More than half of all children born in Scotland are now born to unmarried parents

[expatinscotland]

here

And among mothers under the age of 30, that figure rises to 2/3.

Wow!

Had no idea it was so high.

But come to think of it, everytime I was in hospital having a baby, I was the only married woman in a room of 4 mothers.

And the eldest (was 32 when DD1 born, 34 with DD2 and 37 with DS).

Makes me wonder about the future for my children.

I'd always hoped they would marry, for some reason, before having kids.

Maybe it's because my parents are married, too, as are DH's.

I always had it in mind to be married before starting a family because to me, being a parent is the biggest committment around. I agree that a stable family (whatever shape it takes) is essential for children, but surely part of that stability is the commitment the parents make to each other. I genuinely think that children of married parents feel an extra degree of security.

And to those couples who say how committed they are without being married, so what's the big deal about doing it, if it means so little, why not go ahead and get married? It doesn't have to cost the earth.

Haven't read all the posts btw

for started i quite like my name and don't want dp taking a share of my millions maxpower

I'm not interested in getting married because we're not religious, or interested in having the state sanction our relationship at all.

a start

When I was having DS1 I was the only MRS in a room of 14

no big deal max.some people just don't want to get married.ever

that in itself does not undermine their relationship or commitment to each other or their children

and no amount of other people huffing and puffing or discussion as to the the legal benefits of marriage.where to source cheap cake alters that

Ok southeastastra, can't argue about the money, but you can keep your name!

willowthewispa, I'm not religious either - I got married in a registry office and did it dead cheap by today's standards. And the 'state' didn't enter my head.

Btw, I've just read back a bit and totally agree with Cote.

ScottishMummy, are you someone who just doesn't want to get married? If so, do you mind if I ask why? (genuinely interested )

The state would enter my head.

Not married, two lovely children, wanting more. We talk about getting married on occasion, both agree it could be fun, perhaps even a good idea. We've both been married before and obviously those marriages didn't work out, so the importance of the commitment represented by marriage is somewhat weakened for me. At this point I am just not bothered by it. Maybe, maybe not. Ahh, Sting and Trudy. How many children before they tied the knot?

State never entered my head.

Covering my own back and my kids' did.

If you're religious I can understand why you might get married - the prospect of hell fire must make a wedding seem an attractive alternative!

But I really genuinely don't see why anyone non religious would.

Lots of reasons, seeker. Legal reasons and otherwise.

Not religious at all.

Still got married.

Non-religious reason for getting married: well, I suppose it has something to do with wanting to make a public declaration and have the public status of a coupled relationship.

Every single developed society in history has developed some sort of formal coupled relationship, recognised by the rest of society in the form of whatever legal system they had in place. So I suspect it must be some quite deep human need, this wish for societal acknowledgement. Either that, or there are some really pushy people at the top inflicting this on everyone.

And these pushy people re-emerge every generation.

Never got married ...never felt the need to make a public declaration ..have lived with my dp for 30 years ..think we are in it for the long haul

we will have been living together 15 years next month and in scotland so I am part of this statistic (in case anyone cares)

we drew up a 5 year plan- bigger house, 2 cars, 2 foreign hols a year, try for a family or get married. I take your point expat you can do it cheap but I have and still do maintain that if and when I get married it will be a big white wedding with all the frills or not at all (shallow emoticon)

The 5 years have come and gone and with life's twists and turns the wedding just gets pushed further and further down the prority list

still.. never say never

LOL @ public declaration.

There were the two of us, the lady Registrar and two strangers we plucked off the street.

Hardly announcing it to the world!

But it is, Expat.

As soon as you say "my husband" you are announcing something unambiguous and official and legal about your relationship with this other person.

It is a very public act, no matter how few guests.

But what difference does it make? not being arsey but my kids have had a mum and dad all their lives never bothered them we weren't married

I don't think it does make a difference to individual families and how they function.

But I do think it makes a different to how the world sees you. Sometimes consciously, sometimes subliminally. Unfortunate, not fair, but definitely still a fact imo.

Do you really think in this day and age people view unmarried parents differently? Never come across that view in my life

herbeatitude - I take your point that the public part is the couple referring to each other and husband in wife in their social life. What if they do so without having ever visited the registrar?

I don't believe that my legal single status will harm my children in any way . . . if I did, I'd change it in a hurry!

Does a marriage require a wedding in any form, really? How can it when the forms differ so much over the globe?

In some of the American states there is a thing, a little antiquated now and mostly southern, known as common law marriages. After so many years of cohabitation, usually 6, the couple were considered as husband and wife legally.

We have been married for 43 years now. We had no choice to make in 1966 - if you wanted to be together and move out of your parents house you got married. Neither of my daughters has married, although they have been with their lovely partners for years and have children together. My parents and In Laws will be birling in their graves/urns about this but I am perfectly content with their choice.

Someone asked for benefits of not being married and I would suggest financial independence as a big benefit. I think keeping your own name is also important for maintaining your sense of self. Although I have always loved my DH and he is a good man, I have found marriage to be too formal a relationship, an 'institution' that constrains me, places me in a subservient role. I have taken his name but in my home village I am usually referred to by my maiden name. I never use Mrs and do not wear rings (neither does he). I am still taken aback when, say the bank, refer to me as Mrs xxxx - That was my MIL's name, it is not ME. I get furious when the insurance company/gas board/mortgage provider or similar will not talk to me about a problem with OUR home and insist on speaking to DH. He is furious too as he has no clue about matters financial or legal. When our Building Society demutalised HE got the shares for our joint account, when I was invited to a Royal Garden Party (representing the Charity I worked for)the invitation came to MR (his name) and partner - and so on and so on.

Worst of all I think that state sanction takes a lot of the fun and 'naughtiness' out of the relationship. When we go on holiday we always pretend we are not married and have just met - really scandalises the other 'oldies'.

There are no legal or financial difficulties which can't be resolved by properly drafted wills and a couple of other documents.

"I don't need no piece of paper from the city hall keeping me tight and true"