Secondary Infertility

[fairy26]

Hello everyone,

I'm feeling really down and wondered if there is anyone on here who feels a bit like me. Not sure this is the right board as I have one child but have been trying for over a year and find my feelings have much more in common on these threads than on the conception boards.

I know how lucky I am to have my DS but we have been trying for a second baby for over a year now and have not been successful. We had a very early miscarriage in February this year. It has been really compounded in the last 3 weeks as we have been lucky as my GP put us forward to a consultant to check everything out (I only have one Fallopian tube due to an ectopic about 6 years ago) as we have a reduced chance of conceiving.

So out first appointment was on the Wednesday. By complete coincidence 20 minutes before I left work to go to this appointment at the hospital one of our closest friends told me she was expecting and that she 'just came off the pill and hey presto!' Then 2 days later another of my close friends told me she was 20 weeks. I am so delighted and excited for both of them of course especially as one has had several miscarriages - last one at 16 weeks. However all of that in 3 days floored me totally and then we spent the week on holiday with the first friend I mentioned and that was the week I would have been due if I hadn't miscarried. That was incredibly hard with all the baby talk as we had not had a chance to tell them.

We also had been doing ovulation testing that week and I don't appear to have ovulated this month.

I am feeling so down and sound so whiney and I hate that. I am normally a very positive person, even all year as we have been unsuccessful and everyone around me who I knew through my DS is pregnant with their second and even third child. I have remained fairly optimistic. But suddenly I feel like it is all too much and I just don't know how to cope with my feelings anymore.

I don't like to moan as I know I am so very lucky to have my boy and so many other people do not even have that but I can't help how I feel and right now I am hurting so much I feel like my heart will break.

I hope my post hasn't upset anyone TTC for the first time and that maybe some of you are in the same situation as me and want to talk.

Hi fairy26.
I really do know how you feel and am in a similar situation to you. We have a nearly 4 year old DD (ivf) and are TTC again. A lot of my friends have recently had number 2 (or 3) and my sister will probably get pregnant again soon. She has a DD aged 1.
I too am normally very postive in my outlook and was feeling very down yesterday - I had a bubble earlier on in the day. Then had to go to a family party with a very pregnant relative there. Almost everyone it seems is pregnant in the mother and toddler group we still go to.
We had a failed ivf cycle last week and I just don't know if I am able to go through another cycle physically or emotionally.
I keep hoping it will happen naturally but I'm already 40.

Sometimes I think you need to allow yourself a bit or self pity/good cry and give yourself some slack - I certainly felt better for it yday. And from helpful mumsnetters.
It is heartbreaking, especially when you know how much love you have for your DS. Sounds like you need a good cry............It is hard not to make comparisons about other folks situations.........it is only natural..........and having to smile outwardly with friends or family.

Know how you feel

No words of wisdom but just to say you're not alone in your feelings and you aren't wrong to be feeling them and sharing your thoughts here.

Good to know someone feels the same. I feel quite lonely as it is hard to talk about it to those with 2 or more kids or those who are pregnant.
Two people who were in a similar situation to me (who I could talk to) are now both pregnant and so I just felt I needed to come on here to let it out.
I do try to talk to my friends but only do it infrequently as don't want to go on.
I can't imagine how hard it must be going through IVF. We are not there yet but my heart goes out to you raspberry as each month seems to get harder to me so I guess for you that is even more so now.
Thank you for being so understanding and making me remember I am human and normal!
X

Hello rue
I don't think there are words of wisdom for this situation are there?!
Still it is always good to know people understand.
Another day though tomorrow and I am going to be positive about things. I am exploring reflexology whilst I am waiting for my lap 'n' dye and enjoying the time I get with DS. Tomorrow we will bake some cookies and make a shield so he can be Mike the Knight! No gloomy thoughts will be allowed!
X

It must have been very difficult for you going on holiday that week, when you were thinking about what might have been. I'm so sorry you are having such a rubbish time and it must have been really devastating miscarrying earlier in the year.

It is definitely ok to be feeling how you are feeling and normal! On an optimistic note, my mum had my younger brother and sister in her mid to late 30s with one tube! so don't give up hope........

It was a very difficult week. The timings of everything were really crap but thats life sometimes isn't it? It never rains but it pours.
I had DS after my ectopic and never cease to be amazed by that as I thought that it would take much longer to conceive him if we were able to at all. I shall carry on hoping as that is much nicer than the alternative thinking! I like stories like your mum's :)

I had a difficult week too, felt bloated and hormonal and spotty after the treatment. Ate too many chocolate biscuits and lay on the sofa for a couple of days it seems like eve, while my very understanding DH helped out. Talk about self pity. LIke you I planned to have a good day with DD on Saturday - went to dancing class, fed ducks at the park, baked together - and for that I am very lucky. ....but not before I got the self pity and junk food bit over!