Embarking on another IVF cycle to give ds a sibling. Anyone else??

[Ficidy]

We're going for our third IVF cycle this summer (our second one was successful and resulted in our beautiful baby boy), but I am extremely nervous about it. I'm worried about the money it's going to cost and also, I'm very worried that it won't work - I'll be 2 years older than I was when we had our successful cycle.

My dh feels we should be happy with what we have and leave things as they are. I can't do that. I really want to be pregnant again and I want to give my little boy a brother or sister.

Anyone else currently embarking on another round of IVF if you have children already?

I will be doing IUI for the second time round to give my DS a sibling. I start in the next few months.

• our first icsi worked, we have a 23m old.

We did icsi in jan , unsuccessful :( The consultant said it was 'chance' failure. So just luck. I was 32 with DD and am now nearly 35. We will have one more go in prob august. I found the failure more upsetting than i expected. I just wasnt expecting it. Its annoying as we never get frosties, not to mention the 4.5k cost But feel its now or never, before the chance of success gets even lower... I have pcos, thyroid issues and OH has low count. It wouldnt be so bad but if not successful there is about 0 chance for us natural due to our issues

Hi Ficidy

I have 2 DC already (8 & 5) but we have been ttc for nearly 4 years now. I've had a ton of laparoscopies and surgery for PCOS and endo so my tubes are pretty much non existent, hence doing IVF. Luckily our first round just went really well although we have to wait til July now for an FET as I ended up with OHSS. The hardest thing for me has been other people! Apparently infertility is only painful and sad if you have NO children, & I should be grateful for what I have already (of course I am but it's hardly the point).

How far into the process are you? xx

Hi girls,

it's so hard, isn't it?! Like you said, BrownysMrs, people don't understand why you'd keep going back for fertility treatment if you already have kids. Clearly, they are people who never struggled with infertility. It's heartbreaking and not something you can even begin to understand unless you been through it. I'm glad to hear your last cycle went well. Such a shame about the OHSS - it's so horrible.

naty, sorry to hear your last cycle was unsuccessful. It's devastating. So, you'll be going again in August. Same here. That's the plan anyway, if we can scrape the cash together.

sharond101, best of luck with the iui. I hope it is successful for you.

We are currently trying to work out costs and are looking to see where we can get the money from. We've already spent a fortune on fertility treatments (iui and 2 ivfs, plus all the investigative tests) and are broke, but this is more important and I'll find the money from somewhere! So, all going to plan, we'll go back to Prague for our treatment at the end of July/beginning of August. Now, we just need to decide whether or not to bring our ds with us. I'm not sure I can bear to leave him behind.

Hi there. We have a 6yo ds who was conceived naturally. We were just beginning to start fertility investigations when I conceived again, in 2011. Sadly that ended in mc at 10 weeks, but we then had a hard time getting anybody to take our fertility problems seriously, since we had managed to conceive naturally twice.

It turned out that I had adhesions from my c-section with ds and although I've now had surgery to fix that, by the time it was diagnosed, I was 41. We did our first cycle of IVF in March/April and I had a bfn last week. We were lucky enough to get a frosty, so we're trying again with a FET in July.

People really are rubbish at knowing what to say, aren't they? Actually, what not to say is probably more to the point! Other people get to choose the size of their families. Just because we have had a child before, why would it be more okay for us not to be able to do it again?

What made you choose Prague, Ficidy?

Oh no, purplemeggie, I'm sorry to read about your bfn. Hopefully your frostie will bring you good luck. At least it isn't that long to wait until July.

We chose Prague for a few reasons - a friend had been successful there. She conceived twins via icsi. Also it's a cost issue. It's so much cheaper there than it is here in Ireland. It's a shame it's so far away though. That's the only downside, esp now since we have our ds to consider.

How many embryos did you transfer this time? Are you looking forward to the FET in July? I hope the time flies by for you.

Share the sentiments that we are not supposed to care about our infertility if we have a child already. It's still painful. My son was staring through the fence a few days ago at two sister laughing and playing on the trampoline. My son was standing on our side of the fence - all alone. He has no one, and that's painful to watch.

I am about to undergo my 6th IVF. I want to do estrogen priming protocol where I take 4mg estrogen from day 20 of the cycle before IVF. The trouble is my body seems to not want to co-operate and suddenly is giving me short irregular cycles. So I am going to start as soon as my body returns to normal - if that ever happens before menopause kicks in!

Thanks Ficidy - we just had one embryo transferred - it was a really good quality blastocyst and our clinic is quite firm about only transferring one if you go beyond 3 days, because their success rate is quite good. We were just unlucky. Not sure about looking forward to FET...I'm feeling a bit confused about the process at the moment - need to have an appointment with the clinic and ask my huge list of questions before I can get comfortable with the idea. In the next life, I want to be one of those people that accepts what they're told!

Hope that Prague works out for you...I'll be watching with interest and wishing you all the luck in the world...we may consider going overseas in order to eke out another go.

Hello Shellster - and yes, completely relate to this. Quite a big part of my desire for another child is about providing a sibling. I'm one of 4 and we were really closeknit growing up.

But actually, one of the people who managed to be most crap recently in terms of saying the wrong thing, was my brother, who has 5 boys, over two marriages. His wife wants to have another (her third) in order to have a girl, and he was saying to me "I think children are a gift and you should be grateful for what you have..." - he was speaking of himself, but I could have decked him for not thinking! What I wouldn't give for one more, let alone four!

Its difficult having been on both 'sides' now.
No kids infertile and now trying for no 2.
For me no kids was much worse as i do think at least i have DD i am aware having done icsi for her that it is pure luck that i have her even.
But i also want her to have a sibling and its hard again seeing people with babies. Not getting to control such a fundamental thing like how many kids you have is deeply upsetting. (Also to then be worried if you have another it will be twins seems even more unfair)

Oh, shellster, that's so upsetting. I can only imagine how you were feeling, watching him playing on his own. For what it's worth, though, I teach teenagers, a few of whom are only children. We have spoken about this a few times and they have told me that being an only child doesn't bother them in the slightest. I think it probably bothers us, as parents, more.

purplemeggie, I hope the clinic answers all your questions and that your FET goes well. Please let us know what happens!

naty, it's tough. I agree on the twins thing too. Originally, we were expecting twins, but lost one at 9 weeks. I was devastated. Now, however, if we found out that our IVF was successful and we were expecting twins again, I'd seriously panic. Ironic really. Are you doing IVF too?

Will you do 2 embryos again? (Or blasts)
Hopefully we will cycle before august.
I feel very impatient.
purple it doesnt sound like your Brother has a good chance of having a girl.
It does sort of highlight that even with kids/lots of kids you can be dissatisfied.

Actually, I think that's exactly it, Naty. We all seem to start out with a picture in our heads of how our family will be and if it doesn't work out like that, it hurts.

I spent my twenties adamant that I wouldn't have children at all and then I met a man that I really wanted to have children with. In my head (and at that stage, at least) the decision to have children was exactly that - a decision to have child-ren - it never occurred to me that we would only have one.
Discussing it with him, recently (he was asking questions about DH and me, how we met, how my parents felt about us getting married, and I told him that it was a good thing I didn't think I wanted to have children until I met Daddy because I couldn't have made him with anybody else. He shrugged and said "well, you don't seem to be able to make me a sister, do you?"

I've come a long way....a year ago that would have reduced me to tears.

Oh purple, that's heartbreaking. My son is 3 so not quite at the age yet where he can ask those sorts of questions. I am thinking of you and just hoping so bad that his sister is a little frozen embryo in waiting.

When is your appointment? I will be very curious to hear what their answer is as to why they do all the drugs instead of a natural FET cycle. I am sure their is an answer-just have no idea what!

I have been quite depressed about my whacky cycles and not being able to do IVF. Eating bad and put on weight - now even more depressed. I am trying to find renewed motivation to eat healthy in prep for IVF when it FINALLY does happen.

Planned holiday for 8 weeks time. Just enough time for this dodgy cycle to end in 1 week, have a normal 4 week cycle, do stimms for 2 weeks and then a day 5 transfer before a holiday with my embryo inside me!

Thank you Shellster, here's hoping - for both of us - sounds like you've got some feel-good plans in place and that's really important.

I'm supposed to phone up on cd1 and book in for the implications appointment with a view to starting down-reg for the FET on cd21. I have too many questions in my head though and I feel that with our fresh cycle we didn't have the implications appointment until we were about to start the drugs and there wasn't time to include some of the steps that we would have liked. So I'm thinking about asking the clinic if we can have our implications appointment this cycle and then just pop back for the drugs prescription at the appropriate time.

Sounds like a good plan purple. Do whatever you need to do to put your mind at ease.

I am nervously awaiting an appointment this afternoon to get my progesterone result and see if I have ovulated. I really don't think I have as I had mid cycle menstrual cramps along with a few days of spotting-not normal. Even if my progesterone has risen, not sure I should rush into IVF next cycle as I know this cycle isn't normal and maybe my body isn't going to go through the normal process of preparing follicles for the next cycle to stimulate during IVF. Will await the results and take it from there.

Hi all. We're hoping to go for a FET next cycle all being well, so in a few weeks time probably. I have one DD (2.2) from our second ICSI cycle who is (obviously) amazing. We were really lucky to have three embryos left over to freeze so I am keeping my fingers crossed this next time will be easy and we'll get to avoid the full ICSI treatment.

But mentally I'm finding it hard. I so want it just to work, so we don't have to pick ourselves back up after a failure, but can't help thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Also if an FET doesn't work then we'd be looking at more ICSI and I'm now 38. Plus the cost... ugh.

Does anyone else feel a bit guilty about spending £££s on trying to have another child when they have one already and could be saving for their future? On bad days, I do. On good days, I'm aware that having a sibling might more than make up for it!

And as others have said, people don't really get how it's still hard second time round. All my antenatal group have either had their 2nd already or are pregnant. Every announcement was hard, knowing that it just wasn't going to happen for us without lots of effort. So glad to find this thread and others in the same boat. Wishing you all lots of luck.

Hi there, we have just started the process of trying for a sibling. Our first cycle of IVF was a huge success and I now have a 2 1/2 year old refusing to sleep as we speak! When he was 1 we tried again, with no success. We then decided not to keep spending money on IVF and to give our son a wonderful life, where I can work part time and spend lots of time with him.
Recently a new clinic has opened and I have decided we need to try again. DH has agreed and here we are, waiting on results of AMH and his SA to decide what happens next.

Hi! I'm slightly in a different situation but considering ivf again in the next 6 m or so if can't manage it without . I have 9 y DS conceived naturally then had 10 early miscarriages and then illness followed by deciding on gestational surrogacy so did ivf twice for that and as a result have 2 y dd. Really would love one more and have tried now again naturally for 6 cycles and had 2 chemicals . I'm now 38 and clearly much less fertile than when we were last trying years ago which worries me . We have no frosties . Used up both good embs both times so will have to start from scratch . Also never transferred into myself after the ten losses so this is a bit scary and already upsetting too since I'm convinced it'll just end on misery like before . We did international surrogacy and for various reasons can't do it again right now and my time is running out . Surrogacy in England has different problems so not a great choice either. Not ready to move on to ivf yet though so giving myself another 6 m I think ...

Oh girls, it's so tough, isn't it?!

Oh purplemeggie that's so sad about your little boy. I really hope that things work out for you. Did you decide if you're going to do the FET or just have the implications appointment for now?

Shellster, did you get your progesterone results?

halfaglass, yes, I feel guilty for spending our money on another cycle, particularly when we have no guarantee that it will work out. We have a savings account set up for our ds and really, all our money should be going in to that, but then I have to think of the future and how beneficial it will be for him to have a sibling, as opposed to being an only child.

Fallingasleep, when do you expect to get your results?

Nordicmom, wow, you've had a tough time. You're so brave to be putting yourself through it all again. You know, somebody once said to me that the people who have successful natural pregnancies are the ones who would have just fallen to pieces if they'd been dealt the infertility card. Maybe we are stronger people. I guess we do have to have a good amount of strength to keep putting ourselves through this torment. The surrogacy sounds tough. 6 months won't make a huge amount of difference in the big scheme of things though, so take that time if you feel you need it. No point going in to a surrogacy cycle feeling stressed out x

Ficidy, we have our next appointment on the 30th. Hoping our records have been sent over by then too. I hate waiting

What a rough road Nordicmom. In the three years I've been trying, I haven't had a hint of a BFP, so I can't relate to your 12 losses. You are clearly still fertile if you can get pregnant twice in the space of 6 months. Have you ever been given a diagnosis for why you continue to miscarry? Have your immunes testings come back normal? There must be a medical reason for what is going on?

Yes Ficidy, got my results. Day 18 blood test showed I hadn't ovulated - but it did show that my FSH and LH were surging - as though I was about to ovulate! I am supposed to start estrogen tablets the cycle prior to IVF from day 20 when the follies are starting to grow for the next cycle. So now if I ovulated day 19 instead of day 14, I am wondering about starting estrogen day 25 instead of day 20. I know it's best to just wait until a normal cycle if I want to give IVF the best chance as I can't be sure that the follicles will be starting to grow day 25 since the whole cycle is whacky, but I will be on holidays in July and if I don't start this cycle, I have to wait until I get back! So long away :(

Have you been given a diagnosis as to why it isn't happening naturally Ficidy? Do you have an appointment set up or are you waiting to save enough funds first?

Shellster , the two possible chemicals recently were very early losses . I used to years ago literally conceive every time but haven't been able to keep a preg since DS 9 y . Have had every test under the sun and seen a Harley street expert ( hence the steroids ) . Reason never found and not diagnosed with immune issues ( natural killer cell levels normal ) but it was a possibility anyway since nothing else wrong . Steroids distroyed my Addrenal glands and I ended up with a lifelong chronic illness .that's when we moved on to gestational surrogacy and on the second ivf go some one else was able to carry our baby no problem which is curious and makes me doubt that I ever will with my track record . I do want to do this one step at a time though . The surrogacy really isn't my first choice so will try a bit longer naturally first and then try the ivf on myself . Last cycle was about 3 y ago though and my egg count and hormone levels were low for my age suddenly ( a few years earlier they were normal ) already then and we only produced a few good embryos so am fearful of a completely failed cycle now ...

Fallingasleep - best of luck for the 30th! I hope it's good news.

Shellster, wow, that's confusing about the ovulating and meds. I wouldn't have a clue. It's such a minefield, isn't it?!

Yeah, it won't work for us naturally because I have low amh and we have mfi too :-(

Can totally understand you wanting to try IVF on yourself first before surrogacy Nordicom. Must be so frustrating to not have a medical diagnosis as to why your body can't keep a preg. It was such a relief in a way to get our 100% abnormal sperm diagnosis. At least I know the issue so I know ICSI can overcome it. Also I no longer get my hopes up every month and then come crashing down.

If it's any consolation, my FSH was 2.5 in April 2012. I got it tested mid last year and it was 3.9. I then took Aspirin as my ovaries are normal size for my age despite low follicle count so I thought the problem might be blood supply to ovaries since I have always had light periods. Got AMH tested in Sep 2013 after three months on Aspirin and it was 6.7!
I've also read lots about supplements for poor responders and am taking them, so maybe that has helped too.

So you're in the same boat Ficidy with low AMH and MFI - double whammy. Nice to meet someone in similar circumstances. Sometimes it's disheartening watching others get 10 eggs while I got 1, then 4 then 3 mature eggs. Do you have any appointments scheduled to get the ball rolling for your next IVF?

You poor thing, Nordicmom - it's heart-breaking to lose a pregnancy. A friend of mine said to me years ago - and before I had lost any of my own - "pregnancy is never so innocent and optimistic again" and she's right. When we had our ds, we told our families as soon as we got the bfp, we never for one moment considered the fact that a bfp did not necessarily equal a little wriggly bundle 8 months later. Having miscarried and had several suspected chemical pregnancies since, we wouldn't dare whisper a word to anybody now in case we jinxed things.