Government rebuked over global warming nursery rhyme adverts

[IvaNighSpare]

Inspired by the news here in the Telegraph regarding the banned adverts using adapted nursery rhymes to teach children about climate change, my local radio station laid a challenge to listeners to re-write other nursery rhymes in the same manner.
I thought you talented Mumsnetters would like a go.
Here are my offerings:

1. I had a litle nut tree, nothing would it bear But a mutant nutmeg and a glowing pear The minister for DEFRA paid me a visitation And fined me £50K for my nuclear power station

2)Mary, Mary, quite Contrary, how does your garden grow?
Mainly thanks to Genetic Modification

3)Baa, baa black sheep have you any wool?
No-due to a failed cloning incident, we've all mutated into freak bald monsters

4. London Bridge is falling down, A freak tsunami washed up the Thames, broaching the barrier and taking most of Essex with it

I was bored, please entertain me, bet you could do better

Lullaby baby, now don't take afright,
The warming's a myth (if I've aheard right)
The glaciers are growing,
The gulf stream has stopped,
But we will get by with new GM crops.

Dr Foster went to Copenhagen
In a shower of rain.
He stepped in a puddle of special interests
And never tried an international agreement again.

Taffy was a Welshman,
Taffy had some lambs,
Chernobyl spread radioactive fallout, over all his lovely land.
Taffy came to my house and told this sorry tale,
So nuclear power is better than mining coal in Wales?

(Ah! "Taffy" has long been a banned nursery rhyme, but try telling that to grandmother.)

Humpty dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty dumpty had a bad fall
He got on his mobile
to lawyers for you
And told them "act for me I'm going to sue"

With thanks to Half Man Half Biscuit:

Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were astounded
Everywhere that Mary went
Gynaecologists surrounded

and

Time flies by when you're the driver of a train
Speeding into Trumpton with a cargo of cocaine
I get high when I'm the driver of a train
Got to get my syringes out and stoned out of my brain.

Ah HFHB-titchy.Do you remember 'Dickie Davis Eyes'?