I can completely sympathise, I have times when I completely lose control and cannot get anything level in my head. The smallest things become mountains that I can't get around, everything anyone says hurts my feelings and I just want to make people hurt like I'm hurting and sadly, as DH is the closest to me it's him that my frustration comes out on. I also spend money to alleviate my emptiness and, as I have done in the last few days, I 'control' anything I have control over because I can't seem to control my ability to have a baby. It can be small things like closing my FB account because everything everyone writes pisses me off, or causing an argument because it will give me the opportunity to shout. I'm not really angry with the person I argue with but if I'm angry and arguing with them, I'm not angry and frustrated with myself at that exact minute.
All that said, I am not too bad at the moment, DH and are I very happy, he is a wonderful man, we have lots to look forward to and we are making progress with our infertility journey so there is lots to be positive about.
February isn't too long ago, get on the shag wagon and hopefully soon the lap will work it's magic as I've heard it does for people ( I had one 4 weeks ago nearly, I had mild endo and my right ovary was stuck to something, my tubes were clear though).
Please never forget you are not alone, what you are feeling is understandable in such a horrible situation. Hopefully in a few days/week you will feel more positive again, that's usually how it happens with me, I have a down week then I pick up again for a few weeks. Best thing I ever read was someone saying that infertility is something you live with day in day out and it is as stressful as grieving for the loss of a loved one so you need to allow yourself some 'down' time. She coped with it by saying 'right, from 900 a.m. - 10.00 a.m. I am going to allow myself to cry like a baby, scream shout, be completely overwhelmed by it then as soon as 10 a.m. comes, thats the new day. I tried it for a week and it helped, I hit the one week mark and actually felt better for it, I had my time set aside in the evening when I'd allow myself to be sad and soon found that because I didn't have to fight myself to stop feeling sad, i felt a lot less pressure to be 'on form' the rest of the time. I don't know if that makes sense but it gave me a bit of control and it helped me. xx