Please help with my obsession

[tutsyflower]

I can't help but obsess over wanting to have a baby all my spear time is spend thinking about why I'm not pregnant yet, what we're doing wrong or what life would be like when we finally get our family started.

My husband doesn't understand how I feel about this TTC thing. I done what I was told "not to have children until your older" older as in not a teenager. I spent my teens surrender by friend and siblings having babies young, wanting them myself but believing I was doing the right thing by waiting. This was the best thing for me and my future children. Now I'm married 26 and I cant wait any longer my financial life if far from ready for family life but I need my babies and I need them now.

So iv been trying for a year now but no luck I have my first appointment with fertility investigation next month but my head is so totally melted with babies and pregnancy and I cant feel at ease. I have recently been put on antidepressants and I need some information or support of some kind to help me through this very hard, confusing and lonely time.

I work with children and chose to when I was still a teen so I could be around children knowing that I shouldn't have children of my own young.

Young women shouldn't be encouraged to wait to have children because I waited to be a mother as long as I can remember and I didn't for what??? Just to be confronted with disappointment month after moth with negative pregnancy tests. :( Life is unfair and this obsession is destroying every day for me.

Hi there. There was nothing wrong with waiting until now to start a family. I don't know how long you have been with your husband but surely it was best to bring a baby into the world in a stable relationship. 26 is not old, compared to me you're still very much young!

I know the disappointment of not being pregnant each month as we are rapidly approaching the 2 year mark. We have been having fertility tests since February this year with the GP and finally got referred for fertility treatment in September.

I know ttc can take over your life and I'm obsessed myself! But you've got to also live your life. I've had to work hard at trying to change my mindset to enjoy what we do have in the meantime. Not meaning to come over all hippy, but I've been trying alternative therapies like mindfulness and CBT, reflexology, yoga and meditation. You don't have to go the whole hog, and believe me I thought it was a load of old ..... before I gave things a try!

Hopfully you will feel better once tests start and you get some answers of why it isn't happening for you yet, and hopefully some solutions! Come and join our 10 months plus and staying positive thread. We've all had tests and can give you lots of info on what to expect or pm me if you like x Please don't let yourself get depressed x

Hi
Thanks for you reply im with my husband almost ten year now. I feel we should have started earlier but maybe if I was younger I might not have been able to cope with the disappointment each month. Not that im coping very well at the moment lol. x

Hi. I understand the frustration. I spent years trying out every type of contraception to get one that worked to make sure we didn't have children before we were ready just to be told at 28 that I have PCOS & will struggle to conceive. 16 months later we're on our way to getting a treatment plan.

I have to be honest, it's hard - people having babies around you and the constant baby related thoughts.

The best advice I can give you is

1. Be as healthy as you can (you & your DH)
2. Lean on your DH / friends if you can
3. Ask mumsnet your questions. I started a thread just to get my thoughts out and people were so knowledgable and kind it helped so much
4. Try and do things you enjoy - distract yourself. Your life cannot stop while you're waiting as it'll all feel worse. Get out, have fun.
5. Don't go to your appointments alone - I did this and got overwhelmed and missed info. Take someone who will ask questions and support you.

Good luck - and keep posting :)

Hi there Tutsy

I'm sorry to hear you've been having such a hard time - you're definitely not alone, and on these boards there are lots of women who have great advice to offer (including the advice already given in the posts above!).

I definitely agree with Victoria on the fact that you shouldn't beat yourself up about waiting. I had friends who had babies as teenagers and did fabulous jobs. But, as you said, dealing with difficulties around TTC is hard enough when you're older, more mature, and more stable in your relationship. I don't know how my marriage would have coped if we'd started before we were emotionally ready. And you're still so young! You've got time on your side and there's no reason to believe you won't get the beautiful family you've been waiting for.

I don't know your attitude to counselling, but I would strongly recommend you look into finding the psychological and emotional support you need. No doubt your husband and friends can help at times, but there's nothing wrong with reaching out further for a bit of anonymous/professional help when you're not feeling strong. It sounds like you've got so much to deal with at the moment, it's perfectly ok to ask for a helping hand.

Sending you positive vibes and a tasty slice of

Awk thank you girls I think I will look into talking to someone professionally about this because it is putting a strain on my life. Also I just throw my sister in-law a amazing baby shower if I don't say so myself. :) Now I'm planning a surprise 30th for my DH so hopefully that keeps me occupied for a while. Also the kids im working with at the minute are a bit of a handful so my minds occupied in work lol. Thanks again. Great cake Rumple ;)