Times article ' Life is a see saw for working mums ' a book written by succesful working mother - comments please

[CaptainUnderpants]

Times article

Anyone read it ? Has this been written by a well known mumsnetter ?

I do like the bit that you and your partner must get away at least twicw a year without children for at least three nights !

Her DH is the one that has given up work !

Why would you feel guilty, Moose? I am very curious.

To anyone who thinks she might know what she is talking about please read the last two paragraphs of this and then think, bah, sod off!

www.guardian.co.uk/theobserver/2006/may/14/7days4.news2

I think she has a point about one of you needing to take a back seat. Dp has decided to do this, he still works but less hours , with more flexibility and from home so he can put dd first. Our homelife is now much calmer.

He has now been put onto a 4 day week, the consequences of that are not all bad.

I do think my book is fantabulous, I do wonder though what the birth mother of the children thinks when I claim my two step kids as my own.

I was feeling all hopeful about the article until I read that her husband doesn't work...so why all the angsting about the kids/home? They have a parent with them!!!
I'm sure he's doing a bleeding marvelous job.
It works for them, it's great but how it's helpful to us mere mortals with working partners I'm not too sure.

Julia - no wonder you kept your name - I see your husband is called Alaric Bamping!

Boffin - sorry for delay in replying, I have been out tramping in icy woodland this afternoon!

Well, can I just say before I say this that I am neither massively for nor against in the WOHMs v SAHM debate. We all make our choices based on our best intentions / personal circumstances / the way in which we function etc BUT...

When I was a SAHM with two young children, (1.5 yr gap between my two) it was, in all honesty, one of the toughest challenges I have ever had to face! In fact the day-to-day constant exhaustion meant I found myself wishing I was back at work, thinking it would have to be far easier than the physical and psychological demands placed upon the SAHM of two such young children. It felt like I was on a treadmill for such a long time.

Now I am out the other side, with 2.5 free days off a week. I spend the time cleaning, meeting up with friends, doing the weekly shop, working on local committee stuff, making jewellery... and er... on the internet and watching TV!

I do sometimes think of my DH at work (he is a builder) working in the freezing cold, doing sometimes disgusting work such as ripping out urinals (hmm) and I feel guilty for being the one with the easier time of it. OK, so I didn't choose his job, but that is another matter...

We don't have much spare income and I do feel that if I were out there working I could at least contribute something financially to the family such as a nice holiday, more meals out, less financial pressure in general etc...

I am looking for a job but as I said on another thread there ain't many PT jobs in Somerset right now, in a field that I would wish to work in, that would justify my return to work financially, and I really don;t feel ready to return to FT work. I do feel that my current contribution to the family is valuable, and DH does recognise this (he is happy as long as I am happy), and I am not in anyway saying the role of a SAHM is futile. I like to be around to pick up dd1 from school and have dd2 at home with me for half the week when she is not at playgroup, and I feel it is of benefit for them too while they are so young. But I am at a stage now that dd2 is in funded PT care that I am starting to look around me and think, "hmm what now is there?"

Sorry if this doesn't make any sense...

Ah, the very same Alaric Archer Bamping who is a Company Director from London N19 with no fewer than two directorships.

Bamping the antiquarian bookseller, specialising in British topography, who works devotedly from home, but simultaneously manages to attend exhibitions and book fairs in North Yorkshire and the like.

Bamping, father of the magnificently named Roman Theodore Alaric Hobsbawn-Bamping and four other children.

Moose, I think this is a typical state of being for someone with small children, and best of luck to you in your endeavours. No need to feel guilty at all IMO.

Roman Theodore Alaric? Wasn't Alaric the King of the Goths who sacked Rome? The poor mites names will be warring over him. No wonder they had to stick Theodore in the middle to keep them apart. Julia should have posted on the baby names topic - she'd soon have been put right there! Hobsbaum-Bamping - now that's a right mouthful to say as well...

I'm really not name obsessed - this is just intriguing me rather!

It is quite a name, I must agree.

My sister"s reaction? "I could bloody well be a super mum if I had an army of bloody cleaners and nannies!" As it is, she is a ridiculously overstretched full-time working single mother of two children who has to run all the time just to stay still, and barely makes ends meet financially thanks to the zero contributions from her feckless bastard ex. She pays for the bills, mortgage, and pre-and after school clubs. She deserves to be bloody super-mum of the year!

That article was not a very realistic portrayal of most super-mums' lives, imo.

I often think there could be a really good book written by single parents on how to juggle. They are the masters of this.

how does she have time to do all these groups and get me time and all that?

this is my favourite paragraph of all - the non book book group 'Instead of books, they bring clothes and handbags to swap. And food. And talk of their lives and loves and hopes and fears.'

I'd think I'd been given drugs if I turned up to a group like that. Sounds more like a session at the Priory.

Perhaps she's like to set up a company that takes children overnight so their parents can go away 'at least twice a year' without them because god knows how most working parents would manage that. And I must admit, I actually enjoy spending time with my kids on the weekend having not seen them all week!

MN is my non book group!!

lol foxers.

I really do not understand why reading one book a month was just impossible for her, yet she can gaily go shopping for hours, talk on the phone to her many friends for hours and write a book about her hectic life and coping mechanisms.

Reading a book can be excellent me-time, you know.

I think she just wants to natter inanities about herself all the time. hence the book. (The written book, not all those mysterious unread ones.)

It is lame. Tired and lame.

I read a bit most evenings before going to sleep and finish a book every week or so - surely that is the best me-time of all?

I read that article and did not get what she was on about. there was no substance to it. What point was she making. As others have said, she has a husband at home so no juggling act for her. What can she possibly tell me of any interest?

LOL loving this "Me-time doesn't have to be a day at a spa" oh aye then my me time is Tesco
am heartily sick of the north London chatterati chuntering about their guilt laden but fabby lifes

Yeah, fk off London chatterati!! Fk right off!!

boffin, I'm liking you tonight

Boffin has realy made me chuckle on this thread.
Frogspawn is so Londoncentric!
Here us wimmin have to work to pays our bills!
And our husbands werk too, to pays the bills!

Well I skimmed the article but couldn't really be bothered to read it properly once I'd twigged the tone of the whole thing.

It is SO not representative of me, and I am a working mother whose DH stays at home to look after our toddler. We are not well off by any stretch of the imagination, in fact I earn less than the national average. It's a choice we have made because it works for us (DH's line of work was too erratic and insecure) but I never stop feeling bad about it. However, contrary to what others have said I believe it is perfectly possible to do this if you're prepared to make the sacrifices. It's all about priorities at the end of the day.

Ms Frogspawn Hobsbawm needs to realise that a working mum with a stay at home DH has a pretty OK life all told, emotional and guilt issues aside (but those don't seem to bother her unduly). And actually I DO sit up with DS when he's ill, I DO do all the food shopping and the cooking. And I still say I have an easy life compared with DH.

Boy do I object to the tone of the article - casting women like me as completely unmotherly types who swan off to work leaving their DH's to do all the shit stuff, day and night. Thanks for that Julia!