How do you cope?

[j200]

Hi everyone, am after some coping strategies as I am driving myself insane! I am super stressed out by this TTC business and potentially depressed as I feel like bursting into tears all the time when I think that I may not be able to have children. I am not ovulating at all due to low oestrogen and my NHS assisted conception appt is not until end Dec now and the waiting is not helping! I feel like I just won't be happy unless I can get pregnant, I feel such a failure and blame myself as I could have caused the low oestrogen by not eating enough when I was in my late teens. I don't have any libido and my confidence is plummeting. Any coping strategies that have helped? I know I am driving my OH insane too by always googling and being on here too- I just can't get babies (or lack of them) off my brain!! x

Hi

I don't really know is the answer, some days better than others.

I try and tell myself (generally in life anyway), all things happen for a reason, so try and remind myself this, even when its shit and I don't know the reason...

Rubbish answer- sorry.

Take care!

j200, it's rubbish isn't it? I have coped fairly well up until recently but the last couple of cycles have been hard, especially this last weekend. I don't have any great advice, just be kind to yourself and talk to your dh. I try not to think too far into the future and take it one day at a time. I'm sure the internet doesn't help, I have read far too many scary stories, but at the end of the day none of us know what will happen. I have been indulging myself all weekend with laying on the sofa, eating chocolate and reading, which has made me feel a bit better! xxx

Hey there,

I took four years to have my first (at 36 following loads of IVF). It was a rough time with far to many ups and downs to mention here.

I coped by focusing on the next goal, next appointment, next stage if treatment etc. I broke it down into small goals. I made a plan.... So if this dosnt work we will do X.

Stay hopeful, there is lots they can do for your particular issue.

Btw, I'm up breastfeeding my second.

There are positive stories out there :)

Have something to look forward to every week, even a small thing like lunch with a friend or family member or going to pictures with OH. Getting a massage or a manicure. Going to a yoga class or a musical. Plan a weekend away or do something random like a hot air balloon flight. Take up a new hobby and meet new people, a knitting group or book club. Most importantly never give up hope. There is always hope, just don't let it take over your existence. Make use of your child free time now whilst you have it doing things you won't get the chance to do when they arrive.

Op - it is difficult to cope with TTC and I often have periods myself where I google and look on mn for answers. Like you I have had many occasions where I have cried about the possibility of never holding my own baby.
The best things I have done to help me cope is focus on other areas of my life e.g. start new venture for work, enrolled in further education. For me these are successes in my life. It's not a baby but I am glad to say that in the 4 years I have tried to make a baby and have nothing to show for it, I have managed to achieve other things.
J200 - hope you manage to distract yourself with other things.

Thanks ladies, so lovely to have the support here. I went to see an osteopath today who told me "some people aren't meant to have children and to pray" which didn't particularly help, but I am going to take up some new hobbies and do some volunteering. xx

J200 i'm not sure if my story will even help you at all really and trust me very rarely do i talk about it so here goes i'm 40yrs old next yr and had to give up trying to have children after a very messy. very traumatic and very life threatening ectopic (but that's another story we'll save that for another time ok) however the point i have here or really badly trying to make is i was always told that i was totally infertile from the age of 18yrs old (i was even bluntly reminded of that by a dr 2 days before my ep rupture when i was telling him there was something badly wrong with me yeah jeez i was pregnant grrrr) so my point is its pretty much of a shock being treated for an ectopic pregnancy after you've always been told that your infertile right??? you know what though at the time i got pregnant i was 26yrs old i wasn't thinking.wanting or expecting it because by that time i had accepted my infertility. and ok it wasn't a healthy pregnancy and it went wrong for me & was devastating for me but that was just pure bad luck. my point is you never know what's around the corner please dont dwell on ttc etc do other things and take your mind away because you never know. things usually happen in life when you least expect them to. so perhaps what i'm trying to say is relax don't beat yourself up about things that basically right now may be out of your control and take everyday as it comes. life tends to throw in magical lil surprises when your not trying i've known people to have given up trying and wham bingo its then happened, ok in reality it may not happen but again do NOT beat yourself up trust me at one point i couldn't even think of anything else but babies for some its natural & hormones etc but now it doesn't really faze me either way i keep myself busy & i dont begrudge others who have children hahaha esp when a see a temper tantrum in a supermarket i just gotta sympathize with the parent then haha

Hi J200,

that is exactly what my blog is all about, how to cope. Take a look and know how you're feeling is perfectly normal.

mindfulmumatobe.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/ill-be-happy-when-im-pregnant-vs-what.html

PS tell your osteopath where to stick it!

I don't believe that "some people are not meant to have children" I believe that some people will choose not to have/continue with IUI/IVF/Doner eggs/fostering/adoption for very good reasons that make sense to them but if someone aches to be a parent they will find a way.

PS a good comeback if you're feeling really pissed off especially is somebody is against IVF is to ask if they believe that some people are not meant to live if they have a heart attack. If you don't believe in medical intervention for conception, then it goes hand-in-hand with not believing in resuscitating those at deaths door!

I agree with mindfulmum your osteopath is out of order!
Yes some people can't have children but who decides who is meant to? What about all the people who neglect their children or let them starve to death? Were they meant to have kids? As for praying, I haven't heard that to be too effectively. I guess I should comment on that as I'm a committed atheist!

Just to say that I hope today is a better day for you