Feeling shocked

[Wadsy]

I'm sorry for the download but I'm feeling like a rabbit in the headlights and really need to talk to someone. Sometimes it's easier to say how you really feel on the internet and a hell of a lot harder to say it to a loved one.

Quick history - We've been trying for DC2 for 7 months with an early miscarriage in that time. We conceived our DC1 after two years of trying with an ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage in that time. Neither of us have had any fertility problems diagnosed in the past but the assumption has always been there that it might be me with the problem, because I've had an ectopic and my tubes have not been looked at since. I have suspected they might be damaged or I might have undiagnosed endo.

We've started having fertility tests and already I've been told I didn't ovulate this month and my husband has been told his sperm count is low. I'm just so shocked as I've never assumed I might have a problem with ovulation and none of us have ever assumed he has a problem with his sperm as he's had tests done in the past and they've always come back fine. We're a bit older now, both in our mid/late 30s. Maybe our age has affected things. I just feel really shocked and scared. We've got a child and I know we couldn't get NHS IVF in our area because of that. (Which I agree with! I don't think it should be down to the state to help people have kids if they already have one!) But I know we couldn't afford IVF ourselves. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself but this is the first time I've actually considered the fact we might not be able to have a second child. I feel guilty as I know there are so many people who haven't got one and would kill to be in my position. But I still feel sad. And jealous of everyone who has never had to battle for children. Thanks for reading.

Holding your hand. We had a shock infertility diagnosis after trying for DC1 for 18m. My tests were fine but we were sooooo not expecting DH to have such poor results (low count, 0% motility). We were in our v early 30s at the time.

It really knocks you for six when it comes out of the blue like that. All the what-ifs and thoughts for a very different future take over every minute. Just because you already have a child doesn't make it any less painful that the dreams of having another may be in jeopardy.

However, try not to panic. IMO you're in the worst position right now - worse results than expected but you've probably not had the follow up meeting with a consultant where they explain what the next steps may be and what choices you have. Prepare yourself for that meeting by writing down every question that goes through your head over the next few days so you have the best chance of getting the answers you need.

And also, please make your sure DH is eating well, taking multi-vits etc. New sperm is made every 3 months so it is possible that your DH may get different results with a later test. I say this from the perspective of someone who's DH had consistently poor results. We had IVF (ICSI) for our first child after being told we'd NEVER conceive naturally. My second child was a naturally conceived surprise (a BIG surprise -v close age gap!). The docs put it down to possible anaemia in my DH at the time of our first treatment/tests...It may not be the answer for you but it's worth a shot.

Thank you thejoysofboys, your reply has really helped me. I'm so pleased you've managed to have children despite those devastating results. It must have knocked you for six at the time. My hubby told me he got 12 percent motility. Is that really bad? I hear it needs to be over 40 percent to be normal. Motility sounds more important than count from the consultation with Dr Google I just had! I'm going to the GP tomorrow to have some swabs done so I might try to find out a bit more about his results whilst I'm there......

Hello Wadsy. I feel your pain. I have been TTC no 2 for 3 long years. I have low AMH and husband has 100% abnormal sperm morphology. We have had 7 attempts at IVF and currently on 8th attempt! In that time we haven't got a hint of a BFP. While I can't imagine how awful it must be to have the joy of pregnancy taken from you 3 times, the fact that you have conceived 4 times in 2 years and 7 months proves that even though his count is low, it is definitely getting to the egg. If it is normal in the past, perhaps your husband has just been sick within the last three months or been in a sauna? I am certainly no expert on these matters, but from my research and our experience, of all the infertility diagnoses, count and motility are the easiest things to improve. For my husbands first SA, EVERYTHING was bad - low count, low motility, 100% abnormal morph. I gave him supplements for 3 months and his count and motility drastically improved and were in normal range. Just the morph didn't budge.

It sounds like you do ovulate regularly to be able to get pregnant (although I am sorry for the sad endings). Could it just be that you are very stressed right now as you go through tests? I normally have regular cycles but as soon as I got the sperm diagnosis, my cycles went haywire and I didn't ovulate for 3 months. I can only put it down to the stress of that diagnosis.

I certainly hope you are pregnant again soon to put an end to the pain as I know the anguish secondary infertility brings. Feel free to vent away and I am happy to chat. I know it feels good to get it off your chest. As you say, it is easier to type away here and say how you feel and I too find this a great place to vent.

Oh Shellster, you poor thing. I'm so sorry to hear all you've been through. Do you mind me asking if you conceived DC1 fairly easily? I think what I want to know is if sperm problems can develop over time even though sperm may have been ok in the past?

I've definitely felt stressed lately so maybe you are right and that's thrown my ovulation off.

You may not be able to say on here but I'm interested in the supplements your hubby has taken, could you pm me please?

Whereabouts are you on your 8th attempt at IVF? It must be an anxious time for you. I really hope it's 8th time lucky for you, you've been through quite enough.

No problem. I just PM'd you with answers to your questions.

I think we were told that around 30% motility is the lowest end of "normal", Wadsy. However, the consultant did tell us that even though our results were 0%, there would be at least a few sperm in every sample that would be doing what the were supposed to be but nowhere near enough for us to have a realistic chance of pregnancy.
DH had consistently poor SA results over abour a 6 month period which is why we had ICSI. However, I BF DC1 so had only had 2 periods after his birth when we concieved DC2 so either it was a HUGELY lucky fluke or his sperm results had improved considerably. As I say, the docs put it down to potential anaemia.
(DH did have fairly low count and poor morphology originally too).
I always thought those stories of natural conception after IVF were a load of bull but it does happen (although probably a v rare occurence. I'm glad every day that we were one of the lucky families with a BOGOF baby ).

Shellster - are you having regular IVF or ICSI? Going through 7 treatments must be soooo tough. I really admire your strength and determination. If it helps, I have a friend who got pg on her 8th IVF attempt - maybe it's a lucky number??? Wishing you all the best for your next cycle x

Thanks joys. Not sure I am that strong. I am just forced to soldier on. If I quit, I have no baby, and that torture seems worse than the torture of saving again and going through another IVF. So I have no choice.

That's an amazing story. I am surprised you had success with DC1 even with ICSI, let alone the sperm show 0% motility and you get pregnant again two periods after BFing.

Just wanted to add that I had been a 'set my watch' 26 day cycle person for as long as I could remember. My H had had cancer aged 23 and had been told it would probably make him sub fertile. So when his results came back OK and i was told i wasnt ovulating, it was a massive shock. Actually I was told that lots of women dont ovulate. We followed a programme called Natural Solutions to Infertility (wwritten by Marilyn Glenville) and about 8 months later I conceived non identical twins.

Good luck, I hope you get some answers and good news soon. X

Sorry should have said lots of women dont ovulate 12 months out of 12. The Day 21 test is just a snapshot and a bad result one month doesnt necessarily mean a bad result every month. I had 6 months of Day 21 tests and got quite different 'scores' each month.

Shellster - i know what you mean about the torture of "what if" (although it probably seems very condesending of me to say that given my lucky position now). I do remember the dark days of treatment and waiting very vivdly. Despite what you think about "needs must", you are amazingly strong. THroughout my treatment my mantra was "good things come to those who wait". I really hope your "good thing" arrives this time x

I can imagine that this feeling stays vividly in your mind joy. Even the fact that you still consider yourself lucky now shows that you still remember your journey well. I hope that mantra holds true... this is my 8th attempt at IVF so I've certainly waited. Thanks again. I don't know anyone in RL going through what I am who could remotely understand. The support on here means so much.

Today's scan showed 8 follicles with a potential egg and have just taken trigger tonight. The largest was 24 and the two smallest were 11 (which might be too small for mature egg?) and 5 in between. Now it's just the anxious waiting game and see what pans out.

Thejoysofboys, thanks for giving me more info about motility. I'm hoping hubby's second SA will come back a bit better. Your hubby's sperm must have massively improved in that time to conceive DC2 so quickly. Although maybe you were also super fertile from having DC1!

Mandy214, wow I can imagine you were very shocked with that result- probably the opposite to what you were expecting. I'll have to look up Marilyn Glenville! How old are your twins now? When I was struggling to conceive DC1 I was told I didn't ovulate the month I had the test. Now it's happened when I'm trying for DC2 as well, I wonder if it just a fluke or there is more to it. Maybe I ovulate some months but not others.

Shellster, hope you are doing ok? It must be an anxious time for you. It's hard when people in RL don't understand isn't it? Makes you feel so isolated doesn't it? I could have swung for someone that asked me if I was broody today. Only people who have never experienced fertility problems can be so insensitive. I see people looking at my tummy all the time now expecting something because my DC is 19 months. And more and more of my friends are pregnant with another. Sometimes I wish I could hide in my house all the time! x