Help total melt down!!

[Lynn5]

Ttc 3 years pcos on month 5 of clomid it's worked every month but no bfp.

Anyway point is...how can you keep it together month after month?
When is time to admit defeat?

I feel as though first half of month I'm taking my clomid, trying to suss out if I'm ovulating, dtd every other day (gave tried a few months every day but too stressful) get 21 day bloods done, get results and find out I've ovulated. Try and remain so up beat and positive during my 2 ww also do as much to take my mind of it. Try not to symptom spot, but still do. Try and ignore signs AF is on her way (even though I know deep down she is) get to day 30 light spotting try and remain positive, maybe late implantation bleed! Day 31 full blown period.

2/3 days of AF feel as though I could kill someone, feel utterly betrayed by my body. Feel so alone. I feel as though I have a day or 2 to grieve for the baby who wasn't conceived before I need to get the positive head again to start my clomid and the whole cycle over again!

Due to start iui in a few months 3 cycles then ivf if that fails. Although I'm not holding out much hope for iui. I wish I could just be told nope your never going to concieve. Or hang on in there it's going to happen. I just can face another 2/3 years of this month to month!! Feel a though my life is broken into this first and last 2 weeks of the month. My life feels totally on hold for this yet it's the thing I want the most.

I know people are worse off than me, I know I should be grateful for what I have, I know I should remain positive abmnd relax but this feeling is horrendous. I can actually feel the physical pain of sadness.

Sorry for the pity party I'm sure I will read this in a few days and feel better but just had to have a moan.

Lynn5

Who prescribed the clomid initially, you should be monitored regularly whilst on it. After 6 months other treatments should be tried, clomid should only be used for a max time of six months anyway.

I would actually start asking them nowabout the possibility of you using injectable drugs or even ovarian diathermy surgery (this is a procedure whereby the surgeon punctures the cystic follicles on the ovaries with an electrical laser or needle. This can kickstart ovulation for some PCOSers). This may be preferable now to both IUI and IVF.

Are there male factor issues, if not why have they suggested IUI?.

IUI is not going to address the ongoing problem of the cystic follicles (and it is more invasive than some are prepared to admit) and IVF should not be tried unless all other treatment avenues have been exhausted. It can cause ovarian hyperstimulation among PCOS patients so you would need to be carefully monitored throughout.

You may also find talking to Infertility Network also helpful, details of their website are below:-

www.infertilitynetworkuk.com

I presume you are under the care of a subfertility unit at a NHS hospital?. How often are you actually seen by them?.

Hi thanks for your reply's. I have my next app at hosp for starting iui in 2 weeks time. I will be taking my last month of clomid this month. I've asked my gp, consultant at nhs and consultant at a private clinic about being monitored on clomid it seems diff areas have diff protocol. I've been told by all no monitoring is necessary, only my 21 day bloods. I disagree with this as I have pcos.

No male factor issues, reason for iui is that it's the next step before ivf I guess, I've been under the care if nhs infertility for 2 years almost, had every test going, everything seems normal except the pcos, basically was told I was still ovulating some months but given clomid anyway.

I totally agree with you about the Ovarian hyper stimulation and psoc, but been told these are the options by nhs and private clinic.

I would try and seek a second opinion at another NHS unit as their protocol may well be different to the current one. I think tbh you've been given the right old runaround.

You are right to disagree as to the monitoring; if there is no monitoring you have no idea whether clomid is supposed to be doing its job or not. Its main job anyway is to make the ovaries work harder.

As I suspected there is really no good reason for trying IUI: I do not think they really know what to do with you so are just clutching at straws (hence they also saying IUI or IVF). Neither are ideal really when PCOS is the only issue, where is the actual evidence from them to show you that this will at all benefit?.

I would also suspect that you have not had every test done either as a couple; some tests can and do get missed off. I presume too they have not mentioned injectibles or ovarian diathermy due to it either not being available or just as likely cost.

Yip totally agree with everything you say, when I do ask any questions or challenge their answers I'm met with a blank look. Consultant at the private clinic says other tests can be done but the outcome of results usually end up with ivf being needed so best thing is to go straight to it. Thanks for your reply makes me feel a bit better knowing it's not just me. The thing I can't get my head around is why don't they even attempt to treat the pco in some way, I've lost weight changed my life style and an getting accupuncure. The nhs didn't really seem interested in any of that at all. Infact at my last app I was just given another 3 months if clomid and not even asked how I felt on the previous 3 months. Makes me mad.

Just want to say I totally sympathise with your frustration OP

I have been ttc more than 2.5 years and after a promising start with a BFP on 3rd cycle, it ended in miscarriage at 8 wks. No luck since which is about 27 soul destroying cycles. Went through all the basic tests (nothing wrong with either of us except my amh was a bit on low side) then scans, hsg and finally had a laparoscopy in January. They found mild endometriosis, which came as a bit of a surprise as I didn't have symptoms really. Now they tell me I'm no longer 'unexplained' and that the mild endo is the reason for the infertility! I feel a bit fobbed off with that but not sure what other tests I could have now. Next step is likely to be iui in the summer.

I'm heading towards my 5th cycle of clomid but I don't get monitored at all- not even day 21 bloods. I think it's pointless as doesn't seem to be helping at all...although how would I know when I don't even get monitored!

Sharing your frustration.

Fankle - I think being prescribed Clomid with no monitoring is so wrong. I think it's against NICE guidelines too. Blood tests should be a minimum! I'd demand them?

Yes, Hoping, I think I'll mention it tomorrow at my appointment - first appointment at assisted conception unit to discuss iui plans. No more clomid for me ...unless of course I have to do one more cycle before iui, in which case I shall be more demanding about being monitored.

The worrying thing is I think it's quite common to get a clomid prescription but no monitoring- my FC said there was no funding to monitor but surely a day21 blood test would be manageable!

It's best not thinking about how procedure differs from one place to another.