'We approach others' children at our peril'

[Aranea]

In the Sunday Times today

I got a bit depressed reading this.... what do you think?

Im terribe for always speaking up or helping out. Have found more than one lost child in my time and also told kids off, especially if parents arent around.
At zoo last week, bigger kids in swings with sign saying "for 2-4year olds", and i stood waiting for swing with dd2. I soooo wanted to say something but didnt as their mum was there giving me evils

"Pupil confidentiality" is a concept that I hate. It is only used in my experience to stop parents finding out what happens to their child at school. My 6 year old has asd/adhd, and trying to get information on what happens during unstructured time in school is almost impossible. I have resorted to spying on him at break time to see him pulling and pushing other children around, throwing stones, etc. I have approached the school, to be told this is normal behaviour , and nothing to concern me. When another child is hurt, the parents of that child will then blame me, even though I have tried to prevent any harm.
A school dinner lady once told me that my son was not eating his lunch because the boy he had to sit next to would hit him when my ds made humming noises while eating. After I approached the school, she was sacked.
As a parent I have no right to protect my son when he is at school.

Deeeja that is appalling. Grotesque. It is hard to believe this sort of thing can happen.

Was it Hillary Clinton who said "it takes a village to rasie a child"?

I have never thought twice of telling off other children if appropriate. Maybe I'm just lucky about where I live (or maybe it is becasue we have a very big back garden so didn't need to go to the swing park that often ) but I've never really had to to "strangers" - and my friends have simialr attitudes to upbringing, so we have mutually told off each others' children.

I know dh had occasionally had qualms - although that has not stopped him. He has also been heavily involved in ds' primary school (as he was the one working from home) so was the unusual "dad who is often in the primary school". Fortunately the school is sensible in its attitudes.

I've been on here often in the past saying that we are doing our children a great disservice in not giving them the freedom to learn to judge and indepedence - and along with that, danger - for themselves. Ds has just started P5 and is 8 and has been walking to and from school on his own for nearly 2 years (only occasionally the first year and often followed by one or other of us) and really enjoys - and respects - the trust that we place in him. It's a 10-15 minute walk, with one lollilop man, but a couple of other quieter roads that he needs to cross on his own.

We have even, this summer, started to let him go the local park (5-10 minutes walk away) on their own to play football. Again, fortuantely, his friends' parents have simialr attitudes to the lack of likelihood of them being abducted/abused.

On holiday in Greece, we have let him to the local football pitch - a good 15 minute walk away, on his own.

We have taught him abut "stranger danger" - but in a very low key way and more in terms of not getting into strangers' cars and (more relevantly) if anyone (friend or family) wants him to do something he does not like and wants him to keep it secret, he should tell us. We have not taught him that the default position is to distrust all adults.

I think the more of us that "admit" to giving our children freedom, the better for society.

"but caused by those who work in the industry that dealing with children"

Nah. More like the rabid fearmongering of an irresponsible tabloid press intent on generating anxiety and higher sales. Always make me laugh when I read some website comment complaining of the "ZanuLiarBore obsession with paedophiles." FFS, I don't remember the News of the Screws running its Name and Shame campaign at the behest of Downing St...

True though. I've intervened (slightly) with a couple of kids lately, and each time there's the quick cost/benefit calculation of cost of intervening (i.e. probability of being lynched by Daily Mail readers if someone shouts "PAEDO!") vs the benefit to the child in question.

As it was i did drop my pool cue & stop the toddler intent on running out the pub onto a busy road, and did grab the trolly (with two girls in it) that was trundling downhill to the car park in Tesco. But as a 6ft pasty bald bloke I'm one false NotW report away from being petrol-bombed.

DS likes what he calls 'hang-gliding'; he'll grab my arm at the elbow, wrap his legs round my wrist and be carried quickly, but low when we're out and about. He loves it, I feel slightly uncomfortable with doing it, partly because he's now 4, and my shoulder is starting to make nasty creaking noises, and partly because I'm effectively walking around with my fist in his groin, and people can get touchy about that.

I can report adult intervention is alive and well. Dh was so busy chatting to my sister today that he failed to notice dd had clambered out of the sandpit and wandered off. She was rescued by the same kind woman whose son had received a face full of sand from my poorly behaved ds. Lady, if you are a mumsnetter I thank you and aplogise fo my lax dh. Unless of course you're
on aibu posting about the file family whose child you saved.

lol wahwah

I don´t know if this is so bad here in spain.. ds only 2 so maybe not enough experience in the parenting world for me. I speak to other kids, if ds is waiting patiently to go down the slide and big kids are climbing up it I ask them to let us have a go or if they try to push him out the way I´ll tell them everyone can have a go and to wait their turn. Likewise if ds tried to push in I´ll make him wait or we´ll play on something else.

We have some huge jungle castle type things in the playgrounds here and the bigger kids can get a bit daring climbing where they shouldn´t (on the outside and maybe 20-30ft up). Some boys about 6yrs old were doing this the other day and this random dad lost it with them, ordered them to GET DOWN RIGHT NOW! He was freaking out, and with reason, they could have broken their necks, i had my heart in my throat at one point, and their parents nowhere to be seen (maybe quite validly but all the same, best someone was looking out for them, no?).

"...those in industry that work with children..."

Actually, one of the friends who is happy for her 9 year old to go to the park unaccompanied with ds is a manager with a major children's charity. She gets most irate about this fear of random pedophiles becasue her work - primarily with survivors of abuse - is yet more proof that the majoirty of abuse occurs within the home.

My friends who are GPs have the same view. Sad but true.

"Was it Hillary Clinton who said "it takes a village to rasie a child
isn't that giving hill-dog a bit too much credit? i thought that saying was an african one which is older than time itself.

In the city I live in, the council has created a "sea side" in the middle of the town centre, there is sand and fair ride etc, and water to paddle in. Its next to the city's fountains which kids regularly like to play in, often getting down to their pants and paddling in the water.
DH took DD (aged 3) the other week, when he got back he told me that there had been a commotion. A young man had been taking photographs and the parents had asked him to stop. He had not listened, and he was tackled to the ground, with mutters and whispers that there was somebody taking photographs of children. The man was held down until security arrived. Security arrived and looked over the guys camera, the pictures he had taken were all of the buildings and surroundings, no photographs of children. He was a Uni student not originally from this country, and not the best English speaking skills, and hadn't understood the issue.

Will point out that DH was not one holding the man down, he was on the other side of the sea-side but he was shocked at what had gone off. I felt very sorry for the guy.

Just to put some of you at ease, I was the mumsnetter "complaining" that somebody in the street had told off my DD, the point I had an issue with was the fact that DD was with her CM who had already reprimanded DD. I have no issues if a stranger were to tell DD off or yell at her if she were about to run into traffic, or to say something if no adult was around (and they were the only adult witnessing) but DD had already been shouted at by CM. I would say something to another persons child if I were the only adult around, but not if the parent/guardian was dealing with the situation.

Yoou're right mayourquimby - she was quoting an African saying, I remember now. I did ask the question though! At least she highlighted the point though.

yep she did. didn't she use it as the tag line for something as well, a campaign or lecture? (i'm sure wiki would tell me but i'm far too lazy to investigate.)