mc followed by ectopic needed lap which showed clubbed tube

[kittykat01]

I feel beyond lost. We were ttc since jan and had an early mc in may. Bfp on 6th aug and started with back pain/spotting 2 weeks later. When i was 8weeks on monday they found an ectopic at an early scan. I had surgery the next morning. After surgery we were told that my other tube was clubbed and my only hope will be ivf. I feel so responsible because a likely cause was an untreated STI many moons ago. I feel like im letting my poor husband down so badly. I cant breathe with the pain of what i have caused

What devastating news.
Please don't blame your past - you never know what resulted in a clubbed tube.
If you choose to go down the IVF route, you and DH have proven that twice you have made an embryo. That is more than many IVF couples have managed, so you would, imo, have a higher chance of success in any one cycle than many IVF couples.

Have you found the ept message boards

No i havent whats ept?

I don't have personal experience of this but I have a close friend who had several mc's, then an ectopic, had to have a tube removed, and the next time she got pg after that she has had a beautiful, healthy baby and an easy pregnancy.

Please don't blame yourself for your past. You haven't let your husband down x

Unfortunately it wont be able possible to conceive without ivf because the other tube cant catch the egg because its so badly damaged. In fact its so damaged they cant even reconstruct it.

click on the link - the ectopic pregnancy trust has several chat boards, some for ladies recovering from an ectopic pregnancy, and other boards for those who have complete infertility due to ectopics, and exploring other ways to expand their family.
I found it really supportive and helpful following on from my ectopic. It was good for me to find I was (sadly) far from alone. Great as MN is, there are cases where you need more who understand around you.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through but please don't blame yourself it's hard enough already. I've had 2 ectopics and I'm now going through ivf. I too have one tube left that is mangled. In my case they now think the likely cause was endometriosis but for a while - when they didn't know they said the most likely cause was an infection.

A few things that may help- lots of people have infections and don't have ectopics. My mum for one.

It also takes two to spread an infection so why not blame whoever gave it to you. And finally I don't know about you but the reason I was less than well behaved when it came to boys in my youth was a complex and messed up childhood. I used sex as a way to get attention that I desperately craved because I had such a dysfunctional idea of love.

I think we should not be ashamed of who we are but try to do the best with what we've got.

I wish you all the best.

X

Thankyou so much for your kind words. im trying not to blame myself but its hard not too.

I too had a dysfunctional childhood that left me developing bulimia/anorexia/bipolar disorder. I had no idea how to have a healthy fulfilling relationship and so it lead me to have abusive relationships with men who treated me badly and I couldnt even see it.

I spent alot if my 20s sorting myself out and eventually went back to uni, got a career and when i felt good about myself i finally met a man who truly loved me. We got married and wanted a family but it hasnt gone to plan.

Its hard though when the actions of the past have such negative effects on your future. But i guess i must just move forward again...