We went for our NHS booking appointment in October 2010 when I was 37 and due to very my poor ovarian reserve results, was put on the next available cycle instead of going on the waiting list, which at our hospital was 11 months long. We did the down reg phase in December which was very exciting because we certainly hadn't anticipated things moving so quickly and had already taken a month off work to backpack around Colombia. I had to learn pretty quickly how to explain my bag of syringes to airport officials in my broken holiday Spanish and was injecting myself in the most unlikely of places!
Phase 2 started early January and was supposed to take 12 days but I didn't respond to the drugs so stayed on for double that time. This phase was very stressful and physically painful. The threat of abandoning the cycle due to lack of viable follicles was constant. Every two days I went for a scan and our hopes would be dashed. I didn't realise before starting how the roller coaster would be daily and how emotionally exhausting that would be. The added pressure of limited free rounds was constantly on our minds. Egg retrieval was in February 2011, we got 10 in the end! 6 fertilised, 2 grew, and they are currently tangled up in bed next to me. Twin girls, born September 2011, nearly a a year after starting.
And I am also a case of be careful what you wish for, because after all those years of desperately trying and failing to get or stay pregnant, I am now 25 weeks pregnant with a little oopsy!
I managed the terror you are feeling by taking control of as many things as I could. A lot of it is out of your control. I balanced that with very controlled nutrition and a very strict eating plan from a nutritionist, who also prescribed a load of zeta west style supplements to balance my mood and deal with the stress. I also did acupuncture weekly and had sessions immediately before and after egg transfer. Also had meditation CDs for each stage of the process. I can't say that these things 100% made our first round successful, but they did give me a feeling of control, as if I was contributing rather than just relying on luck. It made sense to me that healthy body and healthy mind would give the process a better chance of working. I think it's a good idea to find something like this for yourself, so that you can focus on something other than the fear. I hope it goes well for you!