over 10 failed ivf cycles...what are the chances of success?
raininginlondon · 11/05/2012 17:49
Like I said in my subject really. My friend has had around 10 ivf attempts and has had no success. Well she's been pregnant a couple of times but has sadly miscarried. She's got issues with killer cells and I believe clotting. She's in her early 40's and has been trying for a number of years. Do any of you know of any success stories after so many tries? Also, I want to be supportive but even I'm losing hope :( How can I keep her spirits up and support her through such difficulties?
Any help/advice would be much appreciated.
EllieMcBellie · 14/05/2012 14:48
I got pregnant on my 7th full ICSI cycle which was my first cycle after finding out that I did in fact have clotting problems and high NK cells along with some other issues (initially had treatment because of male factor infertility and was told by my first clinic that I had no problems!)
It's hard to say what would be helpful to your friend but I know that for me a friend who I could talk to who was happy to just listen and let me vent would have been a huge help
cookiemonster100 · 14/05/2012 18:58
A lady at work is about to have her first baby...this was her 18th attempt at IVF and just about to turn 40. She also had miscarriges as well as eptoic pg. To be honest she has had a proper s*t time of it, so we are all really pleased for her.
I just wanted to tell you her story. The reason I know as we are currently going through the fertility struggle, (not yet moved onto IVF) and days when I feel down I think of her.
HTH , big hugs
raininginlondon · 14/05/2012 19:07
Thanks EllieMcBellie. It's so annoying because she's been diagnosed with these conditions and all of them are treatable. She's been to the top clinics in London and still nothing. She seems ready to move to plan B (donor egg I think) but her OH is very reluctant and as a result very unsupportive. She knows I'm there to listen whenever she wants to vent etc but somehow I still feel helpless. Does that make sense?
raininginlondon · 14/05/2012 19:13
Wow, 18 times!! That's an amazing story. I will definitely tell my friend that there is still hope. If you don't mind me asking, did your friend do anything differently the time she finally got pregnant? I mean did she go to a different
clinic, country or use dif set of meds? I suppose you may not know if she's not a very close friend but it would be interesting to know if it's just a matter of eventually one will stick or whether something different has to be implemented in order to be successful.
raininginlondon · 14/05/2012 19:15
Btw, good luck to you too Cookiemonster. Hope you are successful soon.
jammic · 14/05/2012 19:17
We had ivf three times, and in the end went for a donor egg on our last cycle as my eggs just didn't cut it. Our little boy is 7 months old now and it was the best decision we ever made. We had our last cycle in Spain - some of the clinics over there have better success rates and we'd had bad experiences in London.
My very best wishes to your friend. It's such a horrid thing to go through. Xxx
cookiemonster100 · 14/05/2012 19:49
raininglondon you are a good friend, I am sure your friend appreciates all the support you give!
I know she used a few different clinics, and I know she literally begged them to give her one more chance. They were all UK based. I am not sure on how come this one worked. I also know that she was expecting twins and lost one of them in the first 12 weeks. So this one is literally the miracle baby!!
raininginlondon · 15/05/2012 11:06
Thanks everyone for your views and personal accounts. Congratulations jammic. It's funny because I know a couple who had IVF in spain after many attempts over here and were successful there. I put that down to maybe them feeling more relaxed out there? I've mentioned to my friends why not try in another country and they (mostly her OH) think that since there going to the best doctors in London there's no way they could get any better somewhere else. I don't agree with this as my view is if something isn't working try something else. But hey-ho, I can't make them do anything they don't want to.
jammic · 15/05/2012 11:53
Ultimately, they've got to go where they're comfortable and it can be scary going somewhere new where you might be worried about language problems or whatever. We were lucky, coincidentally, we seemed to know quite a few couples who had used this clinic and it gave us the confidence to ditch our one in London. Who knows maybe if we'd had one more cycle there, it would have worked. But we had decided we were only having one more cycle and we needed to try something new. So egg donation in Spain it was : ) I guess all you can do is be there for them and be a listening and sympathetic ear. It's such a lonely and isolating time. You sound like a really good friend and I hope with all my heart that 11 is their lucky number.
Gooseysgirl · 19/05/2012 17:37
I have a friend in her 40s due in 10 weeks after years if IVF and 2 miscarriages... She split with her partner a couple of years ago and has conceived this time using donor sperm. I can't tell you how happy we all are for her, but I won't relax until the baby has arrived safe and well! She also had the killer cells problem and other issues but I think she feels this time round that medical staff are really on top of all the various potential problems so the baby has had the best possible chance
bluebutterfli · 23/05/2012 20:44
So sorry to hear of your friends struggles. Have you ever heard of couples who try for years and the moment they adopt they find out they're pregnant? There is a great book that I love called The Fertile Female by Julia Indichova that talks about this. Many women have worked with the tools discussed in the book such as imagery to uncover fears and conceive shortly after. Here is a great IVF video.
birdofthenorth · 23/05/2012 20:56
I guess you only give up hope when you're friend does and decides to move on -to plan b, c, d or (and I pray this won't be the case) to accepting the end of the ttc road. I suspect neither gloomy statistics or miracle stories will be what really motivates her next move -more likely a gut feeling, or a compromise with her partner.
She is very lucky to have a friend like you who is there to listen & support.
DancingwithDragons · 23/05/2012 21:02
One of the parents i work with tried to get pregnant for 15 years, i am not sure how many cycles they went through but i believe it was more than 10. In the end they decided to use donated eggs, she froze some and became pregnant with her now 7 year old son. A few years later she tried again with the frozen eggs but was not successful, they decided to give it one last go and used different donated eggs, and now have an almost 1 year old little girl.
MysteriousHamster · 27/05/2012 22:28
I can't stand the stories of 'they stopped and got pregnant' - what does that do for people trying? Say try until your heart can't take any more, but the minute you'll stop you'll get pregnant? How do you just 'stop'?
Anyway, all that aside, is that ten (or 18 from later!) fresh cycles? That sounds liek a lot, I'd guess that includes some cycles using frozen embryos? If so the fresh cycles have a much greater chance of success.
A friend of mine went through this (we had our own struggles too), and eventually gave up as she couldn't take the turmoil any more. She would've tried donor eggs but her husband didn't want to.
For someone in their 40s who has a number of tries under their belt, I would suggest donor eggs/donor eggs at a clinic abroad. They seem to offer good chances to people who have struggled with other treatments on the forums I've read.
raininginlondon · 29/05/2012 11:18
Thanks everyone for your encouraging stories. I don't know what will happen or if they will go down the route of donor eggs but I will continue to listen to her and support her in any way I can. Hopefully they will be successful soon. Good luck to all of you who are struggling btw.
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