Advice/sympathy please: horrible clinic appt today

[highlove]

hi, would appreciate hearing other people's experience or advice or just a bit of sympathy really! Sorry this is so long..

Quick bit of background: trying 18 months but knew before we started we might have a problem as had been diagnosed with blocked tubes. Turned out only one was so had the blockage -a cyst - removed so now have one perfect tube and one open but possibly slightly dodgy. Irregular cycles - 26-42 days - with apparently irregular ovulation and spotting for between 2 days and a week before period.

Am on fifth cycle of Clomid, third at 100mg and have had good progesterone results at 100mg - in the 60s - but no hint of a BFP. Had a follow up to see my lovely (NHS) consultant today but he had been held up so a colleague saw me. What a cow, basically. She was perfectly polite but basically dismissed my concerns about spotting and an inconsistent response to Clomid despite ovulating - sometimes as early as day 10, sometimes 18. I'd talked to my usual guy about injectibles and IUI last time I saw him but we agreed to try a few Clomid cycles at 100mg and review. So really my goal from today was to agree we'd do that for next three cycles and after that move to IVF. But she said I had to do six cycles of successful ovulation on Clomid before I could do anything else and just didn't listen to my reservations about just keeping doing the same thing if it's not giving the right outcome. She just made me feel like I have no right to an opinion over my treatment and that I was a nuisance for being there asking about other options.

My usual guy has always been very positive, he's really lovely and very sympathetic/understanding and just generally very 'human'. I find the clinic appts a bit stressful and usually end up having a few tears. Last time I saw him he was hugely positive and stressed he thought we had various options to try before IVF and "he was a long way from giving up on me". The witch today though dismissed me moving on to injectibles and implied there was no point since I'm Clomid is making me ovulate. And as DH has good SA IUI wouldn't be worthwhile. She them said 'has anyone talked to you about next steps' and when I asked what she meant she just said 'you know you're not entitled to free IVF' (DH has kids already.) I knew this but it just said to me she thought that after the remaining three Clomid cycles then it's only IVF left. Oh and then when I got a bit teary she was a bit arsey that I'd not been to see the clinic counsellor despite me explaining that taking a morning off work every week would add to the stress of this.

So, I left in tears and have been on and off all day. DH couldn't make it today - first time ever - and he's livid for me which is sweet but makes me feel weak for not standing up for myself. Am I being unreasonable? Are my expectations too high? I've got a follow up in mid-may and am booked to see my usual guy. But I'm just gutted tonight - the anticipation of appts is so huge and I always feel so positive after I've seen him. I just feel a bit hopeless now. Any thoughts? Am I being pathetic?

I've only just seen this.

I'm so sorry you had such a disappointing appointment. I know from experience how you hold on to these as being a step forward somehow and it's so upsetting when you feel you have been brushed off and metaphorically patted on the head.

I've been under my consultant for a year, and have seen him once and only then because I fought for an appt. He was very dismissive of some queries and worries I had. As far as I'm aware there is no counselling available in my dept, at least it's never been mentioned to me. I have no medical explanation, i've had to go and find stuff out for myself.

If i were you I would e-mail your nice consultant directly outlining the meeting and expressing how disappointed you were. I'd ask him to clarify if he agrees with his colleagues course of action.
But that's me. I've found that I have coped better with the frustration by making noise and being quite blunt that I will not just accept my cons word without explanation.

I was supposed to have surgery at the beginning of january for a blocked tube. An unexpected chemical pregnancy put paid to that, and my cons took me off the list for three months to see if i got pregnant again (this was the first time in two years, so not likely). I feel like he's wasted 3 months of my life. I now have a new date for surgery.

Like you I am not eligible for IVF (it is me that already has a child). My cons at the one and only appointment I had kept wittering on about how I could go private (he knows nothing about my finances, so it was a rude assumption to make) an yes he is the lead consultant at my local private fertility clinic.

I went off on one then but I do feel your frustration.

Hi rollo, thanks for this. I'm sorry to hear about the chemical pg, its doubly crap whdn you've waited so long. And sorry you've had a shitty time with your consultant - I think perhaps the experience I've had do far has been lucky or unusual maybe? But you are absolutely right about how much emotional investment you have in appts...you wait so long for them and in the weeks leading up to them I'm thinking about them every day. Think I was just pretty
crushed that for the first time I didn't come away feeling like the professionals were on my side.

I wish I could be a bit more vocal - I guess yesterday I should have just said no, I'm not happy. But it's the whole dr/patient thing I guess, and you're (or maybe just me!) so desperate for them to help that i worry too much about pissing them off. I'd not thought of an email though but it's a good idea - I can spend time over it and get it right. Will just have to see if I can get an address for him!

My clinic is gynae rather than dedicated fertility, though my cons is a fertility specialist. I just wonder if the cow who stood in for him generally just does standard gynae stuff...might be wrong but I just don't think she 'got it'. When I was asking initially about sporting she went off on some rant about how I shouldn't worry because it's not a long-term gynae health warning or anything and I had to spell out that I was only asking whether it could be stopping me getting pg (no lots of women spot all through pg you know...Grrrr bugger off cow) which is the only reason I was there in the first place. I'm really only focussed on that right now and it's enough!

Anyway...I'm going to try the email approach and if i cant get his address i will try and talk to a nurse at my next Clomid scam or blood test. And just be honest about what I want - which is not another three cycles of Clomid!

I hope your op goes well and it's the answer for you. I had tubal surgery - i didn't have much pain but I was bloated for a good while. Oh and I milked it a bit with OH...ow I'm sore please make me a cup of tea etc...I would recommend it!

I think you're probably right - someone experienced in the fertility field shouldn't have been surprised by any of the things you said, or had a rant about them. It's hard to stand your ground when you're relying on them to help you, but you deserve decent and helpful treatment. Good luck with everything!