The ecstasies and the agonies of becoming a mother...

[MrsMerryHenry]

...here

Think I might buy this book!

Some of it made me chuckle but it paints a pretty grim picture overall. I must be unbeleivably lucky.

Yes, I felt lucky reading page 1, as well! Did you read the second page? I thought they described the joys rather splendidly. Quite hard to put that into words.

I know this article makes me annoyed but I am not quite sure why, mainly because it's just more bollocks about motherhood. Why on earth would you lie to your friends?

Think the idea of it being a 'lie' is meant to be slightly tongue-in-cheek.

But why would you give them the unvarnished truth, Libra? I have a good friend who is pg at the moment - she's terrified about all the things listed. What's the point of me saying "yes, it's absolutely horrific, but in about 3 years time the fog will start to lift and it will all be worth it". She doesn't want to hear that. RIght now I'm making soothing noises and telling her she'll be fine.

I think that's a great summary of the article, snickers.

Because I believe if you know the truth you can better prepare/educate yourself for what is going to happen. Say your friend is terrified of labour, instead of saying there there I am sure it will be ok personally I would be helping her understand what can happen during labour and what her options are.

Snicker - I agree. God if I knew the truth before I think I would have requested a general anesthetic. No one told me about the true gore after the evnt, and I'm glad I didn't know. I only share post birth resuturing/tears etc stories with those who have dropped.

One thing I remember to this day from ante-natal yoga was the term 'ring of fire'! Having been petrified of birth for years, I found ante-natal yoga empowering and transforming, however that little phrase nearly set me back to the terrified stage again!

Like you, Clara, I'd never share gory/ painful stories or tales of my tear with someone who's pregnant. I think it's inconsiderate, unnecessary and unhelpful - especially for first-time mums. I always talk of what preg women can do to empower themselves instead.

I think there is an intermediate ground between telling them everything is rosy and telling them about the tear it took 2 midwives and a doctor to sew up.

You forgot the spinal block, Libra. Biiiiig, hefty spinal block!

but you see MrsMerryHenry (even tho it wasn't aimed at you!) that's a good point if someone is worried about tearing you can tell them about things that could either help prevent it or prevent it hurting as much!
Being terrified during labour can make it worse.

I agree about terror making things worse, and I also agree about the middle ground thing (was just jesting with you about the spinal block - though I did have to have one! 3rd degree tears are way out of the league of 'stitching up' - it's about reconstruction!).

Perhaps we've all misunderstood each other about what constitutes a middle ground? The thing that made me terrified about birth was school playground stories about women having mega-tears. I carried this fear with me for nearly 20 years! Then it was a combination of ante-natal yoga plus hypnosis CD that helped empower me so that despite my tear I am able to be really positive about my birth.

However I just don't think it's necessary to go into detail about what gory things can happen, I think as you said earlier that you can achieve this by giving a woman options.

(oh, and I knew it wasn't aimed at me! )