Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

News

Flip

Original poster

Should you be able to sue your (D)H's mistress?

22 replies

kittyonthebeam · 25/03/2010 17:07

women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article7074581.ece

I tend to agree with this sentence of the article: "What financial recompense is there for being left in the family home with the family that no longer feels like one... Where is the compensation for your children?s sadness? "

Bring back the scarlet letter

OP posts:

BrahmsThirdRacket · 26/03/2010 00:56

If a woman thinks that her husband's affection can be quantified in financial terms, perhaps that's one of the reasons he left her.

Tortington · 26/03/2010 01:47

i think its got shit all to do with the OW. if my dh stuck his penis in anyone else - thats his decision to fuck up what we have.

its him that i would screw over

scoutliam · 26/03/2010 02:00

Can we not have shaving their heads also?
Agree with Custardo it'd be dh that I'd be gunning for, not saying I'd have warm fuzzy feelings for a OW, but it's him I married.
Women who go for the OW can come across as mad as a bag of snakes.

thumbwitch · 26/03/2010 02:12

I think it is ridiculous that that court has agreed with this lawsuit and the amount is heinous!

In the end, it is always down to the man breaking his vows and breaching trust. Yes, he might not have done it if she were not there, but he could have chosen not to do it even with her being there, and he didn't.

I know there are women out there who set their sights on particuular men, regardless of marital status etc. and I don't ever agree with that - but STILL in the end it is down to the man doing the dirty.

Unless the mistress in qu has used rohypnol and kidnapped the bloke - it's his fault and he should be fully liable for it.

BrahmsThirdRacket · 26/03/2010 02:29

I think it's the lawyers who win on this one. Involving the OW will draw out the whole case, you have to prove adultery which is difficult and if you fail you just end up with huge legal costs. Lawyers win either way.

BariatricObama · 26/03/2010 06:50

that article is hideious, implying that an aging woman is somehow culpable for her marriage breakdown because she is no longer attractive enough for her husband.

jesus christ she is such a throwback

BelleDameSansMerci · 26/03/2010 07:19

Echoing other thoughts really but the OW owes the wronged wife nothing. It is the husband's responsibility 100% to stick to his vows and live up to his responsibilities. All this "she tempted me"; "she was determined to me" shite just makes me furious. If a man hasn't got the backbone and integrity to remain faithful then perhaps he's not worth having anyway? Either way, the responsibility lies with the man... IMnotveryHO.

Rant over...

SPBInDisguise · 26/03/2010 07:40

wonder what would happen if he started using a prostitute

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/03/2010 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

foxinsocks · 26/03/2010 07:47

'For the first time in decades I manage my own budget, see my own friends, have my own lover'

if she wasn't doing the first 2 in her marriage, then I'm not surprised she's more happy now

this whole women blame women thing is tired. Just gives more of a licence for men to not feel responsible for their actions. Gah.

mumblechum · 26/03/2010 08:27

Whether it's the husband or the wife going off and having affairs, I've said it before and I'll say it again - Happily married people don't go off and have affairs.

I find husbands are the most blinkered, tbh (speaking as a divorce lawyer). They often come to me wanting a divorce because the wife has gone off with someone else but it is bleeding obvious after talking to them for 10 mins that the wife had an affair because the husband was obsessed with his career/hobby/whatever and didn't prioritise the marriage above everything else.

BadgersPaws · 26/03/2010 10:17

So does a wife have an affair because the husband "was obsessed with his career/hobby/whatever and didn't prioritise the marriage above everything else" and a husband have one because they're a "feckless wanker"?

Unfortunately neither sex has the monopoly on w*nkers or poor prioritisation.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again - Happily married people don't go off and have affairs."

Actually I believe that some people just do, they're wired that way. They might be "happy" but they just can't be faithful.

However even in that case then that does mean that there's something "wrong" with the relationship, even if that's just the cheater hiding their true nature or the cheated wilfully ignoring who their other half is.

SolidGoldBrass · 26/03/2010 11:10

Bullshit, people are not property and everyone has the right to end a relationship.

ArcticFox · 26/03/2010 11:11

Well said Badgerpaws

Agree that some people do just seem to be wired that way (that's not to say that they cant stop doing it though- I'm not excusing the behaviour).

Most people I've met like that are either risk taking, high achieving, "want it all" types, or are quite insecure and looking for constant validation.........and then there's the ones who can resist everything except temptation.

ArcticFox · 26/03/2010 11:13

.........of course it doesn't exactly help that we're not genetically hard wired for monogamy.

mumblechum · 26/03/2010 11:46

Of course neither sex has the monopoly, often the reason cited by the husband is that the wife became obsessed with the children and he was sidelined.

Please don't shoot me, I'm just the messenger. I have done, over the last 20 odd years, about a thousand divorces if not more, and I'm just reporting a theme that I've observed.

The type who is "happily married" in their head but still goes off with other people is, ime, a rare bird.

ArcticFox · 26/03/2010 12:23

Mumblechum- I guess we're quite possibly talking about different subsets of the cheating population

You're seeing them when they're getting divorced so they've made the decision to leave/ been told to hit the road.

I'm mainly talking about people who, whilst they are happy with the status quo of their relationship/family, and are at least "content" , are not adverse to fishing around for some extras. These are both men and women btw.

Now probably quite a few of my subset become your subset, but not all I would imagine.

I'd actually be quite interested to know how many perpetual, "low level" cheaters there are.

TwoIfBySea · 27/03/2010 00:06

I can see that for some people it would be excellent revenge. And would certainly stop ex-dhs from skipping off and thinking he owes his children nothing. Maybe. There are always going to be women like that, who see husbands as fair game but surely the best revenge is that they end up with the losers and the wife is free!

Says me whose ex has been sponging off his bit on the side since walking out on us, she even bought him a BMW 4x4. Still I believe the best revenge is a life well led, otherwise you end up getting all twisted by the f*cked-upness of it all (it is a word if I say so.)

BrahmsThirdRacket · 27/03/2010 01:31

I think there are different kinds of love, and a man (or woman) can still love their spouse for the person they are/being a great mum or dad but there is something missing, and they try to fill that with an affair. I think you can love two people at the same time but in different ways.

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 27/03/2010 20:53

If your partner decides to betray you, then if anyone should pay for that, it's them.

However, it is some form of self protection to convince yourself that your husband was the innocent victim of a predatory female. he didn't choose to betray you, the other woman threw herself at him, made him, and he had no control. it's all her fault.

This makes it easier for you to continue with the marriage.

If you allowed yourself to truly feel that he did what he did because he wanted to, that he was happy to make a fool of you, you'd find it harder to deal with. So you blame her. That way he didn't shit all over you with a grin on his face.

nooka · 28/03/2010 07:48

But by having an affair you are betraying your partner. That really doesn't square with loving them in any real sense. Plus you are messing someone else's life up too, so hardly loving them either. Affairs are more about loving yourself than anything else IMO. Deeply selfish behaviour.

I'm surprised to say I found this a really good article that captured many of the feelings I had when dh and I separated. Especially silly things like putting up the Christmas tree.

The suing idea is obviously absurd.

Triggles · 28/03/2010 21:27

I have never understood women that blame the "other woman" when the husband cheats. The husband is solely to blame, IMO. Because it doesn't matter what the OW does, if the husband is faithful to the wife, NOTHING will happen. Regardless of the situation, he knew he was married, and he chose to cheat. Sue the husband maybe (breach of contract? LOL), but not the OW.

Flip