as well as sudden creeping worries that I could be giving my eggs to anyone, maybe a couple or person I wouldn't even like? And then I snap back into reality and wonder if I'm worrying over nothing... If the research is true and donor-conceived children are just as emotionally rounded as naturally conceived children; that the people willing to go to such extraordinary lengths to have a baby would of course love and nurture a baby with even more appreciation than any other new parents; that the experience will leave me feeling positive and warm rather than empty and wondering.

Has anyone out there used an egg donor? What were your experiences? Or perhaps you know of someone who has? I'd just really like to talk to someone who has been on the OTHER side of the experience, as I've already spoken to lots of egg donors and feel quite positive about their experience of the donating process.

Hi phoenix, if my current (third) cycle of IVF doesn't work out then we plan to use donor eggs next. I'm 37, my DH is 39 and we've been trying for 4 years. It's a miserable process, we want a child more than anything.

Becoming a donor is such a thoughtful, kind thing to do. I haven't been through the donation process yet but on behalf of desperate couples everywhere I thank you for your selflessness. Hopefully someone this forum can share their experience with you.

You, and others like you, are the sole reason I'm doing this. I know that desperate feeling, I felt it when my husband originally said he wanted no more children... I got lucky and my story changed, now I want to pay it forward and change someone else's.

I guess I take solace in thinking that couples who have been on such a long and stressful journey are strong together in tough times, must love each other dearly and truly want the new life they are trying to create.

Thank you colafrosties! It's so great to hear about people on the other side of the process, it makes what I'm doing seem more real.

Hi there - just had to jump on too. I'm waiting on the final test results for my donor before we (keeping fingers so crossed) get cracking with DE IVF in the new year.

I don't know who this wonderful woman is, and may never get to meet her, but I do know this. After the truly horrible path we've taken to get to this point, it blows my mind that someone we don't know would do this for us. Whether it works or not, the fact that someone is so generous and giving, and is prepared to do this for us to help us have a family is just beyond words. I'm welling up as I'm writing this, and wish both you and your potential recipient all the very best.

All I'd say is, if you go ahead, tell people what you're doing and why (if you feel comfortable doing so), the more this is talked about the better!

Much love xx

Weaselicious thank you so much for sharing this. I have only told a few people whilst I was making the decision, the people I knew I would need to support from (my mum, my sister, DH), and will be telling more people once I've had my initial tests and I am officially waiting to be somebody's donor. I agree that this needs to be talked about more - I had no idea egg donation was even a thing until an advert popped up about it on my Facebook page, and I thought "Wow, really?" I am astounded the donor list is so small, that the waiting list is so long, and think if more people were aware of it, perhaps that wouldn't be the case.

I will keep my fingers crossed and pray for you that the donation cycle goes well - hopefully your miracle isn't too far away now.

I think it's a wonderful thing to be considering Phoenix. We would love to be parents and as I've gone through premature ovarian failure an egg donor is our only hope. We waited 18 months to be matched for our first round of IVF which unfortunately failed last year and are on the list for another donor matchto try again.

Without amazing ladies like you we'd have no hope of fulfilling our dream. Thank you sincerely for your generosity, you've no idea what this could mean to couples like us. There are definitely more donors needed.

phoenixrose you are amazing to do this, it is the most selfless thing you can do for a family desperate for a child. I had our DTs using DEs, they have just turned one. I cannot believe how much my life has changed in the last year. I am so grateful to our donor for the gift of her eggs.

We were very lucky that we were matched very quickly, only a matter of weeks, at our UK clinic. The clinic we used actually advertised on the local radio for donors and this seemed to work really well. I know other people who have used the same clinic and didn't have to wait too long to be matched either.

When I look at DTs I know they are ours and are loved in exactly the same way our own biological children would have been. We will tell them about how they were conceived when the time is right. With UK donors DTs can contact the donor when they reach 18. I am curious about the donor but only on a superficial level as in what she looks like and what is she like as a person.

Good luck on your journey.

Phoenix I am currently pregnant (7 week scan booked for next week) after an egg donation IVF cycle. I can't tell you how grateful I am to our donor. We don't know her (we used an agency) and only have basic details but we stayed in the UK for treatment (lots of people go abroad) because it's important to me that any child has the option of finding the donor if they want to.

I don't think there's a huge amount of information available yet about the impact on children conceived using donor eggs as it hasn't been available as long as sperm donation. I'm hoping that honesty from the start will help the child (praying we get to that point) accept their history although I anticipate there will be wobbles from the start. I hope he/she will certainly know how much we wanted them!

Have you looked at the Donor Conception Network website? There are lots of personal stories there you may find helpful.

Good luck with it all.

Not 'will be wobbles from the start' but 'may be wobbles from time to time'.

Marmot congratulations, you must be thrilled!

I am keeping all my fingers crossed that it works out for you, what wonderful news. This is so amazing to hear, I feel a lot better having spoken to some people on FF and also to the lovely lady at Altrui about what happens in the future. I take great comfort in knowing that the recipient(s) of my eggs will love that child so much, more so than perhaps those who conceive in the "usual" way... what can go wrong when there is so much love?

Biggest of luck to you and thank you everybody for taking the time to reply.

Just spotted your thread. We're about to start a cycle with donor eggs, so I just wanted to say thank you - without people like you, we wouldn't be able to complete our family and give our ds the sibling he asks for on a regular basis. Thank you - what a kind, generous person you are x

Follow up from me - right at the last stage for us it turns out that our donor is a Cystic Fibrosis gene carrier so we can't proceed with the treatment. We're all beyond gutted - for us, we're right back to square one, where we were 7 months ago, and I know our donor was so keen to do this too.

It's about a one in 25 risk, so we've all been very unlucky, but I still can't thank her enough (and will be doing anonymously so via our agency) for coming forward. Without her and people like you we would never even have a shot.

We now have to decide what we're doing next, but we'll spend the next few days licking our wounds, then will need to pick ourselves up and carry on. I know from our donor's perspective that she will get all the support she needs from our agency, and that gives me great comfort too.

Weaselicious I'm so sorry to hear that, you (and your lovely donor) must be so disappointed. I haven't had my screening yet and am so anxious that I will get there and be told there is something that means I cannot do this wonderful thing... Still, I've had a child of my own without any issues and am in good health so fingers crossed.

If you need another donor, I'm right here waiting Weaselicious! I hope soon all your dreams and wishes come true xxx

Update for those who are interested... Last night I had a phonecall to say that they have matched me to a lovely sounding couple who are really excited to have finally found someone.

Now I am waiting for my first appointment for screenings, etc. I am now really panicking that something will be wrong during the screenings and I won't be able to give my eggs to this lovely couple who are waiting - did make me wonder why they don't screen the donors before they match... but never mind I am sure it will be fine. I am so excited to be helping someone achieve their dream!