how to tell my friend....

[ladylashes]

Hi there

Firstly, please accept my apologies for such a long post!

I'm having a real dilemma with this and I would really love some advice as I'm going around in circles!

I have a really good friend who I believe is unable to conceive. She has PCOS and I know her and her husband haven't been using contraception for several years. I don't think they're actively trying (he works away a lot) but they would dearly love children.

I haven't seen her for a couple of months but she has invited my partner and I for dinner next Saturday. She doesn't know that I'm pregnant as the last time I saw her was before I found out. Dinners at hers are typically boozy affairs and she has already sent me an email about having a nice glass (or two!) of wine. I had hinted in the past that my partner and I were ttc, so if I refuse a drink (most unlike me usually!) she will immediately know why. The last thing I want to do is make her upset or feel like she has to put a front on in front of our partners. She's a very bubbly, positive character and I think that even if she was sad she wouldn't show it - I hate the thought of that!

I was trying to arrange to meet her before the dinner so I could have a quick word in advance, just the two of us, but she is always extremely busy (in work, but also in the evenings) and we will have no chance to meet.

Any advice would be dearly appreciated. Thank you xxx

[anon2013]

I'd call her and tell her before to be honest. You'd like to think she'll be delighted for you and yes she may be a little sad or a little jealous but that is natural.

[FetchezLaVache]

I'd tell her- shame you can't do it face to face, but that can't be helped.

I was in this situation, so I can empathise.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

[ladylashes]

Thank you! It's a shame I have to do it by phone, I agree.

Now I need to start thinking about how that call is going to go!!

[luckbealady]

This happened to me recently; my best friend called me ahead of a get-together to let me know she was duffed (we can't).I was delighted for her, but it hit me a day or so later, and I was glad of a couple of days to get my head sorted before I saw her.

[DontCallMeDaughter]

I'd prefer to know in advance... I had lunch with a friend today, was really looking forward to a good catch up. As I sat down she told me she was pregnant. We've been trying for a year now, which she knows, hers is a "happy accident"... And she said she wanted to tell me face to face.. But I felt like I'd been punched and basically spent all of lunch time trying not to cry. I'm happy for her, genuinely, but I'm also incredibly sad for me.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, it's lovely that you are thinking of your friend. I hope it works out ok with her.

[RaspberrySnowCone]

As others have said, give her a call. I find over the phone easier as although I am always happy for friends on their pregnancy it just stings quite a bit initiall and I prefer to have a bit I time to get my head cleared before seeing them. That way I don't spend our next encounter trying to hold back tears all the time.

Congratulations on your pregnancy though!