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Original poster

Want it so much!

10 replies

ilovemydoggy · 07/12/2013 23:06

I want a baby so much but it's never going to happen. Sad everytime 1 of my friends become pregnant or has a baby I just feel so upset and jealous. I even look at some people and think why them? I'm better then them even though I'm clearly not. How to get over this urge to want a baby so much,

OP posts:
lucsnowe · 07/12/2013 23:14

I really understand that feeling, just so well. i thought I was infertile too. What makes you so sure it will never happen? Have you been on treatment? Let us know a bit more about you and we can support you better.

Original poster
ilovemydoggy · 08/12/2013 11:12

I know it is never going to happen as i had hysterectomy for cancer back in 2009. At first it didn't seem to bother me much and i was happy with my sisters children but as time goes on i want it more and more. It feels like that's the last thing missing from my family. I don't know if the doctors can arrange counselling for this kind of thing as i feel like i shouldn't have done it and had a baby first then a hysterectomy. I feel as if i am being punished for doing things the right way. Getting a good job, married and a house then waiting to have a baby. Where 90% of my friends fell pregnant between 16-20, didn't work wasn't with the dad and have 2/3 children. I know they done nothing wrong and that's what they chose to do but i could have easy done that but didn't want to.

OP posts:
Lottystar · 08/12/2013 20:56

I'm so sorry for your pain, wanting a baby and not being able to is heart wrenchingly hard. It seems terribly unfair but it sounds like the hysterectomy saved your life. Did you have any eggs frozen? Could you use a surrogate if so? If not an egg donor and surrogate? What options do you have open to you now? As difficult as it is, that's what I'd try and focus on. Of course you could give the gift of love and a home to an unwanted child, sadly too many of them are left in the care system. I'm not sure how you feel about any of that but perhaps researching your options and their possibilities might make you focus on a future and bring some positivity into this sadness.

lucsnowe · 08/12/2013 22:50

I totally understand how you feel punished for doing the right thing. And you are entitled to feel angry about that. But as Lottystar points out, the hysterectomy has saved your life. I am sure you could have counselling to explore all of your very natural and understandable feelings. Can you approach your GP? I also wonder if you have considered adoption or fostering, in the first instance? I know several people who have chosen that route and bonded with their children, just as if they were blood related. The need for children, that you express, sounds so very strong I think you should consider that option.

Original poster
ilovemydoggy · 08/12/2013 23:09

No I didn't have any eggs frozen as they only planned to take my womb but when they operated they found it had spread to the ovaries and took them out. Sad We have thought about adoption but I still find it hard as it is very unlikely it would be a baby. I just ache when I see people putting their scan pictures up on Facebook or once the baby is born all the congratulations, choosing names. I want the sleepless nights and the first smiles, steps and words. Never thought I would feel like this. Just don't know how to getting rid of these feelings.

OP posts:
WifeofGru · 09/12/2013 01:40

Don't know if this will help but friends of ours adopted a baby girl a couple of years ago, and they had her from birth. Whilst this is less common nowadays it's perhaps worth considering. You sound like you would make a wonderful mum.

Lottystar · 09/12/2013 10:58

Sending you a big hug. I know that is considered fluffy on MN but sod it. Sounds like you need one. I would consider egg donation and a surrogate if you're desperate to have a baby from birth, it is rare with adoption but still not impossible. There are so many unwanted children though, in sibling groups too. They could complete your family and for all the missed opportunities of scan pics etc you would have other as equally precious moments and memories to share. I know it may not feel the same now but you'll make a great Mum with all that love to give x

Original poster
ilovemydoggy · 09/12/2013 12:39

Thank you everyone for your replies I have take the first step and booked a doctors appointment for the 18th. Am looking in to adoption as well but so many questions to ask so will pop over to adoption wall. Discussing with husband last night and have decided to not get me hopes up too much about age of child. We spoke about anything up to a 3 year old. Ideally the younger the better but not end of world if child is 2. Will start looking in to adoption in the new year.

OP posts:
WifeofGru · 09/12/2013 13:36

Good luck OP. I hope everything eventually works out for you and you have your much longed-for little one.

Lottystar · 09/12/2013 15:09

All the best OP, well done you for trying to move ahead. I'm sure it will still be tough but it sounds like you have the right attitude. Let us know how you get along xx

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