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Fantastic article about children's (loss of) innocence

8 replies

emkana · 31/01/2009 20:51

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/31/family-children-innocence

OP posts:
emkana · 31/01/2009 21:44

[harumph]

OP posts:
HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 31/01/2009 21:57

Good article

cory · 01/02/2009 10:11

The loss of innocence can mean so many things though. Some people use it to refer to their child finding out that babies aren't born through the belly button. For others it would mean a cynical take on sex, thinking of girls as slags, an excessive interest in violence.

I think what I would like from my son is what you might call an open-eyed, conscious innocence. Knowing that there are bad things in the world- violence, hatred, disrespect- but also being able to say to himself that I don't have to be part of that. I don't have to speak disrespectfully of other people, I don't have to only see the dirty side of things.

When my son asks me about death, I don't just tell him the facts about the dissolution of the body: I try to show him how we can make a positive difference, how we can support bereaved people in the community, how we can help save lives in poor countries. We talk about the people who work to save others, the firefighters who were risking their lives at 9/11. We talk lovingly about our own dead and how much they have given us.

I may let him watch a censored film if I have watched it first and made sure that it contains nothing that I think is inappropriate. And if it contained bad language, or people behaving badly, we would discuss what kind of a person this was and what made them behave this way.

But I would ruthlessly ban any play-material that encouraged a cynical or disrespectful attitude towards other human beings, as I believe some of the GrandTheftAuto stuff does (not that I have seen it).

AMumInScotland · 01/02/2009 20:31

What a strange collection of opinions and reactions he's had - it sounds like he's leapt from one extreme to another and back again. From "PS3 is evil" to letting them have GTA (18 certificate!) "without me really noticing". Why not let them have the thing, but pay attention to what they are buying, limit them to age-appropriate games, limit the amount of time they can play on it?

From telling a 5 year old every possible detail about death, to not telling them about the fact that child-killers exist!

Weirdo!

Ponders · 01/02/2009 20:41

Your average man IMO - lacking empathy & awareness & basically completely self-centred.

Ponders · 01/02/2009 20:42

NB:

But what do you think? he insisted. "I think you just die and that's it," I admitted.

My wife wasn't sure about this approach, but I thought that if Milo got his head round the idea nice and early, it wouldn't seem so terrifying when he was older. I thought he'd get used to it. Instead of which, he just became obsessed.

"My wife wasn't sure about this approach"

bigTillyMint · 01/02/2009 20:53

Yeah, strange man - as Amum says.

FWIW, I have (French) friends living in France with teenage children. . All the families live in big cities in different parts of France, but all have made a conscious effort to "protect" them and keep them as unspoilt as possible. They are lovely children - quiet, polite, hard-working, etc. They did not lose their innocence early.

Nighbynight · 02/02/2009 09:49

hmm, interesting.

His mistake was not confiscating the evil Playstation immediately I laughed about his agonies over telling the truth about death. I did to my children, but also wheeled out the "Thats enough, stop worrying while I read you a nice story" line fairly quickly.

I have taken some decisive steps to stop my children from growing up too quickly.
Eldest dd is 12. All children have: No makeup, no piercings, no handheld computer games (ie violent Auto Theft shite, and dont make me laugh by suggesting that they'd stick to the Brain Jogging), TV only during the school holidays (or we'd never get any homework done). Also, they get the benefit of my take on TV advertisements, which needless to say, isn't "Lets rush out and buy that new high fat, artificial sweetener pizza right now!"
However, this doesnt equate to innocence.
They do talk about stuff in the playground, and we have always discusssed moral issues at home. As the children get older, these moral discussions are starting to touch on issues like drugs and alcohol.
I am trying to give my children the skills to handle the truths that they shouldnt be discovering before they are ready for them. But only time will tell if it was successful or not.
I recognise the writer's dilemma.

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