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How can I support a friend having fertility treatment?

1 reply

loopennyloo · 19/08/2013 21:57

Hi, I hope people don't mind me posting on here but I would really appreciate some advice. A very good, very old friend of mine has been ttc since she got married 3 years ago, she has had iui which didn't work and her first round of ivf has recently failed. She is finding it all so painful. We dont live very close to each other so don't manage to see each other all that often but we talk about everything when we do see each other.

I wonder if anyone could tell me what sort of support they wanted when going through fertility treatment? I have 3 children and was very lucky in that they were all conceived very easily so I don't have personal experience. I know she is isolating herself from friends who have young babies or are pregnant/trying to get pregnant, but as mine are all older now she doesn't find it as hard being around me and chatting about the kids etc.

It's so hard seeing her in so much pain. We are getting together next week and I desperately want to give her the support she needs- I'm just not sure what that is!

What did you find helpful/unhelpful in terms of the way friends have/are supporting you...?

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Luckystarfour · 20/08/2013 21:13

Just let her lead things and don't be afraid to initiate and ask questions too. She will talk if she feels you will listen I'm sure.

I really wanted my close friends and immediate family to understand more about the process as I tended to talk in detail and it was easier when a few close friends really got it!

In essence you could never really understand afraid unless you've been through it so these sites are a god send. I've found it helpful to make closer friends few email contact with a couple of ladies on here who had similar stories. I've even met one as well and that has really helped.

You could try reading a book called the complete guide to IVF by Katie Brian this will help you understand the processes and some couples journeys.

Try not to compare her situation to other women's fears when pregnant it really cannot possibly be the same as couples going through IVF have all these worries even before the normal pregnancy concerns.

In simple terms just be there for her. You will see tears, strength and hopefully one day joy!

I even had my friend support me at one of my scans and sections of my treatment when my hubby couldn't make it (after 5 rounds of being super supportive at every session) my friend said even despite talking to me lots she couldn't have envisaged what i go through without actually seeing it for herself.

Hope this helps! :-)

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