reversal of sterilisation or ivf??

[cantsleep]

I was sterilised in april when i had ds2 (cs 4th baby) after complications. At the time I was tired, hormonal ,scared and the doctors kept recommending it.

When ds was born he was poorly and in nicu for a week very unwell, I thought we might lose him and it made me realise what a huge mistake I had made being sterilised.Not that he could ever have been replaced but that I would never have another baby.luckily he got better.

Not a day has passed that I havnt cried and regretted being sterilised. I was not thinking clearly at the time and i feel devastated.I feel guilty for being this way when I have 4 lovely dcs but I cannot get over it and spent the last two days bursting into tears about it.

Iam now thinking about saving for a reversal or ivf so that in a couple of years maybe I can try again but with my history I dont know if a reversal would work?

I really dont know how I allowed myself to be rushed into such a huge decision and I feel stupid when I had always fallen pg easily that I have now done this to myself.

Iam so desperately unhappy.

what is it about a 5th child that you want so much? Why did the doctors recommend you be sterilised?

It was my fourth cs and I had placenta accreta (I also had accreta with my 2nd pg).The doctors were anticipating a huge bleed and kept me in for a week before the cs, they thought I may have to have a hysterectomy but were very keen for me to consent to sterilisation if I didnt have to have a hysterectomy.

I was tired and hormonal and I agreed.It was when I realised ds was very poorly that I broke down, sitting by his incubator praying we wouldnt lose him was awful, I couldnt even touch him as his breathing was so bad even touch stressed him and made it worse. I truly thought I would never hold a baby again I was traumatised and that feeling of panic has never left me.

Iam only 30 and now keep thinking that in 3 or 4 years time my scar will be so well healed that i could have managed another pg, dcs will be older so I could rest more if i wasnt 100%.I always wanted a big family but things went wrong so quickly in hosp last time that my decision was rushed and wrong.

Ok, you are not going to be deciding about another child for a bit. If it would help, put some money aside into savings each month but promise yourself you will think about what to do with that money this time next year and not until then.

You have been through a tough time with the birth, the NICU, the sterilisation etc and I think you need to consciously focus on the present for a while and see how you feel.

If this time next year you and DH actively want a fifth baby, you can investigate your options then. If by then you feel the health risks to you are still too great or that your family feels complete, you will have money saved up and can maybe have a holiday or something.

i think maybe some sort of therapy might be in order. Its putting a lot of faith in doctors ability to keep you and any future baby alive, whilst thinking their strongly worded advice was wrong. With two instances of placenta accretta, you are lucky to be here already and you have 4 healthy happy children and you are a good mother to them. Maybe its time to concentrate on the next stage of your life and let go.
Please x

I think I am finding it hard because the decision was so rushed and I was under so much pressure. During the pregnancy I never for a minute thought that ds would be my last baby.

I keep telling myself now that I could have managed just one more and feeling awful that I have taken that chance away from myself.DH keeps trying to tell me how terrified he was I would not have made it and that I dont realise how serious things were. I just wish I had taken a moment to think clearly and gone for a coil instead or similar.

I wish I could stop crying about it.Sometimes I do wonder is the root of the problem the sterilisation or is it the traumatic pg/cs and nicu making me feel so miserable.