Am I crazy? Trying to get on with life.

[ThoughtfulOne]

I feel like I'm going crazy. I used to work for a city law firm - I moved to a much quieter job as I was beginning to think about having a family. 2 ectopics later I got really pissed off that I was going nowhere in my job or my plans to have a family so I have moved back to the city. Now I feel under so much pressure (90% of which I am sure is self inflicted although it is a stressful work environment) and I have no idea whether I have done the right thing. I still have one tube but it is not in great condition so fertility wise it is a bit of a wait and see game before the likely route of IVF. I thought going back I would feel proud and be 'getting on with my life' but I just feel stressed, sad and out of control.

I just don't know how to 'move on' from my fertility issues and get on with life.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Any thoughts? Xx

Hi Thoughtful,

Didn't want to read & run. I started the thread in this section titled "Run out of tears". I won't repeat what I've said there, but if it helps you, I shouldn't have left it so long because now the decision (in particular for me to use my own eggs) has been taken away from me.

You did feel strongly about having a child, that much from your post is clear, I get the feeling you don't necessarily want to accept 'moving on' is the right thing to do at the mo? I could be wrong, I could have written your words a few years ago, that's all.

Could you get in the system of IVF now? Sometimes these things take a while. That way you're in the position to proceed or call it quits.

Unfortunately being in this situation makes us question, re-question then question again just how much/little we want a little person, that's where we struggle & it's unfair.

Hi Thoughtful,

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way.

What is most important to you, honestly, right now? Your career or having a baby? Perhaps it is really the latter, and that's why you're not feeling as proud as you thought you would?

I don't think one really can move on from fertility issues until either you have a child (whether that be naturally, surrogate, adopted, whatever...) or you say, no, I really am okay with not having a child. Since you're open to IVF, you're definitely not in the latter camp...the pain that infertility causes runs very deep and I don't think you can just put it to one side.

If it's possible given your increased workload, I would second what ilovecooking said and get yourself into the IVF system. It can take a while, and you might actually feel more positive that you're doing something proactive about your fertility rather than just waiting and seeing.

Thank you so much both for your messages. I'd just about reached breaking point the other day which had never really happened before (despite a life of stress) so I was a bit shocked. Marzip I do really want a baby but I was just trying to handle to what if it never happens scenario (not very successfully!).

I am feeling better about things. I guess I just have to expect these ups and downs when sailing close to the stress threshold!

Xx