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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

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Original poster

Really traumatic embryo transfer, please help me deal with it

18 replies

KatyS36 · 11/12/2013 19:16

Ladies, it was so horrible today, please help me deal with it. It was our second and probably last round of ivf and we were surprised and delighted to get an embryo for transfer.

The clinic has a lot going for it - convenient, very slickly run, nurses are lovely, high success rates, several of the doctors are lovely. But the main Dr, whilst a leading expert, has absolutely no bedside manor. I knew this to an extent, but not just how bad it was, and today has left me so upset.

He didn't bother to say hello before thy the procedure, and didn't talk at all during it. But worse was how he kept on grabbing at the scanner the nurse was using on my tummy. It felt like quite a violent procedure as his wrist/arm kept hitting me in the pubic area and I couldn't stop shaking and crying.

The worst thing is i'm really upset about it and I'm worried it will affect our chances of success.

It isn't the first time he has upset me. The nurses are lovely, and just say that is how he is, that he scans women all the time and just forgets you might feel vulnerable with your legs in stirrups, but he's a leading specialist ffs and his lack of basic manors has now really got to me and today was so horrible.

Katy

OP posts:

CorkyPurbright · 11/12/2013 20:41

So sorry you had a bad experience. But please don't worry yourself. Try to remember that you are accessing his expertise which will hopefully deliver a beautiful baby. Probably the reason he is such an expert is his extreme focus on the work, but sadly, not on his patient in this case.
Don't think about his awkward manners. Just think about the wonderful future the procedure may bring. Best of luck.

ilikecooking · 11/12/2013 20:42

At my transfers I've been able to look at the screen so we could see the transfer take place.....were you given this option?

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. This is such an emotional time on its own without taking into account any unexpected extras.

If the nurses are saying that's how he is and you trust them implicitly, I would hold onto that thought. If they're anything like my nurses, they had my mental, emotional and physical welfare at the centre of their attention.

I wish you every success with a very quick 2ww that doesn't drag.
X

Original poster

KatyS36 · 11/12/2013 20:55

Thanks for your replies. I just feel that I wanted to give it my best shot, and I'm worried this will have affected the outcome.

I do trust the nurses, but I struggle with their explanation thy that it is because he is so clever. I work at a senior level in science, and deal professionally with people of that 'cleverness' and they all have basis mannors.

Sorry, feeling tired and it all seems too much.

OP posts:

ilikecooking · 11/12/2013 21:03

Try listening to the Zita West post transfer download
X

lozster · 12/12/2013 07:31

I would write a note of what happened, put it in an envelope and revisit it after the 2ww. I say this as i think you have grounds for complaint but now may not be the best time for you to pursue it. To put it mildly that man needs some feedback.

For what it's worth my transfers have all been horrid. I have, apparently, a kink in my cervix so they used a different catheter and it always hurt me so I had to think brave thoughts. My final successful transfer was a comedy. My clinic did not routinely scan during transfer (which always worried me) and a nurse would do the transfer not a dr. On my final round the nurse couldn't get it in so rang for a dr who arrived (said hello and was lovely) whipped off my modesty sheet to put the ultra sound on it, then realised the computer attached wasn't on so had to spark that up which went through a slow start up. All this time I am on an elevated examination bed with partner, two embryologists, a trainee, an auxiliary nurse, the nursing sister, my partner and the dr all having a good old chat around me! I had tears rolling down my face as I was so stressed and uncomfortable. Everyone else in the room was too busy gossiping to notice though which I was grateful for as I just wanted the whole damn thing to be over.

I think the majority find the transfer a breeze. I recognise what you say though as mine were not smooth there was a lot of pushing and tugging that I would describe as rough whoever did it - and I had four different people. I hope you get a good outcome x

lozster · 12/12/2013 07:40

Should also have said that my very lovely dr also grabbed the scanner too. I think they flail about a bit as they are trying to coordinate moving the catheter with looking at the screen so it's best if they do it themselves but you really need another pair of arms. So the nurse tries to help but the dr then grabs the scanner to angle it and and grabs blindly as he's looking at the screen and manipulating the catheter. Although its not a nice process I think your dr needs to change - basic respect is not optional.

Original poster

KatyS36 · 12/12/2013 15:10

Thank you lozster, that is so helpful. Everyone at the clinic had said it was just like a smear - that was why it threw me so much. I had a catheter test at the start which was smooth so I hadn't been expecting the roughness to it and all the grabbing.

Reassuring to hear you had a successful result after a stressful transfer, although obviously I wouldn't wish the stress on anyone.

I've complained about him before informally, when after a routine scan had finished rather than let me sit up he just left the probe in, and then asked if there were any questions. I said no, as I wanted it to be over, and that was my only chance.

It seems that if you are a leading consultant basic respect is optional.

Thank you again for being so lovely. Katy

OP posts:

tombakerscarf · 13/12/2013 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

KatyS36 · 13/12/2013 20:28

Thank you, you ladies are lovely. When I was very upset after being expected to ask question with the probe still in place, the nurses, whilst lovely were just 'he does this so often, he just forgets' and 'some women don't mind', its left me feeling pathetic that I can't cope'. Its such a relief to hear other ladies say try this doesn't seem like best practice.

Thank you again

Katy

OP posts:

SWELL · 19/12/2013 12:22

Hi KatyS36, I am sorry to hear that. I know how stressful that is and how much you try not to stress and get your whole mind and body in the right place for the baby to implant. Our embryologist was fabulous (and our Dr's all have a lot to learn about bedside manner). We were in a terrible state last time - stressed out of our minds/ in tears every appointment after taking out a loan for transfer number 7 and SO DESPERATE for it to work. He said that if stress contributed as much to implantation as everyone makes out then most people wouldn't fall pregnant anywhere around the world. He was referring particularly to his work in war zones and refugee camps where you can't really be in a more stressful environment and that the rate of pregnancy is pretty much the same as anywhere else. So don't worry that this horrible experience has ruined your chances, I do like the idea of writing it down and dealing with it after the 2WW. Makes sense to me!

Original poster

KatyS36 · 19/12/2013 15:40

Swell.

Thank you for taking the time to post that.

This is the most fabulous way to view this, thank you so much.

Sorry to hear you had such a tough time too. I genuinely believed bad bedside manners would be stamped out in private ivf (not that they are ok anywhere). It's made it all feel so much more personal as it's felt like it must be my fault.

Thank you again. I find out the result tomorrow and your post will really help me stop blaming myself if it doesn't work.

Katy

OP posts:

Ilikecooking · 21/12/2013 15:23

Hi Katy,

I know you were due to test yesterday.....I hope you are ok.
X

Original poster

KatyS36 · 21/12/2013 22:18

Thank you. Sadly it's a bfn.

Trying to be philosophical, but also blaming myself, wondering what might have been. They were good quality embryos.

Realising just how much I want another baby...

Thank you for your kind words

Katy

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lozster · 21/12/2013 22:56

Really sorry to hear your news. DO NOT blame yourself. Luck and chance are key. If will power was enough no one would ever need a second visit. You be kind to yourself and your partner. If you want to 'feedback' to the hospital no need to be kind there!

SWELL · 22/12/2013 19:08

Oh Katy, I am so sorry for you! I know how frustrating it is to be told that you have good quality embryos and how much you get your hopes up on that! I know what you mean about how much it makes you realise that you wanted it SO much! Thinking of you!

Ilikecooking · 22/12/2013 20:56

Oh sweetheart Sending you a big hug.
Xx

Original poster

KatyS36 · 22/12/2013 22:19

Thank you.

That's a very very valid point about if willpower was enough...

And having had good embryos makes it so much worse than our last round when we didn't get any.

Just spent the evening cuddling a georgeous 12 month old in the company of a very sympathetic friend. Whilst it brought home how much i want another, it was also really comforting. Got me out of the ivf bubble in a good way and relieved so far I can still enjoy others little ones.

Thinking of you all too

Katy

OP posts:

Original poster

KatyS36 · 23/12/2013 09:59

Thank you.

That's a very very valid point about if willpower was enough...

And having had good embryos makes it so much worse than our last round when we didn't get any.

Thinking of you all too

Katy

OP posts:

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