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I Dont like how I feel or who it is making me

9 replies

BBisbackwithaBABY · 28/01/2012 20:24

I am not expecting to get much of a response but Im hoping that an offload will help me. That said i anyone has any wisdom for me I'd love to feel better.

This is a long one.
I feel hard done by. There i said it. I am a proud mum of a beautiful boy, I have a lovely DH, and we live in a relatively nice home. We have a car, ive recently been able to learn to drive, ive just gotten more freedom and things arent all that bad. I know that deep down. BU

We have some debt, we are not wealthy, we work hard altho im fortunate enough to be part time.. I feel like we dont get any breaks... When comparing ourselves to friends or frenimies i suppose! Anyway our lack of property ownership irks me but tht isnt whats hurting.

Im orphaned, im 25 and telling you that as although any age is a crappy age to of been orphaned, i feel i was so young. 10 when my mum died 17 when my dad died. I feel I missed out, and am still missing out. Thts also not what is really hurting.

I have trouble conceiving. Thats what stings. We tried for 14 months (i mean rigourous daily and by the end unenjoyable trying), we were rewarded. But we couldn't go through that level of focus again. It nearly broke us. We are now 16 months into ttc#2. Have PCOS and shit cycles. Told to be grateful for my son, and I am, truly. But is it so bad to want more? Arg i need a kick up the butt.

OP posts:
sasslejaney84 · 28/01/2012 21:12

I don't think you need a kick up the butt at all!!

Me and my ex tried for 3 years to concieve and I was told my DD should be enough!! For some reason that hurt! In the end trying so hard did split me and my ex up (I don't think either of us were in the right place to continue and it seemed almost easier to split than continue)

I think the worst thing was, neither of us had any issues really!

I can't say anything about you loosing your parents, I've only ever lost an aunt and grandparents all I can say is I'm so sorry and I'm sure your parents are very proud!

One thing to try (I don't know if it will help) but stop trying for a second baby! Remember what sex is about for sex's sake! Not just for producing a baby!

It worked for my best friend so good luck!

BBisBBack · 28/01/2012 21:18

Thank you, i was expecting a bit of a flaming! We are trying to be relaxed about it and genuinely do just huthem have it off when the mood takes us, but then I berate myself for lack of effort!

You are very right its the comments of being grateful etc are the ones that sting. Moreso im currently feeling like its making me a bitter hag haha. Honestly i have such venomous thoughts, its shameful Blush but i cant help myself! I reconcile myself by thinking ive not acted on it etc but i feel full up with resentment and i make myself Angry!

sasslejaney84 · 28/01/2012 21:32

Tbh, I felt the same!! It really does hit somewhere that hurts!!

I must admit, I'm not exactly one to just 'go' whenever I feel the need either!! I tend to, almost, plan sex, which isn't helpful!!

Just try and relax and if someone makes a comment like that again, just respond with something along the lines of "I am EXTREMLY grateful to have my DC, however, me and DH are wanting to extend our family!! I'm sure you understand what that means to us" it usually shuts em up!!!

X

BBisBBack · 28/01/2012 22:06

I may give that one a go! I find equally painful the people who say when are u having another or you should hurry up etc... They are well meaning but they dont realise for some its not so easy as to just decide they are ready Sad i find it quite hard when friends moan about their kids lives etc as altho rationally i know we all have areas o life we find troubling inwardly im shouting "you dont realise what you have!!" Blush

sasslejaney84 · 28/01/2012 22:24

Get it completely!!

In the logical part of our brain we know they are just well meaning but the illogical part of our brain has a mini meltdown!!

I used to feel the same when talking to my best friend and she was just having a good whinge! Inside I felt like I was dying as she was whining about her kids and how uncomfortable pregnancy was and I felt like screaming at her!!

Just try and chill out and take a deep breath and relax!! I know it sounds hard but if it is a close friend, maybe tell them how you are feeling, say you don't want her/him to feel like they can't come to you and have a good whinge sometimes but its at times like this where your issues get to you and have a good whinge at them!! It might help to get it out in the open!

BBisBBack · 28/01/2012 22:27

Thanks sometimes it just helps to be "heard" as it were x

sasslejaney84 · 28/01/2012 22:33

Any time hun!! I know full well its not a fun time!! Just hope I've helped x

BBisBBack · 28/01/2012 23:02

You have thanks x

Chiefwitchfromdownsouth · 30/01/2012 22:23

A flaming -No way, I too have all the trappings of middleclassdom (including the debt), but no biological child, failed IVF 6 years ago.

Sometimes it feels crap (am I allowed to say that?). And other times, its just what it is and life is great. Sex............. rather have a glass of pink fizz Wine

Talk to your close friends, they understand more than you probably think. Most of all take care of yourself

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