The new Minister for Children: what do you think she should be doing?

[WideWebWitch]

Following on from the cabinet reshuffle thread and the discussion about childcare in the school holidays, I wondered which children's issues mumsnetters think the new minister for children should focus on? I'd like to suggest advertising aimed at children for a start, (especially junk food and character tie-ins but don't want a big discussion about it, done so on other threads thanks!) but what do the rest of you think is most important?
Anyone want to volunteer to send her the thread afterwards to ask her what she's going to do about our concerns?!

Boe, I disagree - Tom is a parent and is as entitled as the rest of us to air his views here. Tom, I agree with a lot of what you've said about equality of childcare leave and have been interested to read your views. May come back to this later.

Tom. I think it is wonderful to have such a well informed father debating issues that he obviously knows a lot about on Mumsnet. I found Mumsnet just after you had previously stopped posting but did find some of your old comments very insightful and helpful in understanding my dh as little more.

Boe. I find your assertation that "women are more in tune with their children and are better carers" sexist quite frankly. Just because your x2b was an arsehole does not mean that all men are. I am not suggesting that you are not a better carere for your child than he is (and feel very sympathetic for your current situation) but to suggest that all women are better carers minimises the value they may have in other areas.
Equal opportunities does not mean that we all turn into hermaphrodites. It simply means that those of us who do not want to fit into the traditional gender roles are given the opportunity to move out of those stereotypes. It doesn't outlaw the woman who stays at home to look after her children and her man, or the man who works a 100 hour week to provide for her. It creates choice rather than imposes roles. And I am a mother who carried and breastfed a child but I know that I don't miss my daughter any more than my dh does when we both go out to work, and we are both as anxious to get home to her in the evenings.

I am also quite horrified that you know so many men who "ended up resenting the fact that they had to play such a major part in their children's lives" when their wives retuned to work. Well they played a 50% part in creating the child - why shouldn't they play a major part in their lives. Picking up on a point bossykate made earlier, why do so many couples have children together when they seem to have such very different views on who will do what after the kids are born?

Oh and Mumsnet is a discussion board. Yes we are all here to provide support and advice, but some of the best threads on her are the ones where people articulatly (if that wasn't a word it is now) and respectfully argue there striongly held beliefs about emotive issues.

Boe, I know you've had a really tough time of it with your ex-dh and I think it might be colouring a bit how you feel about Tom's ideas.

Tom, I personally completely agree with you. Going back to work was, if anything, harder for my dh than for me, maybe partly because of other people's expectations. I think your proposals are extremely sound. How we pay for it, is, of course another matter, but there has always been money found for a proposal that finds favour, why shouldn't this be another one?

I really enjoy having your perspective on mumsnet - the variety of knowledge is one of the strengths of mumsnet.

Probably shouldn't post now, but have just got off the phone with one of my Norwegian mates.

We did the same uni course, which was where we met, she has carried on with her career, working fulltime mostly despite having 3 children. She is able to start work after dropping her children at school (as is normal there, not because she's a mother) does a 'full' day at work and is home by 5 because she is not expected to be at work after 16.30 and there isn't the work-culture that expects her to put in the extra.

In the same type of industry, I used to leave home at 5.45, drive an hour to work, work until 18.30 (or more often up to 22.00 depending on where the job was up to) drive home, crash into bed and repeat, often 7 days a week. I'm now a SAHM looking to retrain because my old career will NEVER fit with a family (or even a dh and no kids, came close to divorce even then). I'm angry about the study (6 years) I put in to achieve what I did but I'm also thankful that I had dd to realign my world and stop me dying of an early heart attack.

Why should our working lives have to be so extreme ? I know in my old job it was more 'you had to be seen to be putting the hours in' rather than anyone looking at what you achieved.

When I was 30 weeks pregnant my boss said, 'if you find you're getting a bit tired you could leave a bit early if it's quiet'. I once left at 16.30 after starting at 07.00 and never heard the f**cking end of it, started maternity leave soon after and have never gone back.

I LOVED my job but it makes me so angry that there is no halfway point. Sort that Margaret !

Twink, you might be interested to know that my DH worked offshore for years with a woman geologist whose dh and mum looked after the two children. One of the children has cystic fibrosis and the mum got quite a lot of stick at the time (20 yrs ago) for 'abandoning' her dd for two weeks at a time. But she said her dh and mum were just as capable of giving treatment, seeing doctors etc as she was. The dd with CF is now at college and doing very nicely, so the doom merchants were proved wrong.

Twink, I really identify with your post. Even though I switched to a 4 day week, each working day is a minimum of 11 hours and every single Friday at home I get harassed by endless telephone calls and end up doing stuff from home. I have had to work on at least one day out of four of the last eight weekends. My recent holiday was punctuated by endless telephone calls which bordered on harassment. Last week I had to go to three European cities and give presentations on three consecutive days and wasn't able to eat between breakfast and dinner on any of the days. At 6 months pregnant, I get absolutely zero consideration from my colleagues that I may find sitting in a smoky restaurants with colleagues until midnight less than appealing.

I am just completely and utterly fed up with this way of working and yesterday, literally told the head of the division to stick his deal up his ar*e. So all in all I guess its just as well that I have only 16 working days left until I leave it all behind forever. There has got to be more to life than this!

Oh bells2, how awful and good on you for telling him where to stick it. The City never was good at equality was it? Twink, I agree and speaking to your friend must have been an eye opener. If it's possible, why can't we do it here? Oh, I could rant on about work/life balance for ever but I won't.

bells - sorry to hear it's so awful at the moment, but if you have already told your boss where to go, surely taking a nice long lunch break today isn't going to make things any worse?

I've actually replied to our latest work life balance survey yesterday with a rant about the impossibility of actually having one, and continuing with yor career advancement. It does seem that as soon as you try to stop giving 110% to your job (in terms of hours as well as application) you are sidelined. Not a situation that is conducive to allowing women (or men) who want to spend time with their families to get to positions of power. There really is something wrong with the working culture here.

If my dh didn't basically run his own work life and could go in late and come home early when it suited us (and never works stupid long hours anyway) I don't know what I'd do. I think current arrangments with two week's paternity leave is absurd. My ds benefits hugely from his father's close involvement in his life and I am so pleased we can do this. I think parental leave is an excellent idea that would let couples decide between them how to care for their children and as others have said, it seems to work in other countries so why not here? But again, what about us self-employed people.... what do we get? Any suggestions, Tom (and please don't stop posting - I find your informed opinion very interesting - I think one of the strengths of mumsnet is that lawyers can advise on law, architects on architecture etc etc)

Prufrock, I would LOVE a nice long lunch but it ain't going to happen sadly. Like most city folk, my working conditions have pretty much always been like this but I only mind now because I am pregnant, have 2 small children and of course know I am about to leave. All my colleagues work far harder than I do and of course would never dream of complaining. Spookily, they're all men. I just think it's a tragedy that so many people feel they need to spend their entire lives like this.And am still seething that HR are refusing to put in writing how my bonus will be calculated given I am going on maternity leavle.

bells2, I don't know anything about you at all but you sound like you are suffering what I went through when I was a corporate lawyer at one of the big 5 firms. I also tried not to work on Fridays, also got harrassed on weekends and holidays, was always given the right platitudes with people saying "gosh, you must slow down now that you are so pregnant - but actually the client just phoned and I told them they could have the first draft of an 80 page document in their inbox by 8am tomorrow"..!
Did it for 10 years through 2 babies - my last week before maternity leave with my 2nd was spent putting in 18 hour days negotiating a document in a small windowless internal meeting room in the Terminal 4 Hilton with only a crappy sandwich lunch provided on each day (no breakfast, no supper, despite working 7am to midnight).
I'm not a person to give up easily but it did eventually dawn on me that the City wasn't going to change for a very long time and that someone else could bloody fight the battle. Left it for an executive management position at a client 18 months ago and haven't missed it for a second. The firm could NOT understand why I left, they thought the fact that I did 4 days with no loss in status pay or respect meant that I'd achieved the moon. Sorry boys, not enough!

Anyway best of luck, and if they make any attempt whatsoever to diddle you out of your bonus, kick up an ENORMOUS stink, they will back down - they tried to do this with me - the week before I left on mat leave they said your bonus is x, I said fine, then a month later I found out "by mistake" that it had been reduced to x-y (about 20% less) and their reason was "it is just because you weren't working for the last 4 weeks of the fin year". I said "ah, so you are lowering my remuneration for a reason connected with pregnancy? Hmm, I'm sure there is a law about that" and they said... "no, we would have done the same if you had broken your arm"!! They very quickly changed their mind and apologised.

Sorry for the length of this, as you probably know once you start moaning about life in the City you can go on for hours. I'll stop now!

bells, that sounds awful. these banks get really antsy about bonus paid during maternity leave. where i work, they told me bonus couldn't be pro-rated as it is dependent on achievements during the year. tbh, this was a reasonable answer given that bonuses are very subjective. i'm all for more transparency in city pay structures.

btw - if it gets too much go off sick or tell him to stick it up his arse again or turn your phone off or just go for lunch today anyway and have a moan about it all!

good luck for the next 16 days!

PPH - you are so right. I make a conscious effort not to start ranting as I just know I'll never stop. I have well and truly marked myself out as a trouble maker with HR in recent weeks but having decided to leave the industry, feel that its worth it simply for once to get what's fair. Anyway, thanks for all the kind and helpful comments.

bells2, I am really appalled and am on the brink of breaking my rule never to advise online... This is not intended as a provocation to Tom, but is just a statement of fact about the law at today's date - which no one should rely on because it is offered in a chatty mumsnet spirit. There has been a recent case involving the question whether it is unlawful (indirect sex discrimination) to expect a pregnant woman in city environment to skip lunch (and it generally is!)but I can't recall the case name offhand. I will post if I can find the casename. I suggest that in your discussions with HR about your bonus, you mention that you think it is unfair given your physical condition that you are not being allowed an opportunity to eat and that it is a shame that such a senior employee is being treated this way. I don't think you should be too aggressive as the name of the game is to maximise your bonus and have a quiet pregnancy, but don't be afraid of pressing for something in writing and the full sum that you think you are entitled to. On the other hand, if you are definitely never ever going back, don't need to keep them sweet for future networking, and are prepared to burn your boats, just say that you have various issues arising from your employment, and would welcome a compromise termination agreement drafted by your employer dealing with your bonus and all other maternity payments and your issues, and ask them to give you at least £250 so that you can take specialist legal advice prior to signing (although obviously that involves taking the money and promising never to raise any claims in future and would involve your employment ending now rather than after maternity leave).

If you do get that far I know a brilliant wonderful and sensible employment lawyer who got me a nice settlement once. I would recommend her 100%.

Bells, I am appalled at what you've had to put up with. The run-up to my mat leave, which I had been considering hassly and stressful, is a shaming picnic in comparison. I work geographically in the same area as you but it sounds like a distant planet. Well done you for telling him where to stick his documents and the very best of luck in fighting your corner for your bonus.
And I'm glad to see Tom back too. I must try and get my pregnancy brain round all the good ideas on this thread...

bells, i know this is a horrid situation, but not all banks are the same. for a start if you worked at my place you would get 18 weeks at full pay during your maternity leave. i know you want to leave the city for a number of reasons, but if you ever decided to come back there could be better options for you than your current situation.

bossykate, I don't know about bells, but the maternity package itself was never a problem, just all the other stuff around it. I got 14 weeks full pay, 13 weeks half pay and 13 weeks quarter pay - very generous, thanks. but that doesn't make the work ethic, and the constant testing to see if you are REALLY committed (no, actually I do this just for my own personal entertainment!) completely unrealistic and unsustainable demands any better...

pph, having worked for 6 years in a big 5 accountancy firm and now for over 6 years in an american investment bank i'm familiar with the issues, thanks. the point is not everywhere is as bad - the maternity package is just one example where there is wide variation.

wasn't suggesting for a moment that you didn't bossykate - just continuing my rant, absolutely not directed at you! hope you didn't read it that way

pph, my message was a little snitty, sorry. i'm not client facing in my current role (used to be in my previous one) and the demands are very different. this is usually put down to client service. interestingly, the husband of a friend of mine is the company secretary of a plc, and was recently involved in some capital restructuring. he had to work extremely long hourse and told my friend it was because the lawyers expected it!

rubbish spelling!

don't worry!
yes, once you ditch clients life improves considerably doesn't it? I feel completely liberated now that I'm no longer in a client - servicing role.

(that sounds a bit like I used to be a prostitute, but you know what I mean..!)

Outofpractice, thanks so much for that info. I have been in the city for 16 years and until recently, have always played the game. I found it really really difficult having to go without lunch last week and actually resorted to chewing sugar cubes one afternoon I was so damn hungry. That is v interesting what you say about the termination agreement. I am going on 2 weeks hols tomorrow and if as I expect, the phone calls and harassment continue, I will seriously consider it.

I am just very unhappy with my bank's attitude at the moment. We only get the statutory minimum maternity package and they still will not put anything in writing for me as far as their maternity policy is concerned. I am already being pressured now into a return date (he he he - little do they know). You are right BK that things are much better elsewhere. Unfortunately for me it's really a matter of ending up in a position which is just too senior, time sensitive and pressured to be successfully combined with motherhood.

Thanks Aloha but a very good friend of mine is an employment specialist. As it happens, I recommended him to a senior trader who got fired from our bank last year and he ended up with a settlement in the region of £500k!!!!.