In the Weekend mag - Love By Numbers - about defoining commintment phobes
"Ususally he criticises you first, for things you can't readily change, such as your personality...Commitment involves some dedcation to your partner; a selfsacrioficing element that makes you put the needs of the relationship above your own grubby needs. In return, the research says, commintment makes you happier, healthier and moe resilent to lifes occasional trhwacks..."
AND THIS BOMBSHELL
"..They may move in, marry, have kids, but these are activities not commintments."
Now I know I cannot make a definitve diagnosis from this but to date it is the most accurate onjective description of ex-dp I have ever seen!
I'd never have thought of him being a commitment phobe - afetr all he wanted us to move in, buy a house and have a child - he desperatly wanted these things and was great practically - but for all his want he couldn't then commit emoptionally. He did loved me, still does but just has no idea what it is to commit emotionally - hence his thrashings and confusions.
I think this explains a lot.
(It's Mt btw for those of you who know the history)