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'I gave back my adopted baby'

329 replies

LetThereBeRock · 23/11/2009 14:16

I've just read this article from the Guardian about a mother who gave back her adopted son because she didn't/couldn't bond with him.

I'm planning on adopting in the near future and I'm curious to know what others think of her story.

Apologies if this has been discussed already.

OP posts:
dittany · 02/12/2009 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 02/12/2009 23:47

Sorry have not yet responded to your query, Nana, about what cases have ever occurred where a SW has shrugged off a case of wrongful removal of children. Not intentional: a great many posts had been posted while I was at work and I must have missed a page when resuming reading. Nothing to do with the wording of your post.

I did not specifically state that I was thinking of SWs who have shrugged off their own mistakes: I was actually thinking more of the general tendency by SWs on MN to
adopt a martyred tone everytime mistakes by SWs are mentioned and the martyred tone adopted in the press by SWs whenever mistakes are criticised. You don't seem to get this so much with the other professions I mentioned. Certainly, though I have posted frequently about mistakes made re dd by doctors and teachers, I have never had anyone from those professions doubt my stories or accuse me of being influenced by scandalous press stories, as happens when people talk about negative stories involving SWs.

But if we are talking about SWs shrugging off their own mistakes, then somebody like Janette Chisholm springs to mind: in the BBC interview 15 years after the Orkney abuse scandal, despite severe criticising by the judge who reviewed the case, she was still refusing to accept that she had made any kind of mistake.

wannaBe · 03/12/2009 00:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ceres · 03/12/2009 07:32

dittany - to clarify, i apologised for upsetting you by directing a post to you which you clearly felt was an inappropriate thing to do.

i do not apologise for saying that i find your tone antagonistic - that is a fact and an observation from reading your posts, i do not think it is a particularly mean thing to say.

pofacedandproud · 03/12/2009 08:54

yes I knew about that story JH, thought it was well known on MN. I think it is entirely reasonable that someone who has had a bad experience with SS would have an interest in that area. I don't know why that would make his work or opinions invalid. And why should he feel bullied into revealing persona info here?

I think it is highly distateful to resort to such cheap tactics in an attempt to discredit somebody. Smacks of no better argument....

pofacedandproud · 03/12/2009 08:55

I was addressing that post to wannabe.

pofacedandproud · 03/12/2009 08:56

distasteful

expatinscotland · 03/12/2009 09:25

Cheap shot, wannabe.

I'm really surprised at you, tbh.

Low.

I agree, poface. Well put.

NanaNina · 03/12/2009 11:36

Ah well Dittany - I give up and have no intention of trying to convince you of anything else because you are determined to make me out to be a liar and a truly reprehensible person. I agree with Ceres that you are antagonistic and I think a rather unpleasant person. I also think you are unbelievably arrogant to think that you can comment on what might be the case with the mother in the case that I cited when you know absolutely nothing about child protection. All you are intent on doing is to try to demonstrate that I was insensitive in my dealings with the family, in whatever way you can. I think you now just want to fight with me and I won't give you the satisfaction of doing so any more. It matters not to me what you think because I am secure enough in my professional practice. The problem is that people like you have aboslutely NO idea at all what it is like to be a social worker in the field of child protection and the aggression of some parents that we have to contend with.

I wonder why Wannabee's post was deleted - sorry Wb if you are still around - you are the voice of reason on here, shining out like a beacon amongst some of these posters who think they know everything there is to know about social work activity and child protection, whereas it is very obvious that nothing could be further from the truth.

Pofaced and expat - I don't know to what you are referring to as distasteful and "low" but whatever it is, kettle and pots come to mind.

Cory - thanks for your reply. I agree that if the sw you mention in a case 15 years ago did not admit that mistakes had been made (and I do actually remember the Orkney debacle) then she was in the wrong.

JH has gone very quiet...............I'm still waiting for a reply.

Final message to my fan club - Dittany, Edam, Pofaced, Expat and others I can't recall, why don't you all consider training as a social worker (there is a national shortage) and then you can come on here and tell us exactly HOW it should be done.

johnhemming · 03/12/2009 13:16

nananina JH has gone very quiet...............I'm still waiting for a reply.

It may surprise you to know that I don't spend all my life reading mumsnet. Just because I haven't said anything does not mean anything. I do spend some time on online fora, but that is a low priority.

Have I met anyone who has been a victim of abuse. Answer Yes. I have met a wide range of people.

pofacedandproud · 03/12/2009 13:24

what on earth have I said to you that is distasteful and low? I'm shocked at how utterly unreasonable you are frankly.

expatinscotland · 03/12/2009 13:50

It's like pouring petrol on flames, po. Definitely not worth the bother!

wannaBe · 03/12/2009 14:01

I shouldn't have made that post and I apologise.

It was deleted before I could request it to be deleted but I admit that I was out of order.

peppamum · 03/12/2009 14:28

Nananina,

Unlike ceres and Litchick, you couldn't be giving a worse impression of social workers if that was your aim. God help anyone who disagreed with you in the course of your career. I'm shocked by your attitude.

dittany · 03/12/2009 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 03/12/2009 15:20

NanaNina Thu 03-Dec-09 11:36:44

"Cory - thanks for your reply. I agree that if the sw you mention in a case 15 years ago did not admit that mistakes had been made (and I do actually remember the Orkney debacle) then she was in the wrong."

Not only did she not admit it but she went on national television stating that she did not care if people said these things had never happened, because they would say that, wouldn't they? The child witnesses recalled how they had answered leading questions in the hope that the SWs would let them leave the room and finish the endless interrogations.

Iirc Judith Dawson, the SW involved in the Notthingham satanic abuse trial, then went on to be on the panel that made such a spectacular mess of the Shieldfield nursery investigation. She was the one that told the policemen in charge that they had to believe everything the children told them (as a policeman stated later, this involved such evidence as "my Mum rides on a broom stick" and "I was murdered and put in a bin").

(in case you wonder about my personal interest, I read in depth about the witch trials not for personal reasons but merely due to a professional interest, as a historian, in early modern witch trials- this was long before I had children of my own)

Of course this was a very troubling time and it is now some 20 years ago; procedures have been tightened since and hopefully something like this could not happen today.

Yet what was worrying at the time was both that their colleagues did not react and expose them and that they were not hounded out of the profession after judicial review.

Also, it is worth noticing in the context of this thread that original court orders were overturned, that judges were shown to have acted on insufficient information, in other words, standard court procedure turned out not to be infallible after all.

cory · 03/12/2009 15:22

My point about Dawson being that having been involved in one of these scandals and having been exposed, to take part in another investigation of the same kind comes as close to shrugging things off as anything very well can do.

ceres · 03/12/2009 17:38

christ dittany, i will apolgise without being asked if i feel the need. and i do not see that i have been obtuse. you come accross as a really unpleasant person tbh, that is my opinion. i have to say you have made lots of digs at me, as far as i am concerned i have been honest about my impression of you.

i intend to leave it there, anyone reading this can see exactly what we have both posted and draw their own conclusions.

for my part i have no wish to enter any further discussion with you and will certainly avoid you on this forum in the future.

pofacedandproud · 03/12/2009 17:52

I think Ceres have been very reasonable dittany, and she and Litchick represent SS and the system very positively. I find it reassuring to know there are many reasonable and balanced people out there in the system

pofacedandproud · 03/12/2009 17:54

has been...

dittany · 03/12/2009 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pofacedandproud · 03/12/2009 18:09

sorry dittany I didn't want to get involved but
I do feel it is important to differentiate between someone who is reasonable but has different opinions, and someone who, comes across at least, as er, a bit, er, unbalanced, to put it politely.

pofacedandproud · 03/12/2009 18:10

I think you know who I'm referring to...

dittany · 03/12/2009 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ceres · 03/12/2009 18:19

pofaced - thanks. i do try to be balanced, sw is a very difficult subject to discuss as there are such polarised views. i am happy to share my experience as a sw (obviously without breaching confidentiality) and i have no problem with the system being challenged - it HAS to be challenged in order to make it better, as a practitioner i challenge the system myself (head....brick wall....but perseverence has to pay off eventually, i hope). however, in the interest of balance, i am also going to defend my profession - not by saying mistakes are never made (blatently untrue!) or by glossing over the imperfections, but by pointing out, for example, that it is NOT that easy to remove a child and that there are many, many good social workers out there plugging away.

as i said, my posts are here for everyone to read and people can draw their own conclusions.