Second mc from IVF - how do you cope?

[jumpingjackhash]

That's pretty much it. We've had 2 full rounds of ICSI now, with a FET in between. Each fresh round gave us a bfp. First time I mc'd at 5+3, this last time I made it as far as a scan at 7+5, when they told us there was no heartbeat.

I now have to wait for it to leave my body naturally (clinic's advice). So while DH and I have spent the last 2 days in a teary haze, I know it's all going to get worse when it leaves me at some point over the next couple of weeks (then it will seem very real).

The clinic offered counselling, but the first appointment available isn't for another month. That just seems so far away. RL friends and family who know try their best to help, but inevitably - and completely unintentionally - end up saying things that just sound so hollow ('you'll get there one day', 'keep trying the ivf') and really don't make a dent in how shitty and useless we're feeling.

How do you get through this? The whole infertility bollocks is enough shit to deal with, this just seems so unfair on top of all that.

Sorry, totally whiney post, just need to get it out.

You get through it as there is no other option. I've MC'd 3 times now, twice after ICSI and once after a miracle natural pregnancy. Still no children.

I'm currently undergoing treatment at ARGC in London, pricey but maybe worth investigating? They have a lot of luck with their ladies, and treat for immune issues which can cause early miscarriage.

I know how you feel and it sucks. It doesn't get better but it does get more distant - like any bereavement. You can cope xxx

I'm sorry, its crap.

I never got pregnant (DD is a surrogate baby) but my best friend just had 5th IVF, 1st successful attempt.
No heartbeat at 7 weeks

she can't go on, too old :(

There is nothing anyone can say to make it better, its just. Not. Fair.

Hi Jumping I recognise your name from another thread. I'm so sorry about your mc. It's just crap and unfair. I had a mc at 6 weeks in jan following donor ivf. It broke me. But I got through it and you will too. It just takes time and although that's no help now, you just have to know that you will be okay. big hug to you and DP.

So sorry. If there was any justice in the world all fertility bfp's would be plain sailing to compensate for all the crap you have already gone through. I've had 2 fresh and 1 frozen cycle. All bfn. The pain got less with each one. To have two bfp's and then miscarry though. Words fail. The stakes just get higher, the physical and emotional investment is more profound..... I feel your pain.

Thanks for your kind words all, tbh just posting on here helps. I'm feeling a little better mow but know I'll fall apart again when I start to bleed and actually 'lose' the embryo. At the moment it still doesn't quite feel real, a tiny part of me is ridiculously clinging to the hope the clinic was mistaken and I'll have one of those 'miracle babies' you read about. Foolish I know! Once I've bled I guess it will be easier to move on.

We have 2 frosties from our last round, so there's still hope there that we'll make it. It's just the whole not knowing why I've mc'd twice that's a worry (I don't like not knowing!). We're going to ask for some tests to check there's nothing to say I can't carry to term first though (I had a hysteroscopy in June which showed my womb was all good, so hoping there was just a problem with the embies/ it wasn't their time).

I can't imagine how shit you feel right now, but a baby will appear when you least expect it!

How are you feeling now?

Your counselling appt is not far away and hopefully that will help.

I'm not one of those who believe a baby will always turn up or you just need to relax.

Work with the counsellor and keep trying as long as you want to and don't factor anyone else into the equation other than you and your DP.