Two years ago today... [Warning: pity party]

[HappyAmbler]

I don't know why I remember this, but it was the 6th of June 2012 that dh and I decided we were 'ready' to have a baby. I was 30, he was 29. We'd been together for 10 years, married for two. We both had good jobs, and were just about to move into our 'family' home.

I was so excited. I bought folic acid and a bbt thermometer. I met two of my close friends at the pub and happily told them we had decided to 'try'.

And here I am two years later with a helpful diagnosis of unexplained infertility. I've lost count of the number of blood tests, I've had undignified transvaginal ultrasound and HSG.

My two friends went on to ttc, and have both had their first baby. My CCG in their wisdom have decided to ignore the NICE guidelines, so I can't be referred for IVF on the NHS for another year.

When AF turned up on Wednesday, I lost it and cried at work. Not sure what I'm looking for by posting. I know we're all in different boats, and I know that two years may not seem that long to some. But I just wanted to get my frustration at the unfairness of it all out into the universe.

Hi,

You may also now want to speak to Infertility Network as they are a charity to support people who have fertility problems, their website is www.infertilitynetworkuk.com

Do you feel as a couple you have been adequately investigated to date, I see no mention of your DH being tested and your own tests is also limited in overall scope. "Unexplained infertility" is infact no diagnosis at all, it basically means they have failed to find out what is wrong and can be a "diagnosis" given to couples when they as a couple have not been thoroughly enough investigated. Any test result done over 6 months ago should now also be discounted, you both need up to date test results.

How was IVF mentioned, do they think that there are male factor issues?.

Have you also thought about getting a second opinion?.

The most common tests that tend to be omitted are:-

Adequate x-rays of the uterus which may show abnormalities not otherwise seen at laparoscopy.

Hysteroscopy - telescope inspection of the inside of the uterus which may occasionally show abnormalities not seen otherwise

Repeated sperm counts over several weeks and months to make sure there is no subtle abnormality

Testing the sperm in special media such as swim up testsvelocity testing. However, when they are done, they often uncover a hidden cause for the suppposed unexplained problem

Thorough hormone tests to detect abnormalities of male hormone or early falls in progesterone

Scanning of the ovaries to see if follicles really are developing and there are no sign of polycystic ovaries.

I would be asking this current unit you're at some difficult questions of them, btw how often are you seen?. I would also seek a second opinion if you have not already done this.

Aw hell its rubbish, I truly sympathise. FWIW I hear what Attila is saying, absolutely, there may be something that has been missed. However, if funded IVF may be a year a way and that is your best option it also may be worth stepping back and trying to enjoy a year of just the two of you and you never know. If I'm right you are now 32 which gives some wriggle room if they haven't found anything drastic as yet.

I found that the more I focussed and the periods around tests etc actually just increased the stress which could only be counter productive. In the end it was IVF that got us pregnant but not the same for everyone. I know someone who tried for over two years and got pregnant when she changed her diet and I think there was acupuncture involved as well. I also know someone who tried for three years long before IVF was common and thought that was it but now has four children the first of which was born in her 30s. Anyway, I have huge sympathy and you have yourself a pity party, anyone who has been there can only sympathise. It is so easy for people to say "just relax and it will happen".........possibly the single most irritating phrase to someone struggling to concieve. Good luck and do whatever it takes to keep yourself sane - in my case that was busy, busy, busy and no fertility websites or Dr Google, the second I succumbed to the lure of the last two it was DOOM in my head.... x

Hi and thanks for your replies

Attila - the above wasn't a full account of everything. My DH's SA was normal. IVF was mentioned purely because we haven't conceived naturally in two years.

Re those other tests - are they available on the NHS? I was under the impression that I've had all the tests they are prepared to offer.

I have my own ideas about what might be going on - my day 21 progesterone levels are 'borderline' - 29 & 31. My luteal phase is on the short side at 11 days, and I frequently have mid-cycle spotting. To me, this seems like something that might be preventing us from conceiving. But unfortunately, it's not on the NICE tick list so the clinic aren't interested

We've decided we can't wait another year, and have started to investigate private options. It's helpful to know about some of the other tests we might be able to try. The main thing I'm looking for in the first instance is for my concerns to be taken seriously - I may not have a medical degree, but I know my own body.

Hi

Your story is similar to ours, we started TTC 2 years 9 months ago when we were ready in our late twenties. Now we have a diagnosis of unexplained infertility and we are on the IVF waiting list which is a year in our location.

AF arrived this morning again. 33 cycles down and it's beginning to become unbearably hard now. Our lives are full of babies, family, friends, colleagues, just not ours.

Recently we asked for a re-referral to the nhs fertility clinic that we are on the IVF waiting list for. We want to go through whether there is any possible available test we haven't had. I think the only one I've not had is laparoscopy, which seems to be unusual these days. Have you had this?

Also, other therapies - a good vitamin regime has lengthened my luteal phase (I think, maybe a doctor would disagree!) and I have tried acupuncture too although personally did not enjoy it, many people do.

My heart goes out to you

I'm so sorry, that is hard.

During my infertility some people had 3 babies while we were waiting to conceive. It felt like agony.

There are lots of people in your position, seek those people out and try to avoid the 'prolific breeders' for now

About five years ago we did the same. Brought Pregnacare, told people we were thinking of starting a family. Then nothing happened.

Lots of time and tests later we still weren't sure what was happening and the wait for treatment seemed like an eternity while everyone we knew seemed to suddenly be pushing kids out left right and centre. Before we knew it people were onto their second pregnancies.

But now, five years later I have an amazing DD and I'm pregnant again (naturally, while waiting for an appointment with our fertility consultant).

I really feel for you, I remember the pain and frustration every time I heard somebody say they were pregnant, thinking that it would never be us. Don't give up hope though, it just takes some of us a lot longer to get our families than others.

Spotting between periods should always be checked out as there are a number of causes; two possible ones are low progesterone levels and cervical erosion. Both can be treated but the cause should always be determined.

Not all the tests I mentioned are done by the NHS (hysteroscopy is one that) but semen analysis should be done by them and importantly far more than once (but seems the NHS do not always do this in some areas). Any test result for either of you that is over 6 months old now should be discounted. If your day 21 levels are borderline did they check the ovaries to see if they are infact polycystic and are you ovulating regularly?. Also you should have had day 2 tests done as a matter of course.

If you do go private I would urge you to thoroughly do your researches beforehand before paying and visit say 3-4 clinics before deciding. This is because some private treatment is poor as well as expensive, private not does always = good quality of treatment. It is vital that wherever you go the three of you can work as a team.

It's shit, isn't it? 4 years ago this week we started ttc. In that time, friends who didn't even have a partner at the time have met someone, had their first and are now pregnant with their second.

Sorry to head you're feeling crap, I'm 7 years into ttc, every month feels a year long in ttc world, has your CCG confirmed you have to wait directly or your GP? I only ask as my GP told me wrong at first

I'm on my 3rd ivf now but I have loads of issues, there's a supplement that can help lengthen your luteal phase is it B12? I'm presuming you have googled it

No signs of endometriosis? Not trying to worry you just mid cycles spotting can be linked

We're at 20 months now. 2nd round of clomid and in the TWW. I've just had a friend tell me about 20 mins ago tell me they are pregnant. Now got to get through a day at work before I can go home and cry.

Friends of ours hadn't even met when we started TTC. They are now married, moved to the other side of the world with their baby... Difficult because they are very close to us.