More than half of all children born in Scotland are now born to unmarried parents

[expatinscotland]

here

And among mothers under the age of 30, that figure rises to 2/3.

Wow!

Had no idea it was so high.

But come to think of it, everytime I was in hospital having a baby, I was the only married woman in a room of 4 mothers.

And the eldest (was 32 when DD1 born, 34 with DD2 and 37 with DS).

Makes me wonder about the future for my children.

I'd always hoped they would marry, for some reason, before having kids.

Maybe it's because my parents are married, too, as are DH's.

No zazi I don't think a marriage requires a wedding. As you say, in different cultures at different times, a marriage is defined as different things. But the common denominator is, that it is a relationship recognised by other people in your community. As such it is not merely a private arrangement between 2 people, it is a relationship with public status.

And yes I do think there is a difference, however imperceptible, in how people treat you if you are not married. My sister has been together with her DP for 25 years, longer than many marriages, but they as a couple are still treated slightly differently to a married one. It's very difficult to pin it down, but I think it's definitely there. There would be much less concern, upset etc. in the family if she split with him, than if my cousin who has been married for 8 years, split with her DH (to whom she is married). It's unreasonable and inexplicable, but it's there.

seeker - could you specify the documents (which you don't object to) that give similar rights to unmarried couples as the 'piece of paper' you appear to object to? It would be useful for other unmarried people to know what legal documents they require in order to have everything in place for any eventuality.

If you are not married,

1. Make sure that your house and mortgage are in joint names.

1. Write proper wills

1. Make sure that the father has parental responsibility. Automatic for any man named on the birth certificate since December 2003 - a simple one page form before that.

1. Make sure you name each other as the beneficiary of any company pension and insurance policies.

Granny- I love your take on it, particularly your holiday thing!

That being referred to as Mrs so and so gets my goat, but since I have never used my husband's surname (which incidentally is not compulsory in Britain despite the widespread custom) not very many people do it. I was very pleased to find out when we lived in Quebec for a year that married women keep their birth surname by default, and have to add their husband's name to their own if they wish to do an Anglo Saxon type family name thing. Even in very traditional Spain, women keep their own surname, and their children have both parents' surnames. Surrendering my surname just seemed a step too far. I am glad we got married, although for me it was less to do with shame or state sanction or inheritance than with the undeniable commitment it represented. I would have been quite happy not getting married.

I agree with herbeatitude completely about marriage being in a large part about a public relationship. Perhaps the reason people are concerned whether someone is married or not is that married status signals to society a committed relationship, whereas an unmarried couple who may be truly committed to each other don't look any different from an unmarried couple who aren't. Perhaps people want to feel sure about who they are dealing with, and don't like the confusion they are presented with by unmarried couples with children. These days, I believe more married couples divorce than stay together, so the confusion may be inevitable either way.

Okay, big generalities there.

DP refers to me as his wife, so we are perceived socially as married. I asked him why he does so, and he says that in all respects except paperwork this is who I am to him. He truly doesn't feel he's misleading anyone. I am wondering if someone could be felt misled, or if the simple label 'wife' is enough of a societal signal for commitment.

Herbeatitude, in your family experience, do you notice any impact on your sister's children?

I couldn't bear to be called someone's wife!

Seeker - I suppose I don't think about what DP calls me much . . . I usually call him 'father of my children,' or can't be bothered to correct someone else when they call him my husband. I think we both find it easier.

Thanks for your document list! Another interesting sign of changing times is that we had to formally apply under special circumstances for UK citizenship for my DS, born in '05 (I'm American, DP is British). DD, born in '07, was automatically a UK citizen. The HO had changed their ruling on children born to unmarried British fathers to allow for automatic citizenship.

Seeker, thanks for listing those requirements for unmarried people which help protect financial security in a similar way to marriage. I'd like to add that unmarried partners would be liable for inheritance tax and wouldn't be eligible for Widowed parents' allowance - my mother absolutely relied on this benefit when my dad died, as he was out of work at the time and didn't have a company pension. I'm not sure if this is correct, but I also understand that unmarried persons are not able to administer a deceased partner's estate, or else this is far more complex?