SA next week - can someone hold my hand please?

[CosyTeaBags]

My DP is going for his SA next week, 10 months after a Vasectomy Reversal. We will finally find out whether the VR worked.

It has been a long, difficult road to get to this point. DP originally refused to get a VR, insisted he didn't want kids (he doesn't have any previous DCs). I had to decide whether to stick with him and potentially resent him for the rest of our lives, or take my chances and leave in the hope of finding someone else. I left him because of this, almost exactly a year ago, even though he's the love of my life. However, he realized the error of his ways very quickly, and we agreed to try for a VR.

The operation was performed in March, and we were eligible for SA 3 months after that. However, DP has had his head in the sand, and so have I, I suppose, because we didn't bite the bullet and book the test until a few weeks ago.

We have been TTC since then, but not a hint of a BFP I'm afraid.

I'm just scared to find out the stark facts. The surgeon who performed the VR will analyse the results and explain them to us, but I may be back here for some help with interpreting it all.

Has anyone been through anything similar...? Can anyone hold my hand throughout next week? I feel a meltdown coming on...

Here here naty1. Perhaps the reason RubySlippers isn't going and saying 'what will be, will be' (grr) is because he knows his sperm was poor some years ago, is seeing that he isn't getting his wife pregnant now and doesn't want to be de-masculated by finding out what he already knows.

LOL - thank you ladies

Yes, if my OH knew the 'fault' lay with him then I think he would be upset, annoyed etc... Me, I'd just rather know. Don't think there's much chance of a BFP this month as I'd rather have a Lemsip than DTD at the moment, but maybe next month we'll have the SA talk again.

Just scuttled out of the office to avoid someone bringing their new baby in, didn't think I could cope - it doesn't help that I wasn't a massive fan of this lady in the first place! So am off to get some more flu tablets, oh the glamour...

Glad you managed to avoid that situation Ruby. I had to go to a family gathering last weekend and it was horrible

• DH's brother got a 14 year old girl pregnant, then met a woman and got married and had a child with her, then had an affair and left his wife for the mistress, then got caught cheating on the mistress, but she stuck around anyway - and now she is pregnant! So I hated having to face them and pretend nice.
• DH's other brother doesn't work and lives off tax payer money so their baby irritates me because there is no way they would work to pay for IVF but because they were able to conceive it for free, I have to work and give away $$ in tax to fund for them to raise their baby instead of me being able to save for IVF for my own.

Sorry a little rant there! Hope you're feeling better. I DTD with hubby last night but I wonder how much I am destroying any chance of naturaly conception because I don't have all the right 'love hormones' flowing when all I am doing is having sex for the sake of getting some sperm up there (which is dud anyway!)

Ruby, I really hope you can chat with your hubby and get him to do an SA. At least you could get the ball rolling and feel hopeful as you take steps towards getting help to get pregnant.

I was thinking about this yesterday all the time spent trying not to get pregnant. But then some people here (uk) disagree with ivf on the nhs. Infertility is the result of all the contraception. Us trying to be responsible
I agree ruby hopefully he can get a test done. It may be not different or could be better but say icsi needs only a few.
I agree with posts on other pages just because people have unexplained doesn't mean they have nothing wrong or visa versa they can't test for everything.
But I think it's better to carry on to treatment as you can keep on trying naturally too
I see low count as a medical condition like anything else
There may be even more of it around in the future as the take up of mmr is low and these boys may get mumps as adults

Blimey Shellster, that was a very restrained rant! I would be gritting my teeth the whole time I was there if I were you. My OH's younger brother has a 6 year old son and a massive coke habit - no idea how he even managed to have a son TBH, he's been an addict for 20 years and his girlfriend has left him isnce - she gave him the choice between the coke and her, guess what he chose?!

I also hate that OH's mum & dad, whilst lovely people in other ways, treat him as second rate because he hasn't given them any grandchildren - his older sister has two grown up kids. He is a much nicer and more hard working person than either of his siblings, but they are forever dropping hints about more grandchildren, despite knowing that he would love kids and only didn't have them with his last girlfriend because she lied to him about being on the pill. It really annoys me that he's seen as less of a worthwhile person/ son simply for not producing kids, like he's doing it just to spite them or something.

Families eh?! And yes naty, I wish he would have the test so I knew if he had any little swimmers left at all - more nagging constructive discussion needed, I think!

You read all these studies that show how what you eat affects your odds of getting pregnant. Drinking alcohol around ovulation reduces your chances by 50%, etc etc. Then you hear of people like your OH's brother who can swallow gallons of coke with the chemicals it contains and conceive no problem. Meanwhile here I am eating fish and rabbit food and not a BFP in sight.

I can't imagine how frustrating it must be hearing comments like that from your in laws. I don't really say too much to mine. They know we are struggling but I don't tell them details of when we are doing an IVF cycle. I don't need the pressure of having to report back, and I just know that those who have not been through it don't understand.

So have you had any more discussions with OH about what is needed to progress forward with medical help? Not meaning to put pressure on you. Just curious how you are coping with it all.

Having a sad and wobbly Monday morning although work is mercifully quiet. I'm feeling a bit better now and not coughing quite so much but CD
16 and still low on my CBFM?! Just worried that I don't/ won't OV and will never be a mummy. Wahhhhh :(

Shellster, sending you more wine to go with the rabbit food - I was doing dry January, but cracked at the weekend! No more conversations with my OH yet but didn't really think it was worth it until I was feeling more normal. After all there'll definitely be no BFP for me this month unless I find the energy to DTD...

Also OH had a big argument with his mum about said useless brother - he's a real drain on the family business but her excuse for not letting him go solo is that his son would suffer. He wouldn't, but I hate the way she justifies making my OH deal with the crap that his brother causes simply because he doesn't have kids!

Yes Ruby, it is true that what she is saying is a blow at your inability to have children thus far! Not that she is intending that at all and I am sure we are infertile neurotic women are a tad over sensitive, because I have to tell myself not to get annoyed by other peoples insensitive comments that mean no harm.

Not sure what the CBFM stands for... 'something something fertile mucus' I assume. I unfortunately never seem to produce this which I think is another sign along with my low AMH and super light periods that my fertility is very low. Please let my next IVF work before my ovaries go into retirement! Is it normal for you to have no sign of ovulation at CD 16 or are your cycles usually irregular and making you concerned about it being another reason for your lack of BFP.

So you're still not any closer to getting any medical assistance then. As long as you are feeling okay about waiting

Hey Shellster

The CBFM is the Clearblue Fertility Monitor - not cheap (although I got mine for about £30 on ebay) and you do have to keep buying the test sticks, but I find it useful as the OPKs never work for me:

www.boots.com/en/Clearblue-Fertility-Monitor_23625/

The monitor went from low to Peak fertility yesterday, usually it goes via High but they do explain that it's not infallible. I'm not surprised as it's only in the last couple of days that I've started to feel vaguely well again!

I haven't talked to the OH about any more tests yet as I've just been feeling far too rubbish! Thought I couldn't badger the poor chap when I have no energy for even getting up in the mornings. Next month, however.....