Being too child-centric

[Judy1234]

Making a career out of the children, always putting them first, never saying no to them.... very different from where I am and how I am but certainly is how some parents operate.

Being laisser faire, letting them learn how to be board, letting them understand they don't always come first is good.

On another mumsnet thread I said we shouldn't always give children what they want and a few people were surprised I said it but I think it's true. Just because they want something doesn't mean they should get it.

women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article4212440.ece

I agree that children should not always get what they want. Their time should not always be fully directed, so that they have to occupy themselves sometimes, so I agree with you there too.

"Letting them understand they don't always come first" is not so simple. There are certain needs which I do think supersede those of adults but they tend to be those of infants. I felt that my children needed to be with me most of the time when they were babies and that they needed my milk, directly from me.

On the other hand, I couldn't be like a friend of mine who gave up an evening out just because her dd (about age 3) threw a tantrum and said she didn't want mummy to go out.

I once had to make a hard choice when dh needed collecting from hospital after surgery, and ds had a high fever at home. I left ds with sil at home and collected dh, but couldn't help wondering whether I should have sent sil to collect dh and stayed home with ds (then aged 20 months).

Giving children everything they want in terms of material things over and above what they need to survive is not really achievable. If you try to do it, they just want more and more and more until you have to rob a bank to appease them ... and if you're fabulously rich already, they will want more of your time which is not an unlimited resource for any one.

complex argument...
I think my career raising my kids suits us, but it in no way means they get what they want at any or every time.
I do believe in being tough at times. Spoiling kids is just that, infact it ruins them.
teaching work ethic, morals and manners, social and personal responsibility.
all v v important

I completely agree with this author's point of view.

I'm also a child of the late 70s and we were definitely bored quite a bit, and told to be quiet when adults are speaking etc. Now I have a daughter of my own, my parents are still married and have thier own occupations that don't revolve around myself and my siblings.

I hate listening to people's anecdotes about their children that have no point to them. Funny/sweet/clever/naughty are all OK in moderation but I have one friend that rambled on for over 20 mins about playing snakes and ladders with her DD. There was no point to the story and I found myself thinking - come on woman what has happened to you? How can you think this is interesting to anyone else? She was also saying that her DD requireed constant entertainment as she was so bright. EUGH!

I genuinely think that spoiling children can be really damaging. When they grow up and people don't drop everything for them, this can surely only lead to disappointment and resentment.

Now I have your attention let me tell you about this really cute face that DD pulled earlier...