stmalo - it feels bleak at the moment and you are dead right about 4 years being a long time, but routes to parenthood can be very different and not getting pregnant does not make you irrelevant or unnecessary.
So, a few points based on my experience. If clomid is the right medical intervention for you then 2 months is not long. However, when I was put on this treatment with undiagnosed infertility issues, some kind soul on here sent me a couple of papers indicating that clomid works no better than chance in patients who are undiagnosed. So, it could be worth you challenging on whether this is the right intervention for you.
Regarding IVF, there are many problems with this route (money, time, emotional toll) however, having done it four times, I can say that it is essentially a mechanical process that is not terrifying at all. Like many things in life it can seem overwhelming at first but when you are doing it step by step it is relatively straightforward. The injections, the scans, the medical part is easy peasy (honestly, many others will back me here). Controlling your emotions is harder particularly on round one. Although 2 months on clomid is not long, you might do well to move to IVF with your own eggs sooner rather than later. I'm not sure if you have had an AMH test done? This gives you an idea of ovarian reserve. Mine was terrible (score sub-fertile) but I still got pregnant at 40 via IVF. Honestly, I think luck has a lot to do with it though I did also take DHEA for about 6 months before my last successful cycle. I'm not sure if you have had an AMH test done? This gives you an idea of ovarian reserve. Mine was terrible (score sub-fertile) but I still got pregnant at 40 via IVF. Honestly, I think luck has a lot to do with it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. I can see why you are feeling low. They were fairly late too so I can imagine how devastated and cheated you felt. I am often (irrationally) angry at what some women and their partners go through to have a child. We all know life is not fair but it bloody well isn't. I think that as you get older, more of your eggs carry chromosomal abnormalities and that can be a reason for miscarriage - probably more likely this than being overweight I would have thought. I haven't been in your position but I heard on here that after 3 miscarriages you can be referred by the NHS for help.
I have a few tips for coping. Apologies to anyone who has read my posts before as I know I say this time and again. 1) always have an A plan that you are executing then a B plan of what will come next. This way I never felt that there was no hope for me. So A plan was try 3 rounds of IVF with B plan of go for donor treatment/follow up adoption routes 2) Take back some control in your life - you lost weight and that sounds like a fabulous achievement. Is there something else that you can do? Doesn;t have to be fertility related even - a friend has taken up horse riding lessons to give her a sense of achievement, progression and enjoyment 3) be open to all routes to parenthood or at least consider if they could work for you even if they are plan D, E and F 4) join the website fertility friends if you haven't already - you are more likely to find women who have had your exact experience than on here though I have always found this site.
You may find this book useful:
www.zitawest.com/buy/books/fertility-and-conception/zita-west-s-guide-to-fertility-and-assisted-conception.htm
Personally I find the woman and her fertility industry a bit annoying and exploitative but this text has a lot of relevant info in it amongst her dodgy science and money making woo. I ordered a copy from my library so I didn't line her pockets too much!
Apologies for the epic post - hope there's a morsel in there that is marginally helpful - Loz.