DH doesn't want to have tests

[BertieBotts]

Or rather, he's happy to have tests but doesn't want to know the results :(

Basically, DH knows that he has fertility problems. He's always known ever since he was a teenager and it's always bothered him. He's always wanted kids.

The thing is, he's formulated an idea about what his problem is based on hearsay and guesswork from his family history. He didn't even know what it was called until MIL and FIL happened to mention it recently, as another member of the family has just been diagnosed with it too. He has a balanced translocation.

I've done some (okay, google) research about translocations and seem to have a basic idea about it. I then assumed that the next step when we decided to TTC would be to see a geneticist, find out what exactly the translocation is, see what the risks are, etc.

We've decided to TTC now and he talked about getting an appointment with somebody. I thought it was worded oddly, but it was only when I questioned it that he said he is happy to be tested, but doesn't want to know the results. He says it feels to him like choosing to find out if you're going to get cancer in the future.

I'm really upset. I don't know what to do. I want to get the test - for me when I encounter something scary or unknown I need to gather as much information about it as I can, it puts it in perspective, it helps me understand and deal with it. But I don't want to do it on my own, and in addition I don't want to be carrying a burden of something I know but he doesn't. (I don't know if I could keep it to myself) He was honest with me from the start about his fertility problems and my feeling was that I knew it would be hard, but I thought it would be us going through it together and that while that wouldn't make it okay, it would be easier. This has thrown me totally.

I don't want to sound harsh, but DH really needs to get his head out of the sand. Otherwise, this will put an enormous amount of pressure on your relationship. Explain to him that you entered into the relationship knowing there was a problem, but that your expectation was that you would face things together. I know this is so hard for you, but you need to know, sooner rather than later, if he is on the same page as you. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, hoping you post again, with more positive news. merlin

If he hasn't had the test - is he sure he has the balanced translocation - for years I got it into my head that I would have trouble because I got told this balanced translocation was genetic and in my family etc, we got a letter from a family member explaining it all and suggesting we get tested - my parents and grandparents refused so left it for each of us grandkids to get tested. I went for the genetic tests years ago and got told I didn't have it :) He may be worried about nothing and even if he does, surely best to have all info and make informed choices - my family member had it and has conceived naturally and has a lovely young son.

ps - Turns out years later I was right and I'm infertile, but totally different reasons - completely unrelated!!