Taken from the parenting puzzle
Issues Around Sex
It's a strange fact that we are surrounded by images to do with sex and yet it can still be a difficult subject to talk about. For many of us there's a hangover from the past when sex a sexuality were taboo subjects. If we feel uncomfortable or negative about our bodies, or have painful memories in relation to sex, it is even harder to have a relaxed and open attitude when it comes to helping our children understand about sex.
When we talk about sexual issues with parents, we find that everyone wants to help their children develop a healthy attitude. We also find that many of us think our own parents' approach wasn't very helpful. If we are not comfortable ourselves talking about sex, how can we get over our embarassment and tell a child what he or she needs to know?
Children are naturally curious about their bodies, ans helping them to learn about how bodies work is a process that starts when they are very young. If we can deal with sex related topics as they arise, a child will grow up feeling comfortable about them. If we keep sexual issues quite separate, and say nothing until they are reaching puberty, we make life more difficult for them and for ourselves.
How did you feel about sex when you were young? Did adults tell you what you needed to know? Did you get info from friends, maga zines, TV, sex ed at school? Were you embarrassed or ashamed? What makes it easy for children to ask questions and what makes it difficult?
Many people remember their parents' awkwardness ans want to be more natural with their own children. Some wre told almost nothing, and were anxious when a wet dream or a first period took them by surprise. Some regret being told simply the mechanics of sex; some resent the moral agenda that was forced on them; some asked a simple question and were given a long explaination that went over their heads. But others report of having families who were open and relaxed and who helped them to think of sex as both normal and special.
Helping Children Stay Safe
One way to protect our children is to teach them to heed their feelings of discomfort around touch. Any touch that gives a child an "ugh-ugh" feeling is, to them, inappropriate touch. If we make a child kiss someone when they dont want to - an uncle with a tickly moustasche or sit on someones knee when they would rather not, we teach them to suppress their instincts about touch. In an unsafe situation they will be more vulnerable, as they will have learnt that they have no right to object to touch that they dont like. So the best way we can protect our children is to make sure we treat their bodies with respect; then they will expect others to do so too.
Keeping Private Parts Private
We can help protect our children by teaching them that parts of their body where it is easy to cross their hands/arms are private, and should not be touched by anyone except to keep them clean or if they are ill and need to be examined by a doctor. Nor should anyone ask the child to touch them in these places.
One more reason for not using any kind of hurting touch in the way we discipline our children is the message it sends - that it is all right for other people to do things to your body that you do not like if they are older, stronger or more powerful than you.
AAAARRrrrgh my eyes hurt now!
Hope nobody minds me posting this - hope it helps hobbgoblin