Feeling down

[cosmickitten]

First off this is rather self indulgent rant. Sorry, but I don't feel like I can offload on my poor hubby again and in RL there is no-one else to talk to. And I'm feeling really really down about things, I need to get these feeling out somewhere as they are starting to fester.

It may sound silly we have 'only' been trying for 15 months and we are due for go for our first fertility appointment next month. My head knows it's too soon to be feeling so woe is me, shame my heart isn't listening.

It's my birthday in 2 weeks, I will be 33. I never ever imagined I'd be that in my mid and not a mum. I thought that I'd be choose to have 2-3 kids, and now one seems impossible. I never thought it would take so long to find a decent partner, after it did I assumed the next bit would be easy. Until I got my period yesterday I don't think deep down I really believed that I would need to keep my fertility appointment.

I feel old, desperate and like time is running out. I feel like I've failed my husband, myself and denied our parents grandchildren. It hurts and I'm scared it'll never get better

Hey cosmic, I know how you feel. I'm 30 and at the end of next month will have been trying for 4 years. It sucks and it's hard, I can't really suggest anything positive. To be honest I generally live in a constant state of denial to once every couple of months having a huge melt down and then pulling myself together again. Hope your tests pick up something conclusive and fixable.

Cosmic I completely understand. I've just turned 34 and have been ttc since I was 32. I've been married for 2 years. I also feel like such a failure, I should be planning my second baby not still wondering if I'll have my first.

Try joining one of the threads on the Conception boards, al the women are lovely and supportive.

How did the appointment go?

It is not a self indulgent rant its entirely reasonable.

You are not old and time is not running out! I started fertility treatment age about31 , took 5 years and the doctor said to me, you will be having your first child when other people have their, second. He was right, I was 36 when I had my twins and most of my friends were on their second child.
Infertility is a long hard road but the rewards are worth the heart ache. You are not letting anyone down , you are not at fault here its bloody mother nature and her mystery ways. If you haven't had a diagnostis as to what the fertility issues are, be prepared it may be your dh where the issue lies and that too can be tough to deal with.

You will hear so many stories of people who stopped trying and then fell pg etc, they don't help! IfI it was as simple as a holiday wouldn't the nhs save a fortune by sending everyone to Spain for a week?!

Ihavefive friends when had children through fertility treatment, they all got there in the end. Not at the time when they ideally wanted to be having kids but nonetheless they all got there. There are many ways to become a mum. I suggest joining a forum on line at fertility friends or via the forum at your clinic, I found it such a help .good luck to you

Thx givemeaclue, those words helped me.

My message seems all scrambled with some else's!!! How weird have reported thank u again

Oh god I totally know what you mean , life on hold. Unfortunately I never found any solution to that

...butwhatw I would suggest is anything designed to make you relax just gives you more time to dwell , massage, beauty treatment, holiday etc don't help to switch off. Things where you have to really concentrate are better, skiing, rock climbing, ballroom dancing, learning tennis, whatever it may be. I also went through a phase of doing one thing each month that I had never done before and that was positive.

givemeaclue gave very good advice! I've thrown myself into exercise (not in an unhealthy way though!) and am kinda planning in my mind what I will do if the IVF doesn't work... it helps me to have something to plan towards if the worst happens.